The Bun Life - Thinking of Getting a Bunny? Wondering What It's Like Owning One? Read This.

If you are pondering the adoption of a member of the Lagomorph species, also known in certain parts of the world as a "bunny", then one of your nagging questions is likely to be "What is it like owning a bunny?" Well, even if it isn't, I don't care because I am answering it anyway okay?! Now you have to remember, I am a mid-thirties heterosexual single white guy who works from home, and I live with 3 bunnies, a bonded pair of Lops, one albino and one pumpernickel (don't ask), and a single dwarf-mix. Therefore, any of my viewpoints should be considered with this in mind.

Collectively, most bunny owners are women, I know this from experience in rescue along with doing many "home visits" to screen potential adopters. Not once did I meet someone like me, some might consider this a good thing, namely Frannie, but that is neither here nor there. Also, nearly everyone in rescue or rabbit enthusiast events that I meet are also women, I've only met a couple men in these circles and actually found them all to be just like me in terms of sensitivity towards animals and things in general. My friend Chris, Lori's husband, is this way, and I think it is great; if everyone was, then the world would be a much better place.

So, what I am trying to get at, is if you are anything like me or the people I have explained above, then you are likely to have the following experiences and observations when adopting a bunny for the first time. Obviously, all bunnies are a little different, but I will mention stuff that applies to all mostly.

For the first few weeks, unless they exhibit extremely destructive, aggressive behavior, your heart will likely melt every time they do ANYTHING, such as play running, bunny flops (where they all of a sudden drop and roll like they got shot and play dead), binkying (playfully hopping and either clicking their heels together or shooting their legs straight out in happiness), grooming themselves, grooming you (this means they really love you, or your cologne or perfume contains timothy hay protein), and just about anything else.

They are as CURIOUS as any living thing you'll ever meet. Take any object, put it in their area, and walk away. I guarantee you, it is only a matter of seconds before they are right on it, checking it out, they rub their whiskers (yes, bunny whiskers are real, they use them for measuring the width of openings, just like cats do) on it, then they leave their scent on it by rubbing their chin on it, they have a scent gland in their chin that emits their identifying scent when they rub it on something. Not only are they checking it out, and marking it; they are also mapping it in their minds. Why? Every bunny memorizes at least 2 different exit routes in any space. This helps them escape predators, they are at the bottom of the food chain and are natural prey animals, therefore are instinctively suspicious of everything and everyone. Watch when they are spooked, they run one of these routes with incredible speed and precision, missing objects by centimeters with ease. As a matter of fact, when you want to catch your bunny, you can use this knowledge to your advantage. For example, by placing gates or boxes along the path of these routes to block them in, learn all the routes and you can easily trip them up. Pretty sadistic huh? lol.

Like I always say, bunnies will run first and ask questions later, especially if they see other bunnies running. In their minds, the element of danger is just the same as if they were on the African Savannah plains. Just because you house them safe in your home, where nothing will likely ever happen to them, doesn't have much of an effect (if at all) on their level of cautiousness. They will get comfortable, but not complacent, so be ready for a lot of "false alarms" where your bunny will thump for absolutely no reason, at least to you there is no reason for it, but to them it is serious business. The more you accept and learn about this part of the bunny psyche, the better off both of you will be, you won't be scratching your head when they do something strange, because it won't be strange anymore, you'll totally understand. After a while, you'll even find these behaviors very humorous, because you can read their minds.

You'll figure out that the better you care for your bunny, the more their personality will blossom. Again, it isn't complacency, but a relaxation of inhibitions on the part of the bunny. When everything is just the way the bunny likes it, there is more time and energy for playing and just being silly or obsessive about non-serious situations. Once you notice this, you'll respond by taking even better care of your bunny, if possible (and according to bunnies, it is ALWAYS possible to be treated better), then you will find that, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you woke up one morning and your bunny has become....a spoiled rotten little conceded pretentious brat. And just like the good bunny slave that you are, you'll celebrate the transformation! You'll go on the web and tell all of your friends, excitedly, that Mr. Buns no longer accepts anything less than imported French Alpine water from the glaciers of the north. The other sheep, I mean slaves, will nod and laugh, and tell you how their bunny does the same thing. Then you'll upload videos of you building all kinds of crazy stuff for your bunny to reside or play in, then your bunny slave friends will give you pointers on how to improve it to maximize the bunny's benefit from the whole project. Then you might have fleeting moments where you wonder, what does this bunny do for me again? You won't be able to answer that, because the answer is NOTHING!! And the funny thing is, you'll be happy about that! You'll tell the other slaves about it and they will send you virtual bunny hugs, nomies, or whatever the heck else, and applaud your mental imprisonment via bunny. Are you starting to see just how bunnies are planning to take over the world? Forget false flag CIA conspiracies, the great bunny takeover is in full swing and we are gladly towing the line!

Overall, if you embrace bunny ownership, it can bring you great joy and companionship, they have a way of being there when you need someone to talk to that doesn't talk back. When grieving, bunnies are great to ease your pain. Treat them right, and you will be adopting a new family member, not a pet. The End.

The Bun Life - No TV Dinner, But Something Better

Well, the impossible finally happened. I know nobody will believe this, but tonight I actually watched TV with Baby Fwan! Just like I do with Sydney, but less time, about ten full minutes. At first she freaked out when I laid her on the couch next to me. Of course, she looked for the nearest cliff to dive off of, with me holding her like a Fwan-in-the-Blanket appetizer next to me. She kept pulling that "if I could separate from my skin, I would" move until I just started stroking the top of her head while I bunched her up alongside me, and she eventually calmed down! If I hadn't moved around after about 10 minutes I bet she would have stayed there a lot longer. Before she could jump off, I put her back in her area so I ended it on a good note. I bet with some resistance training, we might be able to get through a whole episode of Cold Blood, that serial killer show.

Oh, I made a funny observation too. I was watching Frannie get groomed by Thumper, and how he kept getting further and further towards her, errr....ummm.... rumpus. At first, he would groom her eyelids, her ears, then her shoulders, then her ribs, and all I thought was "any minute now, and he will go for it, always does" but I was incredibly surprised and impressed by Frannie's intellect. She knows him so well, right before he is about to grab her and start humping her, she popcorns up and either backs up and make him start all over again (meaning she gets groomed again) or runs away entirely. He might give chase but she is faster and more agile than him, and of course he is pretty dumb so it doesn't take much for her to bamboozle him, lol. Bunny drama is so funny, if you weren't really watching closely and knew rabbits, you would miss all of it entirely, then you would have what they call "a life" hahahaha.

The Bun Life - Sydney, The Little Dwarf Rabbit Heating Pad/Pillow

The SYD1000 Model Heating Pad

I love all my bunnies equally, but each one has their own personality and characteristics that become my favorite thing about them. Thumper would be a great pillow, but he would likely shred me to pieces if I tried that. Frannie might make a good pillow, if you like sleeping with a pumpernickel bagel, I happen to not. Then we have little Sydney.

Sydney, when he is on the ground at your feet, is a psychotic individual, a bunny serial killer if there is such a thing. If you were a bunny, you wouldn't want to live next to him, and would want him on the Nutcase Registry. He wouldn't be able to live within 100 miles of a bunny school.

