The Bun Life - Fran Responds To "Disaster Plan" Post

I just got this in my inbox from Baby Fwan. I always wonder how annoying it must be for her to type, I bet she constantly hits the CAPS LOCK key by accident with her dew claw. Hey maybe it is "do claw" and not "dew claw" because it is there for them to "do" something with, like press the CAPS LOCK key, on purpose I mean. Unlikely, yes, but possible. Anyway, oh yeah, Frannie's email:

Dear Jim (Is it spelled j-i-m or g-y-m?),

Read your post about the disaster plan. Honestly, I don't see what is so funny about it, you talk about us like we are the laughing stock of the whole neighborhood. Maybe Thumper is because he is so stupid, but don't group us together just because we sleep under the same couch together. The relationship is totally tectonic, or is it hooked on phonics? No, wait, I think it is platonic, right? Which one means 'I am attracted to this bun by negative 5000%'? I think it is platonic. Anyway, just out of curiosity, can you fill in a blank for me and tell me exactly what happens between you "getting the stun baton" and "picking me up unconscious"? You scare me, I hope those are empty threats.

So yeah, we all basically think that, in the event of a disaster, we are totally screwed. Not only because you decided to adopt 9 trillion bunny rabbits, but your severely limited intelligence makes it virtually impossible. Not to mention El Dumbo over here, he would jump off a bridge if I told him to. But we can't give up Gym, if we do then the terrorists win, so lets keep our Terror Alert Level at yellow for now, and we can play it by year, or is it by ear?  Oh whatever, this English language is a pain in the ass.

Best,

BF ::(

The Bun Life - Disaster! Are You Prepared? Do You Have a Disaster Plan??

Ads on TV and in magazines keep saying that it is absolutely imperative that you have a disaster plan all laid out, just in case of a ..well….disaster. I surfed around online and talked to some people here and there just to see if any of them had their disaster plan all set and ready to go, just in case, and quite a few of them said that they did and that it doesn’t have to be very complicated, it just needs to have everyone agreeing on what to do, where to go, etc. I decided that I needed one of ‘dem ‘dare plans, and asked for a copy of one of theirs to use as a reference. Here is the plan they gave me:

  1. If possible, find out where everyone is, and set a plan to reacquaint as soon as possible.
  2. Figure out what is going on, if need be, turn on TV or radio to see if there is a broadcast.
  3. Gather emergency kit (blankets, batteries, coats, medicine, food, etc.).
  4. Figure out where danger resides and head in the opposite direction if you can, bring reserve gas for car if operable.
  5. Travel until safe, temporarily at least, then decide on long term objective.

This sounds real straight forward, and I imagine that my plan would look just like this; of course, I mean if I didn’t have 3 bunnies that is. However, let’s face it, I do have 3 bunnies. So I drew up my own disaster plan, one which accommodates my exact situation.

  1. Find out where immediate family is.
  2. Wake up Fran and Thumps, will most likely need to turn the couch over to get them up.
  3. Chase Sydney around the bedroom for 15 minutes until I can grab him, move the Fort Knox of gates and pens I have in the bedroom so I can get Syd out.
  4. Get both carriers out from the different closets.
  5. While holding Syd, place fresh towels on the bottom of each carrier, dark color for Syd, light for the other two.
  6. Get some hay from the closet and place some on top of the towels in each carrier.
  7. Attach a water bottle to each carrier with clips, etc.
  8. Stuff Syd into his carrier and close it.
  9. Go into living room and place Frannie’s and Thumper’s carrier in the center of the room with the door open.
  10. Wait the 2 seconds until Thumper climbs in and lies down.
  11. Pretend that I am going in the bathroom and hide around the corner to see if Fran will fall for it and hop in carrier.
  12. Once she doesn’t go in, chase her around the apartment for 30 to 45 minutes.
  13. Get the Stun Baton from the closet, and approach Fran.
  14. Pick Frannie up while she is still unconscious, and stuff her pumpernickel ass into the carrier with Thumps.
  15. Gather some medicines for the rabbits, like Revo and Simethicone, etc.
  16. Pack up some bags of pellets, and a bag or two of fresh hay.
  17. Start washing different greens for the rabbits. Let them dry, then pack the greens.
  18. To avert boredom and endless chewing, be sure to pack up one of those Cottontail Cottages.
  19. Cut out a small section of the couch to calm Frannie if she should get homesick.
  20. Pull the car around.
  21. Put some antiseptic on all the claw wounds from the bunnies.
  22. Bandage up wounds.
  23. Pack Syd in the front seat.
  24. Strap and buckle in Syd’s carrier.
  25. Pack Frannie, Thumps, and the 43 bags of rabbit supplies into the back.
  26. Attach a trailer in order to store the gates, playpens, cardboard boxes, and cages for the buns.
  27. Load the trailer with all of the pens and stuff.
  28. Strap and buckle in Frannie’s and Thumper’s carrier.
  29. Attach sign to back bumper that reads, “Caution: We Brake for Buns at All Railroad Crossings”
  30. Pray to god that spending 31 hours packing the bunnies up doesn’t eat up any chance we had of surviving.
Alrighty then, not exactly the fast action, simple plan that I expected, you think it is a tad too long? Gee, I hope I never have to use it!

