The Bun Life - Happy Jolloween!

Let me begin by first saying how much I absolutely HATE Halloween! Seriously, I do. Also, I have new upstairs neighbors now. The new people are WAY different than the amateur porn star couple that moved out. What moved in is Satan's in-laws. It is a couple in their thirties, the gangster type, with their underwear sticking out of their pants. Look, I love hip-hop music too, and if you grew up in Compton then I agree you are probably made of roofing nails. However, when you are a skinny white kid from the posh suburbia-heaven ghetto of Dix Hills, acting like the streets raised you is downright ridiculous looking. Anyway, Snoop Dogg and his Gangsta Hoe have like 80 kids, and they all wear platforms filled with concrete, and they sound like they have a Riverdance Instruction school that runs from 2AM to 1AM the next night, for the one hour they aren't open they are playing tag team wrestling and skydiving off the bed onto the floor, where I hear every bump, tap, slam, and heel stomp like it is beamed directly into my ear cavity. These kids must stay up all night drinking coffee and snorting No-Doz because I here them pounding and kicking and slamming all f*&^&*in night and day, EVERY night and day. I have become almost immune to it lately. I don't want any problems. I know kids will be kids so there is only so much Snoop can do. After all, there is 80 of them. How the hell do they have so many kids? I did the math, according to mine and Frannie's calculations, she must've had her first kid when she was 4. Yeah, not possible, back to the drawing board I guess. Hey, maybe they were like Gremlins and ate some fried chicken after Midnight, and then multiplied 79 times? Who knows.

The buns are great! We are getting all ready for Halloween. I have big plans. Frannie is gonna wash her hair, and then me and her are playing an exhibition Polish Yahtzee marathon with Thumper. We were thinking of doing a Haunted Couch Ride to make some extra money, but the couch is gone so scratch that idea! I am getting a life size picture of Charles Manson, taping it to my apt. door on Halloween, then writing on it "Knock for Candy! Note: I cannot be held liable for ANY sharp instruments found in candy!" That should deter those annoying trick or treaters! Bah-Humbun!

The Bun Life - Male Bunny Pickup Lines

Being a male house rabbit has got to be a tough gig. I mean, it isn’t bad enough you are born scared, but then you have to spend your life chasing girls that don’t want to be chased. For a male bunny to have at least a remote chance of passing on his legacy, he has to be one heck of a good talker. I can only imagine the lines that guy bunnies use on their female counterparts, some of them probably are:
  • "I used to get all the chicks, but I wasn't compatible with any of them." (Get it???)
  • "Bartender! I’ll have whatever she wants!"
  • "I normally don't go out with girls as ugly as you, but at this point I'll take anything with floppy ears and a heartbeat. The heartbeat's optional."
  • "Wow! You smell divine, what is that perfume you're wearing? Hay and Urine? Do they sell it at Macy's?"
Those are just a few that come to mind. See if you can think of anymore to add to the list. Imagine what it is like to be a boy bunny in this hectic house rabbit world they live in., use that for your creative inspiration!

The Bun Life - They'reeeee Baaacccckkkk

As you know, my friends Chris and Lori graciously took my buns for me roughly 2 weeks ago. Well, there was apparently some gross misunderstanding between me and them. Lori called me Tuesday to find out when I would be "picking up the buns," which understandably befuddled me. I don't know where Chris and Lori are from, or what their native language is, but I never said I was "picking up the buns" at all, ever. I asked if I could drop them off, if they would take them, and they said yes. I never said I wanted them back, nor that I intended to pick them up again.

Needless to say, this is an issue. I was all excited and happy to be Bun-free, joyful that I finally put the boot to those darn rabbits, and now this annoying little thing pops up. I tell you, that is the last time I trust so-called "friends". I saw a lawyer today and filed for full, permanent custody of the buns. Only, I filed custody for Chris and Lori, not for me though. So they now have full permanent custody of the three furry loafs of bread, and not me. So technically, they are now "their" buns, and not mine, so how could they argue that I should take their own buns??? Genius, right? I know, I know, I'm gifted, you don't have to tell me.

I promised the buns I would visit them every time we have a Lolar Eclipse. That is when the Sun, Moon, Earth, Mars, and Boise, Idaho all come into alignment near the equator. Hopefully, that will be soon.

Oh by the way, just kidding, the buns are back and are doing splendid. I missed them terribly, but C&L took wonderful care of them, I can't thank them enough. Thanks guys!