As you know though, when you pick him up and sit him on your lap, or just hold him, he becomes Little Orphan Bunny, licks you to death, and is just an all around cutie. What I have been doing lately is sitting him on my lap, watching TV. He does that for a good hour, then starts to get a little fidgety, so I let him walk around on the other side of the couch/love-seat, I just use my arm to block him when he starts getting froggie wanting to jump off the couch. I laugh because every time I block him he grunts and whimpers to himself (but surprisingly never bites). I know he is saying to himself, "Oh come on! Why can't I just jump down??" Like a little kid throwing a tantrum.

To stop him from getting all crazy, I cuddle him and just rest my head on him. I don't put any weight on him or anything, I am real careful about that. Then, I noticed that he happens to find that very comforting, as most bunnies love the stuffed in a can feeling, it makes them feel safer. I know this because he has now started falling asleep when I do it! LOL. Tonight I did it and he was out like a light. I swear, he is the best heating pad ever! Maybe I can modify the position to soothe my trapezoid muscles? lol. Is it wrong for me to use little squibs as a small appliance? Talk about adorable, GOD I have the best bunnies, nah nah nah.. nah.. na na!

The Bun Life - Get Well Mr. B

Been a little bit since I posted last, been very busy lately, Frannie finally got her disability check and is pricing out clown colleges in the Greater New York area. I always wondered, is there a Not-So Great New York Area, or maybe even the dreaded Sucky New York Area? What a stupid language English is sometimes. Park in a driveway and drive on a parkway, stupid right? I'd like everyone to take a knee really quick:

Mr. B and Monet (R.I.P.)
My friend Catherine, who is an Official Bun Life Groupie by the way, is worried sick over one of her bunnies Mr. B, an all black lop mix and a real cutie (loves to be pet on his side, at least he does by me :) ). He has been having problems on and off with sludge in his bladder, they think he might even have a UTI. She has been running him back and forth to the best vets in NYC, so she is doing all she can, so let's all pray that he gets better and bounces back. I know she loves him very much, as all of us do of our bunnies, so I am sure we all can relate. Also, it is her birthday (well, it was yesterday the 6th) so hopefully her and Mr. B can catch a birthday break as well.

If you are really feeling generous and kind, I am now accepting donations for Frannie's clown college fund starting today. Clown college is really expensive, they charge you 5 bucks per scarf they pull out of the clown hat, and you already know that those damn scarfs never seem to end! To donate money to Frannie's Fund, click here. Thanks, your generosity will surely go unnoticed!

The Bun Life - Frannie Feeling Under the Weather

Hey all. I woke up this morning and Frannie and Thumps were running circles waiting for the pellets as usual, and they both ate. However, I walked by the enclosure a few hours later, and Frannie was doing the loaf of bread pose in the litterbox. Right away, I knew something was off, I know my girl and she never does that. I handed her a carrot, and she didn't want it. Then I really got worried. I called my friend Catherine, we decided I could give her a little simethicone, which I gave her 1cc of. I then massaged her belly for a good hour, all the while Frannie looking at me, "Can you please just leave me alone already?" She was moving around after that, a little inactive, so I gave her some time to rest, maybe she was just full or something. Could have been a little gas bubble or something. I walked by them again earlier, and they were bouncing around, begging for a carrot, which they both ate one, so that made me feel a whole lot better, naturally :). I am just grateful she is not sick.

The Bun Life - New Column Debuts "Dear Baby Fwan," Issues Flying Off The News Stands!

We here at The Bun Life are so very excited to finally sign Dr. Baby Fwan Hippowitz (I really just mean Baby Fwan) to our staff. Baby Fwan will be authoring a column called "Dear Baby Fwan," which follows the same format as Dear Abbey and others like it. As a matter of fact, you are now reading the first installment. Each week, BF will answer 1 or more questions from viewers (or readers) that send in fan mail, email, or just start talking about us behind our back. So, without further a due (or is it 'a dew', 'adew', or even 'ah-doo'??) here is this week with DBF:

Fan Mail Question: "Dear Baby Fwan, I am hoping you can help. You are so knowledgeable, courageous, and an inspiration to us women, I read your column all the time. My problem is my husbun. He is a typical man, sleeps all day, leaves the lid up on the litterbox, and is downright aggressive at dinner time. He is a control freak also, he won't even let me leave our enclosure, he even put a large fence up around the whole thing made of metal! Isn't that bunny-napping or something? I feel unloved, I know that is typical of English lops, but I am trying not to be racist or judgmental. I tried to get a restraining order against him, but the courts said we were "bonded" and the clerk said I was "S-O-L" but I don't know what that even means. What should I do Baby Fwan??" Love always, Precious in Seattle

Baby Fwan Responds

Dear Precious,

Sorry to hear about your whatever, must be tough. How could you read my column all the time if this is the first one? Something tells me you're blowing smoke up my 'tocks. Anyway, honey you need to get your own identity. Ever hear the old saying, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything?" Me neither. Anyway, men are always going to be fat, lazy slobs who think about one thing and one thing only: yup, CARROTS! Ever hear the old proverb about the stick and the carrot? Me neither, but I hear it is pretty cool, and basically says you can get anybun to do anything by using a combination of punches and carrots. Pretty cool right? You have to get out of this relationship, maybe you could fake being barbered? Does he have any life insurance? Without knowing every detail it is hard for me to give you specific answers. I encourage you to write back to me again and divulge some of this stuff to me. Who knows, maybe we can run away together, somewhere where we are free to roam without getting picked up. Ahhh, a girl can dream can't she?


The Bun Life - Tocks?!?!?!?!?

I was gallivanting through the whispering willows of my favorite bubbling Big Apple bunny blogs when I came across this picture of Sogna on Lisa's blog. Aside from it being the most adorable thing EVER, I was curious as to what in the world Tocks were. Well, even though I am horribly out of the loop and out of date on the latest hipster bunny lingo, (Banana Butts, Tocks, etc.) I realize Tocks are bunny toes, which reside on the feet of the bunny, which are also called Hocks, thus theoretically speaking the consonant letter T was fastidiously substituted for the consonant letter H in a feeble attempt to be hip and cool while showing extensive knowledge of the Lagomorph anatomy. Gosh, I hate it when people make things so complicated!

Anyway, what drew me to this subject, aside from the Bigfoot toes Sogna has, (you wouldn't believe how bad Sogna's feet were when she was rescued, even one of her Tocks had to be amputated.) was how weird Frannie's feet were. Incredibly, Frannie has webbed feet! Seriously, she has no toes, I'll have to get a good pic of them so you can see. I spoke with the Genetics professor at our local St. Joseph's College, even sent him a sample of Baby Fwan's hair for advanced DNA genetic profiling (not just the run of the mill genetic profiling, ADVANCED genetic profiling, which is way better, in fact the regular genetic profiling totally sucks!) and the results were astounding.