The Bun Life - MSNBC's New Show "To Catch a Predator" Remix Idea

On occasion I find myself watching the "To Catch a Predator" series with MSNBC's Chris Hanson, you know, the one where they pose as 13 year old kids and see who is willing to come over their house to have sex with them. Yeah, that one. The fact that these guys want to have sex with young teenage girls doesn't surprise me a whole lot. After all, most of us have our first sexual experiences when we are that age, so it is natural to want to recapture that moment, notice how I said "want" to recapture it, and not "willing to show up at a 13 year old kid's house intent on having sex with her. Memories and fantasy, and reality, in this type of situation are far different.  A percentage of these guys are ill and don't posses the restraint normal healthy people have, that fine line between reality and fantasy is blurred for them. Then you have the percentage of them that are all around scumbags and predators, which is a large percentage unfortunately. To be honest, I was shocked at how many of these guys actually can convince themselves to go through with this. Society's exploitation of young people I feel contributes to the aberration of these guys, everywhere you look you see underwear ads with 14 and 15 year old girls/boys posing in provocative poses. Why would the companies do that? There is only one reason that makes any sense, they know that sex sells and they are pushing their brand with the sex vehicle, anything else is pure bullshit.

The sheer volume of willing participants that show up at these places is mind boggling. These guys are willing to risk EVERYTHING, family, friends, money, jobs, freedom, and anything else just to have that outside chance of a face to face encounter and real experience. That saddens me, I do admit I love watching their face change when the camera crew comes out, uh-oh, life's about to change drastically huh?

NOTE ADDED: I browsed the archives for a couple hours about all the different guys they have caught, man a lot of these guys are downright scary, amazing how after all the individual stings that there is a growing interest and willingness to chance a meeting by these pervs. Thank god I have no children.

2ND NOTE ADDED: Holy shit, just saw the one where the Indian guy stripped and walked in naked asking to watch the teen have sex with the cat with Cool Whip. Its a good thing this guy isn't crazy, otherwise who knows what other shit he woulda brought to the house. I think that guy owns an Amoco by me, or 7-Eleven, or some other terrorist franchise that keep cropping up. Now I wonder what kind of job prospects that guy will have in the US after all this. I imagine he might find some resistance in the job market. Maybe he could include some clips of him chasing down the cat with his willy hanging out on MSNBC. I am sure some terrorist cell or Amoco/Mobil/7-Eleven would be eager to hire a go getter like that, just don't let him bunny sit.

So obviously most of you reading this will understand perfectly why this segment belongs in a rabbit blog, right? Of course. Rabbits and Cho-Mo's go together like biscuits and gravy, wait the biscuit girl told me she was 31, that cake I bought her in my car is for her "31st" Birthday, not her 13th Birthday like you think, I got the 3 and the 1 mixed up, I am Dis Lexus I think, or bass ackwards, I forgot which.

So, the point of my post, I got to thinking how I could work the rabbit angle into this. I got the idea of Baby Fwan starting her own show and sting operation, she would call it "To Catch a Picker Upper". Bare with me here, be brave. Baby Fwan and I would troll (new word I learned in Serial Killer class, it is short for "patrolling", Christ, I am sharp ain't I?) the web and we would try to lure men/women over to my apartment by promising them a face to face meeting with Baby Fwan, and here is where the felony part comes in, we would promise them a chance to pick up Baby Fwan AT WILL. Scandalous I know, but extreme measures require extreme ..uhh...bunnies..I guess?? Anyway, I would portray Baby Fwan, be the decoy kinda, and tell them how fat and fluffy I am with a "sensuous pumpernickel coat" and all. Who could resist at that point? I might even throw up some pics of BF when she wasn't so fat. Then when the chumps get here, I would tape them picking up Baby Fwan, then confront them with the rest of the troops. Then call all their friends back home and show them how they have the brass pair to come to a strange bunny's house and just pick her up without at least wining and dining her first. Bastards!! I am gonna write the pilot tomorrow, right after I get my Prozac adjusted, and NO, this has NOTHING to do with it!!