The Bun Life - Missing Wabbits & R.I.P. Tango

One of our Bun Life Groupies, Christina from Heartland Bunny Blog and Rabid Tidbits, sadly lost her beautiful bunny Tango on Sunday morning. It was totally unexpected. Christina frequently comments here, and has been one of the most stable readers of The Bun Life, among others. My heart goes out to her and her family.

My bunnies are MISSING! I am doing work in my apartment, and my two friends Chris and Lori, also Bun Life Groupies by the way, are graciously watching my three buns until tomorrow night. A total of almost 7 days or so. I hate being away from them, but I will get them again soon. Thanks goes to Chris and Lori for helping me, they are amazing people, as many bunny rescue people are. 

Every time I go over there, we talk to each other non-stop for hours. The only down side is that neither one of them speaks English. They are from Pumpernickelstan, a real small country with a population of paranoid ugly people that are afraid to get picked up. Imagine that? The state bird is the Pumpernickel Swallow, named so because it can't swallow. Not a clue how it eats. Just kidding of course :) They speak perfect English. I am glad they are there, a real life saver for me.

The Bun Life - All New Bun Life Groupie Badge

Shazzie, a Bun Life Groupie, inspired me to create an official badge for the groupies of Bun Life. Here it is:

Nice huh? Make sure you wear it on your blog and/or Facebook page!!

The Bun Life - Banana Butt Caught on Camera by Shazzarazzi!!

A new Bun Life groupie, Shazzie, has done me the finest honor of filming her bunny Nutmeg (who is incredibly gorgeous by the way) doing the Banana Butt. Before I comment on it, here is the clip for your viewing pleasure:

Awwwww! That is too funny. I love how she zooms in on the butt for a close-up, that is classic! Poor Nutmeg, compromising her dignity for her banana addiction. Gee, I hope the other bunnies don't find out, then it will be all over school, and before you know it the damn thing will be up on YouTube! Then she'll NEVER get a job  for Fran's sake! Uh oh, too late!!

The Bun Life - Looks Like a Train Came Through the Box!

Clear pic huh? Just got my new camera, it is a Fisher Price model 1. Seriously though, it is a bad pic because I used a cellphone that doesn't have a good camera, plus the poor lighting made it horrible, but it does point out what I wanted it to. You see what bunnies do? They loved to tunnel in the wild, and do it instinctively, so it is hilarious to watch them build tunnels out of everything. If you put something new in the way of where they normally go to, they will first attempt to move it, but if not then out comes the tunnel operation. Since they love going under the middle of my couch because it is an empty space there, I put a cement tube behind the couch and pushed it against the wall, so they could go through the tube but not under the couch. That didn't last long, they tunneled through the tube right where the entrance to the middle of the couch is, by memory! They are such funny animals, I love their odd behaviors. lol.

The Bun Life - These f@!!@%$ Gnats Are Driving Me Insane!

I have these gnats, fruit flies and possibly drain gnats. I can't get rid of them, I tried the jar with apple cider vinegar, dw liquid, and paper inverted cone. They work great, I have 4 of them, 2 in the living room and kitchen, 2 in my office/bedroom. Every day I empty out at least 15 of them from each jar. I had some rotting veggies in the frig for like 2 months. A month ago I realized that gnats were hoarding the frig, so I emptied and bleached the whole thing. Now I keep nothing in there except bare essentials, and anything older than a couple days is immediately tossed. I am thinking that maybe the drip pan is dirty, but I am scared to look, isn't that shameful?? I'm like a little girl when it comes to bugs, I would probably throw my own mother in front of a house fly to save myself!. I keep NOTHING with any organic matter out anywhere. Along with the jars, I have about 400000000 rolls of fly paper hanging from every square inch of the apartment. I taped plastic sheathing over my entire air conditioner in the office because it would run and I heard water running from the condensation in the unit. It is through the wall so I don't want to touch it. I don't need it now anyway, so I sealed the whole thing off. I have a fly swatter that I carry around like a gun. I am getting good at killing them with my hands. Next I'll be like Mr. Miyagi and catching them with chopsticks blindfolded. In the middle of the living room I keep a baby swimming pool there on the floor and I keep it filled with liquid rock candy and coca cola. Do you think that is contributing to the problem? I check the bunnies often, and they seem fine. I never see them reacting to any gnats. If I didn't have bunnies I would blast this whole place with ammonium nitrate, but since I do have bunnies I can only use bunny-safe methods. Too bad the buns don't eat gnats, I could kill two gnats with one Fran! It is tough because the buns now wear the hazmat suits 24/7, looks like I am filming Outbreak two over here. Supernanny, please help us!!!