Actually, first he sent the sample back saying that there must have been some mistake because all that was in the tube was a piece of wire from a Brillo Pad, with a piece of Pumpernickel bagel on the end of it. I assured him that it was Frannie's hair, and that what he got was just a Frannie feather, so I sent it back and he analyzed it for me. He says that Frannie is 35% Duck!!?? That totally explains the webbed feet, maybe even the cowlick she gets! He also said the other 65% is a mixture of nearly every species on the planet. I still don't know where she gets the detachable ears from, but that might never be known definitively anyway. So Fran doesn't have Tocks, kind of sad actually in a way, but I am over it already. Uh oh, Frannie climbing on the ceiling again, gotta go!

The Bun Life - I Like To Read Stories Like This

Hello, all! I just got an email via RSS from the Best Friend's Animal Shelter website that chronicles a nice two-bunny adoption by an eleven-year old girl Kristen and her family. I know what you're thinking, girl adopts bunny, not exactly front-page news, right? However, a lot about the story made me feel good, which is rare for a news piece. It wasn't an impulse decision, the parents made their daughter do her homework (which she did, from my understanding), and they all took everything into consideration before adopting. As someone who has volunteered for rabbit rescue before, and has done multiple pre-adoption home visits, I can say that these type of adoptions are always the most successful. I mean for everyone, including the bunny. Don't get me wrong, it is fine if only one member wants the bunny, but the chances of a happy adoption go up if the whole family is on-board.

So two dew-claws up for Kristen and her family! I know this may seem out of place, but if you ever want another bunny I have a black and white Pumpernickel bunny that I am trying to get rid of. She is really a great rabbit, you can't approach her or pick her up, or come near her in any way, and she tears and chews up everything you own, but aside from that she is a real doll. If you're interested I can FedEx her to you overnight. Don't worry, I'll poke some holes in the box. She'll be fine, hopefully. Anyways, don't feel pressured, seriously, as long as you can give me an answer in the next 24 hours, but don't feel pressured by any means, okay? Good luck with your two though, I'm going to sew up my love seat, good night!

The Bun Life - Happy Jolloween!

Let me begin by first saying how much I absolutely HATE Halloween! Seriously, I do. Also, I have new upstairs neighbors now. The new people are WAY different than the amateur porn star couple that moved out. What moved in is Satan's in-laws. It is a couple in their thirties, the gangster type, with their underwear sticking out of their pants. Look, I love hip-hop music too, and if you grew up in Compton then I agree you are probably made of roofing nails. However, when you are a skinny white kid from the posh suburbia-heaven ghetto of Dix Hills, acting like the streets raised you is downright ridiculous looking. Anyway, Snoop Dogg and his Gangsta Hoe have like 80 kids, and they all wear platforms filled with concrete, and they sound like they have a Riverdance Instruction school that runs from 2AM to 1AM the next night, for the one hour they aren't open they are playing tag team wrestling and skydiving off the bed onto the floor, where I hear every bump, tap, slam, and heel stomp like it is beamed directly into my ear cavity. These kids must stay up all night drinking coffee and snorting No-Doz because I here them pounding and kicking and slamming all f*&^&*in night and day, EVERY night and day. I have become almost immune to it lately. I don't want any problems. I know kids will be kids so there is only so much Snoop can do. After all, there is 80 of them. How the hell do they have so many kids? I did the math, according to mine and Frannie's calculations, she must've had her first kid when she was 4. Yeah, not possible, back to the drawing board I guess. Hey, maybe they were like Gremlins and ate some fried chicken after Midnight, and then multiplied 79 times? Who knows.

The buns are great! We are getting all ready for Halloween. I have big plans. Frannie is gonna wash her hair, and then me and her are playing an exhibition Polish Yahtzee marathon with Thumper. We were thinking of doing a Haunted Couch Ride to make some extra money, but the couch is gone so scratch that idea! I am getting a life size picture of Charles Manson, taping it to my apt. door on Halloween, then writing on it "Knock for Candy! Note: I cannot be held liable for ANY sharp instruments found in candy!" That should deter those annoying trick or treaters! Bah-Humbun!

The Bun Life - Male Bunny Pickup Lines

Being a male house rabbit has got to be a tough gig. I mean, it isn’t bad enough you are born scared, but then you have to spend your life chasing girls that don’t want to be chased. For a male bunny to have at least a remote chance of passing on his legacy, he has to be one heck of a good talker. I can only imagine the lines that guy bunnies use on their female counterparts, some of them probably are:
  • "I used to get all the chicks, but I wasn't compatible with any of them." (Get it???)
  • "Bartender! I’ll have whatever she wants!"
  • "I normally don't go out with girls as ugly as you, but at this point I'll take anything with floppy ears and a heartbeat. The heartbeat's optional."
  • "Wow! You smell divine, what is that perfume you're wearing? Hay and Urine? Do they sell it at Macy's?"
Those are just a few that come to mind. See if you can think of anymore to add to the list. Imagine what it is like to be a boy bunny in this hectic house rabbit world they live in., use that for your creative inspiration!

The Bun Life - They'reeeee Baaacccckkkk

As you know, my friends Chris and Lori graciously took my buns for me roughly 2 weeks ago. Well, there was apparently some gross misunderstanding between me and them. Lori called me Tuesday to find out when I would be "picking up the buns," which understandably befuddled me. I don't know where Chris and Lori are from, or what their native language is, but I never said I was "picking up the buns" at all, ever. I asked if I could drop them off, if they would take them, and they said yes. I never said I wanted them back, nor that I intended to pick them up again.

Needless to say, this is an issue. I was all excited and happy to be Bun-free, joyful that I finally put the boot to those darn rabbits, and now this annoying little thing pops up. I tell you, that is the last time I trust so-called "friends". I saw a lawyer today and filed for full, permanent custody of the buns. Only, I filed custody for Chris and Lori, not for me though. So they now have full permanent custody of the three furry loafs of bread, and not me. So technically, they are now "their" buns, and not mine, so how could they argue that I should take their own buns??? Genius, right? I know, I know, I'm gifted, you don't have to tell me.

I promised the buns I would visit them every time we have a Lolar Eclipse. That is when the Sun, Moon, Earth, Mars, and Boise, Idaho all come into alignment near the equator. Hopefully, that will be soon.

Oh by the way, just kidding, the buns are back and are doing splendid. I missed them terribly, but C&L took wonderful care of them, I can't thank them enough. Thanks guys!

The Bun Life - Missing Wabbits & R.I.P. Tango

One of our Bun Life Groupies, Christina from Heartland Bunny Blog and Rabid Tidbits, sadly lost her beautiful bunny Tango on Sunday morning. It was totally unexpected. Christina frequently comments here, and has been one of the most stable readers of The Bun Life, among others. My heart goes out to her and her family.

My bunnies are MISSING! I am doing work in my apartment, and my two friends Chris and Lori, also Bun Life Groupies by the way, are graciously watching my three buns until tomorrow night. A total of almost 7 days or so. I hate being away from them, but I will get them again soon. Thanks goes to Chris and Lori for helping me, they are amazing people, as many bunny rescue people are. 

Every time I go over there, we talk to each other non-stop for hours. The only down side is that neither one of them speaks English. They are from Pumpernickelstan, a real small country with a population of paranoid ugly people that are afraid to get picked up. Imagine that? The state bird is the Pumpernickel Swallow, named so because it can't swallow. Not a clue how it eats. Just kidding of course :) They speak perfect English. I am glad they are there, a real life saver for me.