The Bun Life - Poor Thumps is a Paranoid Schiz


Been awhile since I posted last, but I do that for a reason. I hate reading someone’s blog who writes just to throw anything up to make the blog feel like a daily active blog. If I don’t have anything funny to write, or am just not feeling the groove, I will wait until I do. Anyway, that is my two cents. Now, let’s get down to business and talk about what really is important in life:  wabbits. Well, not just any rabbit, but the white pillow that disguises itself as bunny named Thumps. I swear, if you pet his fur, he is pure albino white lop and has the softest plush coat I have ever seen (well, there was that European chick I dated a while back, but that is irrelevant).

Anyway, being an albino, Thumps scans the room all day long, and reacts to all of the things he thinks he sees. In humans this is called “friggin delusional psycho”. Thumper does have one other strike against him and that’s a horrible illness called “Stupidity”. Poor Rumpus, I love him to death, but it seems we caught the illness in the farthest most advanced stage. It could be terminal, which means that Thumps would suffer from chronic dumbness for the remainder of his life. This has been causing me great pains in my stomach, oh wait that was only gas.

So, to make a real short story long and drawn out, my power went out last night for like 20 minutes, I thought it might be a blown fuse, but I had Frannie check the fuse box and to test every switch for continuity with her Radio Shack electronics tool set. She did, wasn’t the fuse box, at least I think that is what she said, it is tough to understand her sometimes with that heavy Italian accent. So here I am with my bunnies in the pitch black. I go out to my car and get my heavy duty MAG lite flashlight so I can see what I am doing until my eyes can adjust fully. 

It didn’t take me long to realize the strange behavior Thumps was exhibiting. He was chasing the target areas which I shined the flashlight on all over the room. He was running laps around the room, and every time he chased it he would do a half-assed binky, kind of like a practice type binky. I immediately shutoff the flashlight when I saw the impact it was having on Thumps……….NOT! Yeah Right, I decided to squeeze this rare moment for all it was worth, I had poor Thumps doing cartwheels, backflips, and he even “Walked Like an Egyptian” for a while. Then when he tired down I shut the flashlight off, would you believe that the second I shut the flashlight off the power came back on? Talk about ironic huh?

The whole time this was happening, Baby Fwan watched in amusement. Those two are like 2 peas in a pod, 2 musketeers,  2 ships passing in the night (one ship would be handsome, but dumber than dirt; and the other ship would have an ugly paint job, different colored parts from different types of ships, the whole crew would be scared of getting picked up, etc. lol.

The Bun Life - A Fwan in the Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush...err...Under the Couch I Mean

Baby Fwan is incredible I tell you. She is absolutely brilliant as far as rabbits go. She knows exactly what she can do, what she can't, what she should get Thumper to do first, when I am in "pick her up" mode, and when I am doing something else. Like tonight for example, she and Thumps were laying by the TV, pretty much welded to one another. I was cleaning up around them, at times I was even picking up stuff right near them. Walking by, the whole nine yards, and I tell you Frannie didn't so much as move a muscle, or even an earlobe. I scratched her ears and pet her head. Then I thought that now would be a good time to brush Frannie. So, doing nothing different, I walked into the kitchen and got out my towel, which the buns are at least 20 feet from me by now and blocked by the wall. I waltz out into the living room and what do I see? Now there is only ONE bunny..yup..Tumps. Frannie all but packed up and took a flight to Brazil by now.