The Bun Life - All New Bun Life Groupie Badge

Shazzie, a Bun Life Groupie, inspired me to create an official badge for the groupies of Bun Life. Here it is:

Nice huh? Make sure you wear it on your blog and/or Facebook page!!

The Bun Life - Banana Butt Caught on Camera by Shazzarazzi!!

A new Bun Life groupie, Shazzie, has done me the finest honor of filming her bunny Nutmeg (who is incredibly gorgeous by the way) doing the Banana Butt. Before I comment on it, here is the clip for your viewing pleasure:

Awwwww! That is too funny. I love how she zooms in on the butt for a close-up, that is classic! Poor Nutmeg, compromising her dignity for her banana addiction. Gee, I hope the other bunnies don't find out, then it will be all over school, and before you know it the damn thing will be up on YouTube! Then she'll NEVER get a job  for Fran's sake! Uh oh, too late!!

The Bun Life - Looks Like a Train Came Through the Box!

Clear pic huh? Just got my new camera, it is a Fisher Price model 1. Seriously though, it is a bad pic because I used a cellphone that doesn't have a good camera, plus the poor lighting made it horrible, but it does point out what I wanted it to. You see what bunnies do? They loved to tunnel in the wild, and do it instinctively, so it is hilarious to watch them build tunnels out of everything. If you put something new in the way of where they normally go to, they will first attempt to move it, but if not then out comes the tunnel operation. Since they love going under the middle of my couch because it is an empty space there, I put a cement tube behind the couch and pushed it against the wall, so they could go through the tube but not under the couch. That didn't last long, they tunneled through the tube right where the entrance to the middle of the couch is, by memory! They are such funny animals, I love their odd behaviors. lol.

The Bun Life - These f@!!@%$ Gnats Are Driving Me Insane!

I have these gnats, fruit flies and possibly drain gnats. I can't get rid of them, I tried the jar with apple cider vinegar, dw liquid, and paper inverted cone. They work great, I have 4 of them, 2 in the living room and kitchen, 2 in my office/bedroom. Every day I empty out at least 15 of them from each jar. I had some rotting veggies in the frig for like 2 months. A month ago I realized that gnats were hoarding the frig, so I emptied and bleached the whole thing. Now I keep nothing in there except bare essentials, and anything older than a couple days is immediately tossed. I am thinking that maybe the drip pan is dirty, but I am scared to look, isn't that shameful?? I'm like a little girl when it comes to bugs, I would probably throw my own mother in front of a house fly to save myself!. I keep NOTHING with any organic matter out anywhere. Along with the jars, I have about 400000000 rolls of fly paper hanging from every square inch of the apartment. I taped plastic sheathing over my entire air conditioner in the office because it would run and I heard water running from the condensation in the unit. It is through the wall so I don't want to touch it. I don't need it now anyway, so I sealed the whole thing off. I have a fly swatter that I carry around like a gun. I am getting good at killing them with my hands. Next I'll be like Mr. Miyagi and catching them with chopsticks blindfolded. In the middle of the living room I keep a baby swimming pool there on the floor and I keep it filled with liquid rock candy and coca cola. Do you think that is contributing to the problem? I check the bunnies often, and they seem fine. I never see them reacting to any gnats. If I didn't have bunnies I would blast this whole place with ammonium nitrate, but since I do have bunnies I can only use bunny-safe methods. Too bad the buns don't eat gnats, I could kill two gnats with one Fran! It is tough because the buns now wear the hazmat suits 24/7, looks like I am filming Outbreak two over here. Supernanny, please help us!!!

The Bun Life - Like The New Logo?

I figured it was time for a new better logo/header for the blog, so I just designed the one you see now, tell me what you think about it. I like it, the only thing that bothered me a little was the amount of pink in it. I wanted a bit of pink, and I didn't want to look like a girl had designed it too much. I am still not sure if I will remove the pink border of the bunny circles yet.

Edit 9/26: I did go ahead and put the teal circle shadow instead of the pink, but I left the ears pink.

The Bun Life - Bunny Butt???

I was talking to my friend Catherine, who is also a Bun Life groupie, and I was telling her how Thumper went psycho when I gave him a Craisin. He has always been friendly, but once I gave him a few Craisins, I then had a 24/7 shadow with floppy ears. He would lick my shoes, start to tunnel in my pant leg when I fell asleep on the couch, crawl on me as if maybe if he dug far enough into my chest he could find the secret Craisin storage area, and then sniffed the air on his two hind legs as if he was tracking the Craisin criminal. I have a choice to make, either keep giving him Craisins and possibly have to enter the Witness Protection Program, or stick to carrots and bananas as treats.

Catherine then said something I never heard before, she said that her bunny gets "Banana Butt" when she gives him a piece of banana. Boy, what a visual depiction that sparked in my mind, I pictured Frannie running around with a gaggle of bananas sprouting from her rear-end (also known as butt). What in the hell is "banana butt?". Apparently, according to her and what she says many others, some bunnies butts start shaking when they eat banana. Not the rest of their body though, just the butt. Now I had an Aunt that could do that trick, and she was damn near 500 pounds, but I never heard of a bunny doing that, have you? She said only some bunnies do it, of course mine don't, they don't do anything cool like that, other than digesting my furniture. Do your bunnies do it? If so, do you have a pic or video of it? Good, burn it. No just kidding, send it to me and I will post it here!

The Bun Life - Certified Nail Clipper

It's been a bit since my last post, been pretty busy with work, etc. Also, I don't just blog for the sake of blogging, either. Some bloggers resort to telling people all the mundane details of their lives, as if everyone wants to hear how little Johnny pissed in the closet for the last 2 months while sleepwalking, or the progress of Josefina's root canal therapy.

Yesterday was the dreaded "nail clipping" day, which I am sure all of you bunny people just love, right? Wrong. I must say though, I am proud of being able to clip all of their nails, when I first got a bunny I couldn't even envision being able to handle a bunny that well. After years of training, I have finally completed Bunny Nail Clipping school. I received my diploma and certificate in the mail today. Here, I scanned it for you, so you can look at it, click on the pic to bring up a larger version.

Neat huh? I even got a lifetime supply of styptic powder as a parting gift. You should see me now, I am a real pro at clipping. Seriously though, for those of you not yet efficient at clipping your rabbits' nails, maybe the following pointers will help you:

Update 9/24/11

I just wanted to add a note here about what Styptic Powder is, just in case anyone reading this doesn't know. In the store, it looks like this:

Styptic Powder is what's known as an Anti-hemorrhagic (or hemostatic), which means it assists the body in stopping or slowing the bleeding from an open wound. It does this by various mechanisms, from promoting coagulation, increasing tissue contraction, to increasing platelet stickiness in the surrounding area. Sounds really healthy huh? Don't worry, it is virtually harmless when used according to instructions. It can be used on your bunny if you accidentally clip the nail's wick, which will start bleeding when cut. Don't misunderstand me, if you've clipped the wick, you've made a mistake. It is painful for the bunny. To put it in perspective for you, how painful do you think it would be if I pulled your tooth's root out far enough where I could then clip it with a pair of cutters, without Novocaine? Yeah, it'd probably sting a little I bet. So, do your best to spot the end of the wick and cut over it. If you can't see it, have someone else look, if you absolutely must cut because the nails are exceedingly long, then leave extra room above where you think you should cut, to be as safe as possible.
  • Relax. Your bunny is naturally paranoid about everything to begin with, they can sense your apprehension, and most likely they will jerk back right as you are about to clip the nail. Try to be confident, or at least fake it as good as possible, believe me.. it makes a big difference.
  • Let There Be Light. Since your bunny's comfort largely depends on you missing the wick of the nail, it is vital that you give yourself enough light so that you can spot the end of the wick. This is even more important with dark nails. Aside from room light, I keep a mini flashlight nearby, so I can get up close to the nail if need be.
  • Don't rush. I never rush it anymore, I put the bunny up on the counter, and then I spend about 10 minutes petting them, scratch behind the ears, etc. They begin to relax, then I begin the nail trimming. I try to make the experience start and end on a good note.
  • The hind legs, or hocks, are the most stressful for the bunny. They use their front paws to manipulate their surroundings all the time, but they do very little with the hocks other than move and scratch. So, they simply aren't used to having their hocks touched, let alone clipped. My trick is to wait until I do the front paws, then I pet the top of the hocks, just like I would when petting them on the head. Most will jump at first, but that is okay, the more you do it, the more accepting they will be of it. This works great for me.
  • You're In Charge. You have to be persistent as heck with some bunnies, Thumper is a perfect example. I lift his leg to cut the nail, he pulls away, so I do it again, and he pulls away, then I keep doing it until he resolves to himself that he won't be done until I am able to clip the nail, then he relents. Frannie doesn't mind being clipped at all really, she is great with that. Sydney is tough but he is a lot smaller so he is easier to keep still.
  • No Frills Kills. A nail trimmer for a rabbit must be of good quality, and sharp. Otherwise you will be crushing the nail instead of cutting it, which is very painful for the bunny. The nails can splinter and hurt the bunny, as well as infection of the wound. Get a quality trimmer, and keep it sharp, your bunny will appreciate it.
  • Water. I keep a glass of warm water nearby, so I can dip my fingers into it and just wet the little bit of fur around the nail, which gives you a better view, and less of a chance to clip hair along with the nail, which is painful.
The more you practice doing the nails, the easier it will be. Don't resign to the fact that you can't clip them yourself, because you can. Best of luck!

The Bun Life - Heartbreaking News About My Frannie

It is with a heavy heart that I am telling you all this, I am so upset about it that I can barely type at all. At 12:30 PM yesterday, Frannie’s application to the Ohio College of Clown Arts was rejected indefinitely. This means that she can’t even apply again, I wonder what happened that caused this harsh of a reaction. One of their stated reasons was that none of the clown shoes fit Frannie’s feet. Also, she can’t ride a unicycle either.

Oh well, I guess the positive way to look at it is that now Frannie can devote all of her time to practicing for the 2011-2012 Mrs. Oxbow Plumpers Division beauty pageant. I’m sure she will grieve for a while, but life will eventually go on for all of us. We’ll never have closure though, we will just learn to live with the hole in our heart.

The Bun Life - When New Bunny Becomes Old Hat

Bunnies are like children. When you first get them, everything they do is new and exciting, then you spend the remainder of their life wishing you never had them. Whether it is asking for the car keys on a Friday night, or turning your couch into the latest construction (demolition actually) project, a pain in the @ss is a pain in the @ss, no matter how you slice it.

Seriously though, I noticed today that I am always hurrying to do this or that, and am preoccupied with a million other things. I reminded myself today that neither we or bunnies are here indefinitely. Don't get me wrong, I love my rabbits like they were my children (eww, not the best analogy after me trash talking children above huh?). Their presence is such a stable, permanent part of my daily life that I could feed them and clean their litter boxes without even realizing what I am doing, second nature like.

So I am going to do one new thing for my rabbits today, I'll build a new cardboard fort for them, just something different than the other one. I know they love to explore new stuff, and they deserve the attention because they have definitely affected my life in a very positive way. I urge all of you to do the same, do something new for your bunnies today, or tomorrow, or the next day.

You might try taking a cardboard box and put magazines and paper in there. I did this for Frannie and Thumper and they loved it, they were digging in that thing the whole night. I could've sworn I even saw a utility lamp hanging above so they could work throughout the night. I can't prove it, but it was real to me! However, somehow Thumper came along with his one brain cell and mistook the new play box for a litter box. That was the end of that :)

I got the idea originally from a forum member who was trying to stop her bunny from digging to China in her living room or anywhere else he went. She created the box of magazines and paper and he never dug anywhere else after that, pretty cool. I also notice that a new toy or activity livens up the bunnies, even though they love routine and stuff not changing.

The Bun Life - Ouch!

Poor Sydney, he tore his whole nail out on one of his paws. I saw some blood so I got really worried for a min, but then was glad it was only a nail. Don't get me wrong, I know that hurts like a son of a gun. I sat him on counter, wrapped it until it stopped bleeding. Took about 10 minutes, he seems 100% again. It will grow back, I just hate to see animals in pain, especially rabbits, especially MY rabbits. I love how I am there to help all three of them whenever they need something, but they would slit my throat in a heartbeat if I came in between their food or hay. All give and no take, not fair!

The Bun Life - Thumper: Not the Best Posterboy for the Male Gender

Poor Thumps, as all 5 of you know, is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Women constantly talk about how men only care about food, sex, and sleep, and Thumps is not about to start a revolution, lets just put it that way. Even though he is fixed, he still acts like he's walking around...err..with a loaded gun, if you know what I mean. It is so funny some of the things he does, he is so predictable. Lets run down a list of Thumper's priorities, from most important to least important:

  1. Food (and whoever he has to kill to get it is fair game)
  2. Face Humping Frannie (she's lowered the frequency of this to only on his birthday)
  3. Traditional Missionary Humping Frannie
  4. Side/Lateral Humping Frannie
  5. Snuffing Out Frannie's Life if there happens to be a male rabbit within sight.
  6. Killing Sydney
  7. All Forms of Sleep
  8. Breeze
  9. Scanning the room for hours for no apparent reason.
  10. Plot my death
Anyway, what made me laugh this morning was what Frannie did. I took a few Craisins out for the bunnies, gave each of them one, then both start going frantic trying to be the first in line to get the next one. Well eventually, they wound up face to face, nose to nose like a standoff, noses touching. I was behind Thumper, he couldn't see me of course, and Frannie was facing directly at me now grooming Thumper's head. I handed her a Craisin, she had her head over his because he is the dominant one, but it worked to her advantage because she could take a Craisin, eat it, then go right back to grooming his head and he never knew what was going on. I swear, I nearly burst my spleen with laughter when I saw it. Frannie's cruelty just knows no limits!!

The Bun Life – Takes a Licking and Keeps on..Watching TV

The world didn't end, oh well. Baby Fwan (my big fat fluffy Pumpernickel bunny) was really nervous about being taken into heaven prematurely. Well, it wasn't heaven itself that bothered her, in fact she even considers herself to be "serious upper management angel material". Frannie was nervous and asked me "Wait, when we get taken into heaven, does that mean God has to reach down and actually PICK ME UP into heaven? Oh man, I hope not. Can't they just setup a ramp or cardboard steps we could follow or something?" I'm not a Psychiatrist, but something tells me that Frannie might be obsessing over being picked up just a little tad bit.