So I commit a cardinal sin. I lift the couch up. Once that happens, it is game on. I don't care who you are, you ain't catching her, it is absolutely impossible. If I am really determined, I might be able to pen her in after about 30 minutes. Not only does she know EVERY inch of my apartment, but she knows exactly what my weaknesses are. She knows what I am willing to do, and what I am not willing to do. Perfect example, I have her cornered into a hallway area that has one of those Cottontail Cottages there. She is under the cottage, staring at me. Once I get too close, she will dart out, right at me! Why? Because she knows that yes, I will try and snatch her, but I will not force the issue. If she starts to scramble while I am holding her, I am not gonna risk her getting hurt or anything, so I let go. She knows this, and uses this against me, BAD FWAN!! The more you insist on doing something, the more she insists that she ain't doing it. Now Tumps, to get him all you have to do is draw an X on the floor and say, "stand there please" and he'll be like, "Durr, okay, here??" Now why can't Baby Fwan be like that?

In all honesty, I wouldn't change a thing about her, she is an amazing animal. Well, I would get rid of her couch fetish if I could, but that's it. You would never know just by meeting her a few times, but if you watch the things she does, extremely intelligent. If there was a Navy Seals for bunnies, Fran would be like their Black Ops agent or something.

The Bun Life - Gene Mutation,Stem Cell Research,etc.

I was watching some show the other night about gene mutation and similar stuff. One scientist thinks in the future that you will be able to pick the kind of baby you want to have the best chance at getting, and they make the necessary adjustments in a test tube. almost like going to the deli in the AM and getting breakfast. "Yeah, hmm, I think I am gonna get a Baby Boy Harvard Law Package, is it compatible with the NASCAR driver mods? Great, ring it up, I mean ring him up."

Of course my mind wanders to what sorts of things I could do with bunnies and gene mutation. First and foremost, I would want to microscopically separate the pumpernickel bagel chromosome from the rabbit chromosome, so that Baby Fwan can have a shot at being just a normal kid again, I mean bun again.

Then I was hit by some flash visions. The best way to describe it is the movie remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldbloom (<<< spelling?) where he has two chambers and he tries to teleport from one to the other, but accidentally lets a house fly into the chamber with him. Thus, he becomes part fly, part man, also known as a "Flan". Wow, even sounds like Fran, this was meant to be, John Edwards told me so.

Of course, my experiment would not be to merge 2 life forms, but to separate. I would have subject A, Baby Fwan, hop into the left chamber, then hit the button marked "Depumpernickelization Process Start", at this point if Baby Fwan could talk she would likely say, "I don't know what is going on here, but whoever is in that other booth when I transport over, better not even think about picking me up, okay?"

The objective is to transport Frannie, minus the pumpernickel, to the destination portal. Knowing my luck, Fwan would remain the same, but then we would have pumpernickel bagels with wings flying all over the house. You know what they say, "You can take the Fwan out of the Pumpernickel, but You Can't the Pumpernickel out of the Fwan."

The Bun Life - Signs Up All Over The Apartment???

I came home last night, and the whole neighborhood was plastered with this sign:


Who could have done such a thing? Witnesses did say that, the night before, they could've sworn they saw a pumpernickel bagel running around with a clipboard and a stapler. Very weird.

The Bun Life - Urgent! Question for All Of You Legal Buffs

Now, I want to make something very very clear, I am ONLY asking hypothetically now. Meaning that none of what I say has actually happened, I am only assuming and hypothetically posing questions for non-existant situations.

What if I had a friend, who had a little dwarf bunny, lets say a brown one, that was mentally ill. What if, hypothetically, my friend went to pour this bunny's pellets into his food dish, and something bad happened. I don't know, just for pretend sake, lets say that this mentally ill bunny waited until I....I mean my friend was finished pouring the pellets in Syd...I mean in the bunny's food dish and then lunged at m..my friend and bit him on the pinky.

Lets say that happened to me, I mean to my friend, and what if hypothetically speaking, my friend absolutely lost it, tied the bunny to the inside of his cage, and is now feeding him with a slingshot. I know, its crazy, but hey you never know right? I was just wondering, would I...my friend be prosecuted? What if the bunny was posessed by the undead spirit of my..my friend's ex-girlfriend? Would that knock a few years off the sentence you think?

Don't get alarmed now, this was just a hypothetical situation, any advice would be good so I could use it during my, I mean advise my friend during his trial.

Thanks for your help.

The Bun Life - Life's a Fwan, and Then You Die!

I recently read somewhere that you can tell how much a blog owner cares about his readers by looking at how often he updates. Hmm. Okay, now that we got that out of the way. Anyway, things have been tough, I have been so busy I haven't had even a minute to writ......oh whatever, I am lazy and really couldn't be bothered to get off my ass and write about these furry bunny rabbits, okay?!!! Wabbits are NOT that exciting, people, what do you expect from me?? I mean do you really need a day by day account of what Baby Fwan does? Okay, for those of you who are SO curious about Fwan's schedule, here is a list of Tweets for Baby Fwan's last week:

Monday: Got up, avoided dumbbell's face humps, crawled under couch and slept the rest of the day.

Tuesday: Got up, ate half a couch cushion, used the toilet, crawled under the couch.

Wednesday: Got up........

Okay, well you get the point here. Frannie ain't no Tweeting Twoublemaker like the rest of you Tweeple. All this hype about Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In is driving me and the bunnies nuts. I saw a company website the other day, the company makes metal bearings and washers for some industrial machinery. Under neath their "About Our Company" link (which I am willing to bet my spleen has never been clicked) they had their Twitter and Facebook links. "Check us out on Facebook!"

Okay, am I the only one who is noticing this? Facebook updates?? For a bearings company? What on earth could they possibly say on there that would mean a rat's ass to anyone on this side of the universe?? Twitter updates?? What would they be?

"Hey I just took a dump, now I am gonna go polish my bearings"

or

"Hey guys, this is the most boring job on earth, gonna go guzzle the rest of the Drano in the bathroom, say hi to my BFF for me!"

or

"Hey, great news guys! Those new washers just came in! I had to tell you on Twitter here, I just couldn't keep something of this magnitude a secret the whole day! OMG! My BFF just FBI'd the CIA and now she has the KGB on her ROFLMAO!"

Note to companies that are in the business of doing something BORING, you are NOT allowed to have a Facebook or Twitter page, it is a new law. We are gonna call it "Frannie's Law", any donations will go directly to the Frannie Feathers Research Foundation, a great organization that is conducting cutting edge research to find the cause of Frannie's 24-hour cowlick. Such a noble cause, brings tears to my eyes, oh wait, no, that is just my allergies.

Times have been hard on me and the Babbits (slang for Bunny Rabbits) lately. Poor Frannie, she was laid off last week from her first job as a "Bunny Sitter." I think it might have been my fault. You see this lady said she was going out of town and asked me if we could bunny sit for her. Sure!, Why not, Fran has never had a real job before, she just collects disability checks (section 209 says that Fran was too ugly to have a job) from the government.

So I went to the lady's house and dropped Frannie off, told her to watch the bunnies, that she was now in charge of them, and as a bunny sitter she was ultimately responsible for the bunnies. I only later realized that the lady wanted ME to be the bunny sitter, not Frannie. Well, long story short, I was sued in court for $20,000 worth of furniture damage.

So Frannie's not only out of a job, but now she was turned down for unemployment benefits. We filled out all the paperwork, followed all the rules, and submitted her application. I got the notice in the mail the other day, we thought it would be her unemployment check, but it was a note from the social worker down there. It was very brief and just simply said:

"Application for unemployment benefits denied, rabbits don't get unemployment you fu***ng jerk!"

I took it pretty hard, we are gonna have a moment of silence, under the couch, in Frannie's honor.

You Know The Job Market Sucks When....

I've been surfing Craig's List for months now looking for some additional part-time work in either writing, copywriting, Oracle work, or SEO consulting. I am simply amazed at some of the things I see on there, and NO I am not talking about the Craig's List killer. I am speaking of the mindless tadpoles that put up job ads such as this:

---------------------------------
Looking For Writer for 10 Research Intensive Articles Per Week

I am looking for an experienced writer, with a large portfolio of publications written for, to write 10 articles for my blog every week. They will all be on different topics, about 600 words each, and should be loaded with researched info. A good writer can bang these out in a day or two of full-time writing.

Compensation: No pay, but what I can offer you is exposure on my blog, and possibly a link back to a site of your choosing (non-commercial)
----------------------------------

Incredibly, this ad is not unique at all, there are many ones like it in all kinds of occupations.

Okay, well, are you ready to read the email I wrote him in response?

Warning: Adult language ahead, bunnies under 13 must be accompanied by a human slave to continue.