So last night I sat down to watch a movie, on the "Couch That Time Forgot" and I picked up little Sydney so he could come in and watch TV with me. He sits on my lap the whole time as he always does. He licks EVERYONE who touches him or even remotely comes near him. He likes to groom the top of my wrist, for a few minutes and he usually dozes off or whatever. Well this time he was licking my wrist, for an hour, 2 hours, I kept turning him around a few different postures and even put on a long sleeve sweatshirt. Then he starts digging up into the sleeve and licking my wrist through the sleeve, then he burrows into the inside of my sweat shirt and starts trying to get at my hands again.

To make a long story short, I have filed an order of protection against this 1 pound furry madman licking machine, lol. He is just like the other 2 buns, at least to me, he is a great bunny with such a unique personality, I do my very best to take care of all of them year after year.

The Bun Life - Jesus Camp

I know this is a bit offbeat, but I just watched a documentary called Jesus Camp, which is basically a Christian terrorist camp where the Al Qaida operatives....I mean children are taught that the world is shit, and it is everyone else's fault but theirs. The leader, Becky, talks about the fact that in Pakistan or Whatever-stan the kids are taught radical Islam at 5 years old, and can basically hold a hand grenade before they can hold a bottle. She says that Christians today are "fat and lazy," which to be honest I found pretty silly due to the fact that she is pushing near 300 pounds herself. Who knows, maybe she isn't lazy, and that's what she meant.

Honestly, about as much good came out of that camp as did Jonestown. In the bowling alley, one little 9 year old girl runs up to a total stranger, a woman, and tells her that Jesus wants you to repent, and that she needs to follow the Lord, and on and on. Then she runs back and tells Dad what she did, Dad is happier than a pig in shit over it all. Insanity.

Look, if you want to believe in Jesus and the Born Again doctrine, fine go ahead, but don't think you have the right to tell me, or anyone else on the planet, what we HAVE to believe, and how we are not going to heaven because we don't believe in your one of 2800 religions.

More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason, by far. So you might ask what do I believe, if anything. The truth is that I don't believe that Jesus was the Son of God, nor that he is coming back, but I do think he was a great, wise man, and wanted peace and tolerance. I think those are good things to strive for, morals are good.

Then you have the atheist. Who believes in nothing, no purpose, no creation, we just dripped off of a faucet in a glob of goo for no reason, going nowhere, with no purpose, forever. Okay, fine. Scientific data empowers such an argument, evolution, natural selection, on and on.

The fact is that I think we were created, by some entity, for whatever reason. I also believe we are just not capable of mentally grasping that reason, but something in us beckons for a purpose. I have to admit, society certainly seems to have turned mehcanical and materialistic, where all that matters is a house on a suburban street, an IRA, 2.5 kids, a Dodge RAM Pickup and a $50,000 Suburban to take the kids to soccer practice. Maybe the world could use a little faith, maybe a lot, but we certainly don't need another group of whackos blowing up jetliners for the good of God. Amen to that Fwannie!!

The Bun Life – Par for the Course

My parents visited me the other day, it had been a while since my mother had visited last, so it was nice that she was able to see the rabbits. When she walked in, and started towards the bunnies, I fully expected Frannie to pack an overnight bag and fly to Mexico, but honestly I couldn't believe my eyes. My mother walked right up to her and bent down to pet her, and she sat there enjoying the attention.

She might as well just drove a dagger through my heart right there. What nerve! She NEVER does that for me, I bet all she thinks when she sees me coming is flashbacks of being picked up, brushed, nails clipped, all kinds of horrific atrocities.

My role with the bunnies has become like a tragic comedy, and there I sit, all dressed up with no bunnies to brush. I don't want to offend anyone in a religious sense, but this incident drove me to seek comfort in the Bible, and there was one set of verses that really touched me and helped me through it, let me share a bit of it with you now.


Psalm 934: "Let thy hocks be guided by thou pellets"

"For art thou not art? Thy will must be thou way, for thou art not art thou ain't thy shoe. Therefore, thou must build an ark, and ark of the Lagomorph. But art, how must thou artest build thy ark?

My son, well adopted son actually but whatever, thou must build four NIC cubes, the breast of which is 9 cubits, the leg of which is 5 cubits, and if there are any wings leftover be sure to refrigerate them."

I know you may not find that verse as comforting as I did, but it sure helped me through a bad time. Beautifully crafted, I think it is obvious that whoever wrote it was divinely inspired.

The Bun Life – Shocking Story in Woman’s Day!


The latest issue of Woman’s Day magazine has shocked the house rabbit community to its very core. My name is Ludwig Van Weinershnitzel, and I am a veteran reporter for Woman’s Day magazine. As a journalist who only does stories that make a real impact on the world, I think it was divine intervention that ultimately led me to an extraordinary woman, well a female bunny really, with an extraordinary story of survival. One that I thought was absolutely…yup, extraordinary.

Due to a pending criminal investigation, I cannot tell you her full name, but we will refer to her as Baby Fwan, or Frannie. In August of last year, Frannie was walking alone at night, in a badly lit area by the entertainment center, when she was violently and suddenly attacked. I think the best way to tell you the details are from the horse’s mouth, or at least an ugly bunny that looks like a horse:

“One of my hocks went flat, and the area was really dark and desolate. If it wasn’t for the Dog Whisperer coming on the TV, I wouldn’t have been able to see a thing. I had a feeling someone was stalking me, watching my every move (I’ve been told by good friends that I am always like this but I don’t see it). As I came up on an entertainment center, I ran to the front doors and pounded on them, hoping that someone would open the door, but help never came.

Out of nowhere, a big burly human man appeared from my right. He had the drop on me, and blind-sided me, grasping me with his monstrous hands while PICKING ME UP off the ground! I was freaking out, trying to grab the attention of any passersby. I thought I saw my ex-boyfriend for a second, but he took one look at the situation and ran off to hide. Some boyfriend huh? I can’t believe that nobody had the common sense to at least call 911. The assailant, who was later identified as Jim through a paper trail of hay purchases and pizza delivery receipts, wouldn’t let me go even as I pleaded with him. I told him that he could clip my nails, brush my coat, anything but just not to PICK ME UP AGAIN! Like the criminal he is, he just had no reaction.

Eventually I escaped when he put me down, thankfully. I reported the incident to the nearest Police Station, but the cops were real jerks. They treated me as if I was criminal. They asked heartless questions like, “What were you wearing?” Which of course I told them I only had my pumpernickel fur jumpsuit on, and that even if I dress up as a pumpernickel bagel it doesn’t mean anyone has the right to just pick me up at random!! They asked me to take a polygraph, which I failed because I chewed up all the wires and leads. Boy, they were really pissed off about that.

They kept me in the station for hours, grilling me with accusations and doubts, even tried to beat me with a phone book, but I peed on it before they picked it up. Thank god I had the presence of mind to be that clever. In the end, I identified my attacker, Jim, and he was sentenced to 90 days in jail, only being allowed out once a day to come feed us and change our litter boxes.

Since my harrowing ordeal, I have learned a lot about myself that I never knew before, such as being able to eat a whole bag of carrots and still leave room for pellets. I even started a Picked Up victim’s rights group in my area, and found out that I am not alone; many female bunnies are picked up every day in this world, and we need to start mandatory sentencing for these monsters, or else the whole bunny community is unsafe. Even though I am doing great, I am still more paranoid than ever, never crossing the living room by the entertainment center again. Hopefully, I will continue to grow and learn from this, and it would help to speak at least a little English, but who’s counting?”

Wow, what a story. Actually, I meant what a STUPID story!

Easter 2011: The Bun Life's Open Letter to Those Who Are Considering Getting a Bunny for Easter

It is that time of year again, and Easter is just around the corner on April 24th of 2011. Because of all the joy rabbits have brought into my life, I have always felt that as rabbit lovers, we are the first line of defense when it comes to educating the public about rabbits, and what it really takes to keep them as an indoor pet.

Being a supporter of the House Rabbit Society, I only agree with keeping rabbits indoors like any other domesticated animal (yes, they can be litter trained AND free range just like my 3 are). If you can't keep them anywhere but in a wooden drawer outside in the cold, or in the hot, bug infested weather, then there is no reason to have a rabbit, right?

Every year, without fail, all rabbit rescues around the country get thousands of abandoned rabbit calls from people who bought the rabbit for their kid as an Easter present, and now the kid doesn't want it. If the rescue can't take the rabbit, then the owner lets it loose and dumps it in the woods. Domesticated bunnies have ZERO skills that their wild counterparts do.

All they really do is hide and run long enough to get lucky and starve to death, instead of being eaten alive. They are at the THE BOTTOM of the food chain; meaning everything out there with them is trying to eat them, and they have little defense, especially compared to the wild rabbits. This is a recipe for disaster, and 100% evil and cruel. There are countless reasons why a rabbit is not a good impulse present:
  • They live more than 10 full years on average. So, if your daughter or son is in 8th grade now, they will have the responsibility of caring for the bunny even when they graduate from college. They aren't cute little babies for long; then they are a full-sized pet from then on. This is when they lose their novelty for the young kids who don't know any better, and accidentally "let themselves out".
  • If you made a list of every kind of pet, and then tried to find the one domesticated indoor pet that was the absolute highest amount of maintenance, a bunny would be near the top. They have complex diets, hay and pellets and water daily. Not to mention cleaning up the hair and stray pellets of poop.
  • Bunnies have an extremely complicated and delicate digestive system. Stasis is up there for the most prolific killer of bunnies, and it is hard to detect until it is too late. This means that regular checkups, at least once every 6 months, are needed. This all costs money.
  • Rabbits are NOT child safe pets. They are, for the most part, afraid of being picked up (especially my Frannie); which makes sense, because in the wild being picked up means being eaten. Children are clumsy and unsure of themselves when they first start interacting with a new pet; but rabbits have an extremely light skeletal system that is largely hollow and is less dense than a cat's. It is VERY common for a child to try and pick up or hold a bunny and it falls from fright or by mistake, and suffers a broken back. There is nothing that can be done after that, they must be put down (the rabbit, not the kid). 
  • If you are a person who is very vain about their house and furniture (which isn't an insult), then having a rabbit might not be a good idea, because they have a penchant for chewing wires, couches, molding, carpets, and anything else. Sure, with training and rabbit-proofing your place properly, this can be mitigated, but not if you aren't expecting it.
  • Rabbits multiply like Gremlins at a 4 a.m. smorgasbord. Unless fixed, they will quickly turn from 2 bunnies into half a trillion bunnies. Wow, how lucky you are to have a zillion offspring bestowed onto thou??
  • Rabbits are known to be government witnesses for the bunny mafia who have been placed into the Witness Relocation Program while cooperating with known criminal bunnies. 
Okay no, that last one was a lie, but you can see where I am coming from. Now for the flip side. By reading that list you might think I am telling you that rabbits suck and to never to get one. With the exception of Frannie, I mean nothing of the sort. They are wonderful animals, and can bring you much joy for years, but the reason for all of this is to show you that adopting a rabbit is something that needs to be given serious thought. If you have considered all of these things, and found a way for them to work with your family, then by all means go and adopt a rabbit. 

I ask all of you to never adopt a bunny on Easter Sunday, it is a testament to our feelings for the rabbit's plight, and to do our best to get this point across to the public.

And one more big thing: if you do get a bunny, please adopt one from a rescue. Pet stores want your money, and that's it. Rescues care about the bunnies, not profit. Volunteers work their butts off for nothing but the satisfaction of helping a bunny find a home that wouldn't have found it otherwise. Thank you and have a nice holiday!

The Bun Life - Guess Who's Profile Was On

I can’t believe it, I went online and apparently Frannie placed a singles ad on! Can you believe that? Here check out her ad, it is really crazy:

Me on the Left, Just Ignore My Ex on the Right
Name: Baby Fwan (people just call me Baby Fwan for short)
Age: “You wish!”
Gender: Female
Race: “Yes, I’m Really Fast”
Location: Livingroom and ½ of the Dining room
Education: I Watch a lot of Discovery Channel
Occupation: Full-time Certified House Rabbit
Salary: Two Bags of Western TH per week
Favorite Band: Tumpie Rabbits and the Five Whatchamacallits
Favorite Bagel : Pumpernickel (duh)
Marital Status: Divorced

Personal Section

What is your reason for joining BunMatch?

I am getting old, almost REAL old, and I was in a relationship that was going nowhere. No seriously, we went nowhere, if there wasn’t the occasional trip to under the couch I don’t think I would’ve been able to hold my sanity. I want to meet someone that I can talk to, on the same level as I am intellectually. My ex is a total retard. Cute, white and fluffy yes, but common sense? Nada. He was constantly putting me in situations where I would get picked up, have my nails cut, get my hair brushed! They were HORRIBLE experiences, Jim should be arrested and put away in prison for life for the trauma he caused me.

What is Your Ideal Mate?

A buck who works, pays the bills, can provide a roof over my head, preferably a Cottontail Cottage but it isn’t a deal breaker. I know not everyone can afford such luxuries. Man, I would even settle for an empty 2-liter supermarket box, I hear most of the low-class shelter buns have only that for comfort. He should be decent looking, yes, but that isn’t the most important factor. He must live with a human who DOESN’T PICK ME UP, that is THE most important thing in life to me, before food or shelter even. Also, he can’t be STUPID!

Write a Quick Message to Your Potential Mates Out There

Hi, I enjoy long walks on the carpet, and watching the sunset from under the couch. I am an easy gal to get along with, just no face-humping or getting me picked up, Homie don’t play that.

The Bun Life - My Nephew Stephen..The Little Engine That Could

Actually, he is more like "The Little Engine That Could Not Stop Crying Every Time He Sees Me!!" Well, first off, let me acquaint you with "HIM", better known as Stephen, my nephew:

Don't let the cute button nose and infectious laugh fool you, this baby has brought me to the brink of despair more than once!! He would make a great commercial acting baby, because you can make him cry on cue, on demand anytime you want, for any length of time.