-------------------------------------

Dear Scrotum Fungus,

I first want to let you know that I practice Voodoo, and once even turned my penis inside out like they do in the Amazon tribes. So I am no joke when it comes to spells and brews of the more devious nature. I even once casted a spell that made Harry Potter heterosexual for a whole week. What does this all mean to a generous man like you? Well, I made a doll in your image, a Voodoo doll. Sort of like how God made Jesus in his image, the only difference being that Jesus wasn't a douchebag. At the conclusion of this email, I shall commence pricking the prickly Voodoo doll with my favorite prickly sewing needles, and maybe even my rolling pin, in an effort to disable your ability to post anymore job ads on Craig's List.

Oh wait, for it to even be called a job it must offer a monetary compensation. I guess you won't be posting in that category anymore. Aside from basically giving you free quality written articles, is there anything else that the lucky writer you hire needs to provide you with? I mean, seriously, I can even give you a kidney if you need it. I am in the giving mood, your generosity has made me feel all Christmasy, in September no less. If you shall find yourself in further need, by all means let me know, I would be willing to dig up my Great Great Grandmother so I can snag her 3 gold teeth that she was buried with.

Seriously though, I could go box Mcnuggets and wrap cheeseburgers at McDonald's, and I would be making 8 dollars per hour more than if I was "hired" by you for your shitty blog. Plus, I get to McStuff my fat McFace with all the free McFood I can eat. Do you at least offer that? Can you possibly mail me a few White Castle burgers when I conclude my "assignments" for the week? I guess I would have to pay the shipping on that though.

The "great exposure" promise you offer the prospective slave is as hollow as your head. I did the metrics for your blog, and it totally blows. I could get more exposure by posting my writing under a rock on Mars, than I could get by donating my writing to your bullshit site.

Get this point clearly: People don't work for free, regardless of what Barney The Purple Dinosaur told you. We have a barter system in the U.S. called "currency," where a skilled person can perform work for a company or individual, and then receive "currency" for it. (Also known as 'Money') Then the country can build what is called an "economy."

I hope you actually do get someone to donate their free time for your site, only I hope that someone is an escaped mental patient from Bellvue that develops a "crush" on you, if you catch my drift.

Craig's List has many spam filters, but it is obvious that their retard filter needs to be calibrated just a hair. Take care. Oh, did I already mention that your blog blows? Okay, just making sure. Thanks. Send everyone my love.
-------------------------------------------

Well, after I wrote this to him, all three of his listings have been "removed by author." Surprise, surprise. Good riddance.

The Bun Life - Official Injunction! Oh No! Fwan's Gone!

I came home from work and found this crazy notice from this ridiculous organization. They took my Fwan!!! Wahhh!!













The Bun Life - T.R.T.T.T.

I was looking at my big fat white fluffy Tumpie Rabbits tonight, and I often laugh when I am by myself, come to think of it, I am always by myself. Sniff, sniff, I have no fwiends, waahhh. Okay, back to the blog. Anyway, when I attempt to top off T & BF's litterbox with fresh hay, Thumper is such a hog that he simply can't wait for me to finish filling the box, he has to jump in AS I am filling it. So I developed a technique I call the T.R.T.T.T., which stands for the Tumpie Rabbits Tummy Tickling Technique. I know I know, it sounds stupid, but it works. I simply take my right hand and supinate (huh?) my wrist and with my 3 fingers I reach under Tumpie's big fat tummy, and tickle his belly in a "come hither" motion. After about 5 seconds, he simply cannot stand it any longer and he jumps out of the box. It is too funny, because he tries to tolerate as long as he can, you see him struggling to fight off the urge to run away. I laugh my ass off when I am doing it also, which doesn't help poor Tumps.

Tonight after doing this, I remembered a time when I was a lot older,that I lived with my parents, and we had Thumps and Baby Fwan in the living room. Well one night I was cleaning the litterbox, I put some hay in it and ran out of hay, went to get some more outside so I laid the litterbox up on the couch until I came back. Well, when I walked back in the house, guess who was in the litterbox on the couch?? Yup, Tumps and Baby Fwan. I was laughing so hard I nearly peed my diaper! They just sat there, in the litter box, which was on the couch, eating the hay that was in there. Of course I didn't have a camera handy, but man that would have been a funny video.

What's the moral of the story? DOn't wear diapers when changing the bunny's litterbox! What else?? :)

The Bun Life - $1000 Giveaway!!!

Yeah right, not a chance! How about a thousand fruit flies?? I can FedEx them to you if you want! Anyway, what are your bunnies like? For some reason I think my bunnies are defective. It is like a morgue or a nursing home in here for Pete's sake. The bunnies just veg out all day and night sleeping, rolling over, sleeping some more, eat some hay, sleep, carrots, back to sleeping. I watch tons of YouTube videos of people and their bunnies doing cartwheels, backflips, side kicks, house work, furniture moving, and more cool stuff. Then I look over at my bunnies, and I'm lucky if they so much as jiggle an eyebrow at me!!


Then I have to deal with the exact polar opposite when going into my office, Sydney NEVER sleeps, he "trains" all day. Naturally, your next question would be, "Trains for what?" That would be the big fight. What fight? The one he is gonna have with me the next time I go into the lion's den to change his water and hay. This bunny is the Anti-Christ, you have no clue. He doesn't sleep, he stays up all night drinking coffee and popping No-Doze. He sits on, or under, my bed, I mean HIS bed, and sharpens his claws with the ankle bones of past victims. He growls, no not grunts, growls. It sounds like 40 midgets with an upper respiratory infection, a foul growl from the depths of bunny hell. I swear, I feel like I am in a domestic violence situation over here. I can see it now, me going to meetings to get support for my bunny beating me. The group would tell me that, "If he has done it once, he will do it again" and then I will counter with , "Well, I do instigate most of the fights by going to change his water, he really loves me and he bought me flowers last time. He said he won't saw off my ankle again" Then everyone will help me get the kids (Thumps and Fwan) to a safe house while I deal with El Syd.

I never met a bunny that was willing to sacrifice his whole body to use a furry battering ram. What the hell is wrong with him? What a lunatic. I got the golden girls who sleep all day and then the psychotic nutcase who NEVER sleeps. I swear, he doesn't even have eye lids, he don't need them!! His breed of psychotic dwarfs have evolved so much that the eye lids were not needed, due to the fact he stays up FOREVER!! No matter what time, day or night, he is waiting for me by the gate, waiting for me to enter to change his water and hay and food, so he can surgically remove a chunk of my Achilles heel. Then you pick him up and he is a doll, what gives??

Thumps and Fwan, in between sleeping shifts, sit at the gate and watch as he shreds my feet to powder. They stand around like neighbors watching the SWAT team raid a nearby crack house. I can hear Baby Fwan now, "Oh my, look at that! Jim lost another toe, Think that he will still be able to pick me up without that toe?" then Thumps will roll his eyes, "Oh would you stop with the picking me up crap already?? Who Cares!!!"

EVIL BUNNIES!!!!

The Bun Life - Madlibs Update

Okay, here is the first madlib I wrote, I will post the blank copy so you can see what I am replacing, then I will write out whatever ones of people who commented, this is my first one so give me a break, it could be funnier but whatever, this ain't no cotton picking job now is it??

Since I am a database guy, I just had to get geeky and I created an Access database with all the entries and then created a Mail Merge doc in Word, then just told Word to spit out new copies of the doc with each person's entries, pretty cool huh?


Here is the madlib:

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and his name was --(1)-- . "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my --(2)-- in the cage to say hello, and --(1)-- freaked out, got scared and did a --(3)-- right there in front of us! Poor bunny, --(1)-- was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one --(4)--. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, --(1)-- still had his/her --(5)--. We decided to keep him/her, and we took him/her home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny --(6)-- but she was outvoted, we kept the name --(1)--.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with --(8)-- after he was bitten by a --(7)-- in the Amazon, poor guy. --(1)-- would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with --(1)-- in it, we walked in and saw --(1)-- running around the perimieter of the room at a speed of roughly --(9)-- miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his --(2)-- off and then stole his --(15)-- from the laundry basket. He has a --(10)-- in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and --(13)--. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with --(1)-- and picked him up, he was about to hit the bunny with a --(11)-- until I intervened and --(12)-- Uncle Books right in the --(2)--.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully --(1)-- is and is loving every minute of his new home. He/she is actually famous now and has been featured on the show --(14)-- with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!