"How is that even possible?" you ask? Okay, well even if you didn't really ask that, I am going to answer it anyway. It is possible, a virtual guarantee, as sure a thing as Old Faithful, that to get Stephen to cry on demand, you simply need to alert him to my presence! Did you think it would be more complex than that?

Well, no sir. He could be immersed in happiness, love, endless bottles, run of the house unabated, attention non-stop 24/7, but the second he realizes he is staring at my ugly mug, boom! The tears start flowing! I am not talking about regular crying here, from the outside it sounds like I am pulling his teeth out with a blow torch and a pair of rusty bolt-cutters.

Me and my sister discussed this at length, and we have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle this situation is to simply tell him that I am the devil. Yup, it's quick, it's painless (well, for him it is anyway, my future mental health not withstanding), and most of all, it builds a solid foundation for mine and his relationship later on in life to blossom, you know, sort of like how Jim Jones and his people did.

The Bun Life - Diner Left Overs, and the Case of the Paper Bag Bandit

I was home last night, banging my skull against the wall repeatedly so I could relax and transfix into a Zen state. I had to top off Baby Fwan's and Thumper's litter box with fresh hay. Of course, as soon I take one step in their direction, Frannie packs up and leaves town. Both of them head for their cage, and ultimately both wind up cowering behind the litter box. Ok, I think, let me just top off the box and let them munch on the hay. However, things are never simple when your life is controlled by a loaf of pumpernickel bread.

Thumper is the all-time worst bully I have ever seen. Any time they are enclosed in a small area, he relentlessly face humps poor Frannie non-stop. She puts up with it, and puts up with it, and puts up with it, then to get away from him she starts circling the cage (because she won't run out because I am standing near the cage), and we all know circling leads to a fight. I backed up and even went into the other room to make her feel safe to run out of the cage.

She just plain and simple would NOT exit the cage. I approach with the hay bag, and Thumps starts drilling her on cue, and things reached that critical point where Frannie exceeds her "Amount of crap I will tolerate from Thumper" hard limit. The switch had been thrown. Frannie tussled with Thumper, even nipping him on the back. He gets the hell out of dodge immediately. One point for the pumpernickel team.

The day before last I came home to see the entire cage (which is placed full fit into the corner of the room) pulled away from the far wall. Frannie was stuffed in between the wall and cage, as peaceful as anything. They just love being snuggled and stuffed into tight places because of their wild nature, the same thing goes for them loving to hide under something, it makes them feel more secure about birds snatching them up. I have seen her pull crates and playpens by gripping it with her teeth and then pulling. They can be very persistent.

Then earlier tonight I order something for takeout from the local diner. They put everything in a supermarket style brown paper bag. I go home and eat it, and I leave the paper bag standing straight up on the couch while I use the restroom. While in the rest room, I hear familiar sounds, typical sounds of my bunnies working on a new construction project. I wasn't worried. When I walked into the living room, I see the bag is half of what it used to be, and I see a pumpernickel pom-pom peering out from the back. Guess who is in there? Yup, my Mom. No just kidding, FRANNIE OF COURSE!

Boy, she sure knows how to entertain herself, that's for sure. She hardly ever does "The Crazies" anymore, but I realized that she does it mostly when I am asleep. I hear the noise from the other room of her doing two thousand laps around the apartment. I have always wanted to get it on video. Most bunnies run around a little, do some binkies, but she does all kinds of stuff. I think a lot of it is her playing out certain situations, like being chased, etc. I am considering putting a little webcam in the corner and then see what she does when I am not home.

I tell ya, when I adopted Frannie, I never could've imagined what she was really like. Her personality is so unique, most things she does are often trivial at best, until you think about it for a while; then it all makes sense :)

The Bun Life - Wow, Truly Wow

I have been cleaning out my apartment, moving stuff around, etc. I had two empty cardboard boxes, they were already broken down so I could fold them and reuse them in the future. I got sidetracked and left one on the table and one fell on the floor under the table, with a foot of it sticking out.

Now Frannie and Thumps hate the linoleum floor and will not use it to grab a shortcut regardless of whatever they are running from. Well, all that changed, for Fran it did at least. SHe started darting across the kitchen linoleum in order to avoid being picked up. The problem was that she slipped and slid everywhere, so it was only something she would do if absolutely necessary.

Anyway, I woke up to find the one box that fell off the table completely stretched out length wise, which was just barely enough to cover the distance of the gap. I look at Frannie and she was hopping around like she solved world hunger. WIth the cardboard bridge that she built, she can then cross over the kitchen gap to avoid the linoleum floor altogether.

Don't believe me if you want, it is true regardless of what anyone thinks. What shocks me are the following facts:

1. She is aware that she has been stopped in her getaways by the linoleum floor.

2. She knows that she can nmake it across, but it is very scary and she could get hurt or splay her legs or something.

3. Uses the box as a way to solve this issue, what should astonish anyone is the solving of a PAST problem, and anticipation of a FUTURE one.

She knows she can go around, but wants to use it in order to make the getaway quicker. Needless to say, I am stunned.

The Bun Life - Persistance and Poise

After the cage was cleaned out last night, cardboard was placed throughout along with computer printing paper that I like to use because it has no ink and wont stain their feet. Then I sat down and was gonna watch a movie. Now mind you, the cage is to my left and mere 6 feet.

I swear, from the very nano second that the DVD started, and all the way to the last credit at the end, Frannie spent the entire time biting, chewing, thrashing, and shredding every piece of paper and cardboard in the damn cage. Then she hopped in the litterbox and ate about 12 pounds of hay all by herself, I guess so Thumper wouldn't have any when he went in it.

I had taken off my shoes and socks before the movie started, and after the movie ended, which I heard none of by the way, I leaned over to put my socks and shoes on. Well, now I have one sock, not two. Would you believe that Frannie dragged it under the couch with her. I was wondering what was being chewed and ripped while she was under there. I assumed she was eating the couch from the inside out like she always does, nope. My sock was history.

Then I go to give them a carrot each, and Frannie takes hers and eats it, then runs up and grabs Thumper's carrot and ran away with it under the cardboard mazes I have. I still don't know who won that incident, but someone did.

Then I come home from the store, and I hear a scratching sound coming from the towel linen closet. I opened it up and out hopped Frannie, she must have broke in there and then I closed the door by mistake. No danger or anything, it has lights and decent room. But it is definitely off limits so I was surprised to see her there.

Then I wanted to run the Shop Vac, so I had to pen them in with a playpen for a few minutes so they don't chew the wire. I took a bowl of some pellets and placed it down in the middle of the playpen, of course Thumper strolled right into the pen and I closed it off so I could keep them separate for the 5 minutes or so. I did the same food trick with Frannie, and she was giving me one of those looks that a dog gives you when he is uncertain of what he is hearing. You know, where they crook their head sideways to try and determine what it is you want.

Well, Fran sat still as a stone with that look towards me. She was telling me that there was no way in hell she was going in the pen. I ultimately snuck up on her ten minuites later and got her in the pen, but man what a hassle! Who knew one pumpernickel bunny could cause this much chaos, lol? I just marvel at how rabbits have the 411 on everything in their domain. They know every fiber, twig, corner, and crumb and where they should each be at any given time. Anything different, I mean anything, and they are immediately aware of it. I guess they are like that due to being at the bottom of the food chain.