Okay here are the different madlibs filled in:

Foux du Faf‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Caleb. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my elbow in the cage to say hello, and Caleb freaked out, got scared and did a triple axel right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Caleb was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one ears. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Caleb still had its tail. We decided to keep Caleb, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Fuzzy Wuzzy but she was outvoted, we kept the name Caleb.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with sleeping sickness after he was bitten by a palmetto bug in the Amazon, poor guy. Caleb would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Caleb in it, we walked in and saw Caleb running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 59 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his elbow off and then stole his panties from the laundry basket. He had a time machine in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and drinking too much diet coke. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Caleb and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a chop until I intervened and jumped Uncle Books right in the head.
Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Caleb is and is loving every minute of the new home. Caleb is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Arthur with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Cathe‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Howard Carter. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my earlobe in the cage to say hello, and Howard Carter freaked out, got scared and did a figure eight right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Howard Carter was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one eyes. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Howard Carter still had its tongue. We decided to keep Howard Carter, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Jack but she was outvoted, we kept the name Howard Carter.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with chagas disease after he was bitten by a Triatoma Dimidiatas (Honduras bloodsucking insect) aka Kissing Bug in the Amazon, poor guy. Howard Carter would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Howard Carter in it, we walked in and saw Howard Carter running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 670616628.6 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his earlobe off and then stole his socks from the laundry basket. He had a tricorder in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and biting my nails. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Howard Carter and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a kick until I intervened and exonerated Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Howard Carter is and is loving every minute of the new home. Howard Carter is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dog Whisperer with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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d. moll, l.ac.‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was saturn. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my achilles tendon in the cage to say hello, and saturn freaked out, got scared and did a spin right there in front of us! Poor bunny, saturn was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one nostrils. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, saturn still had its brain. We decided to keep saturn, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Peter but she was outvoted, we kept the name saturn.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with tourettes after he was bitten by a soldier ant in the Amazon, poor guy. saturn would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with saturn in it, we walked in and saw saturn running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 768 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his achilles tendon off and then stole his towels from the laundry basket. He had a magic wand in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and slurping soup. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with saturn and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a round house kick until I intervened and giggled Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully saturn is and is loving every minute of the new home. saturn is actually famous now and has been featured on the show All Cratures Great and Small with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

----------------------

Clovie Boy‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Chew Chew. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my big toe in the cage to say hello, and Chew Chew freaked out, got scared and did a triple lutz right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Chew Chew was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one upper front teeth. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Chew Chew still had its tail. We decided to keep Chew Chew, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny bugs but she was outvoted, we kept the name Chew Chew.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with Leprechaunism after he was bitten by a Whirligig Beetle in the Amazon, poor guy. Chew Chew would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Chew Chew in it, we walked in and saw Chew Chew running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 3 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his big toe off and then stole his work shirt from the laundry basket. He had a automatic bathroom cleaner in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and spider solitaire. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Chew Chew and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a block until I intervened and raved Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Chew Chew is and is loving every minute of the new home. Chew Chew is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Animal Rescue with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

--------------------------------

Laura‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Boss. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my cheek in the cage to say hello, and Boss freaked out, got scared and did a quad right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Boss was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one chins. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Boss still had its rear end. We decided to keep Boss, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Peter but she was outvoted, we kept the name Boss.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with fungus after he was bitten by a Rhinoceros Beetle in the Amazon, poor guy. Boss would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Boss in it, we walked in and saw Boss running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 85 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his cheek off and then stole his jeans from the laundry basket. He had a self-cleaning house in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and indulging in chocolate. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Boss and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a kick until I intervened and rocketed Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Boss is and is loving every minute of the new home. Boss is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dr. Who with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

---------------------------

Jim‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Booby Rumpus. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my jawbone in the cage to say hello, and Booby Rumpus freaked out, got scared and did a quadruple ass grab right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Booby Rumpus was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one legs. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Booby Rumpus still had its rumpus. We decided to keep Booby Rumpus, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny His Royal Humpness but she was outvoted, we kept the name Booby Rumpus.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with Ebola Virus after he was bitten by a Hissing Cockroach in the Amazon, poor guy. Booby Rumpus would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Booby Rumpus in it, we walked in and saw Booby Rumpus running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 4 zillion miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his jawbone off and then stole his smelly socks from the laundry basket. He had a hand held lightning rod in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and picking up Baby Fwan. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Booby Rumpus and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a crane kick until I intervened and smashed Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Booby Rumpus is and is loving every minute of the new home. Booby Rumpus is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dr. Phil with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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That's it so far, pretty funny for the first one. I will try to do this again soon if you guys like it. If not, then TOUGH!!!

The Bun Life - Bunny Madlibs are Funny Madlibs

I want all of you to contribute on this one. In case you don't know what a madlib is, it is basically a funny fill-in-the-blank story where you fill in the blanks before you actually read the story. You are asked to provide a list of 10 kinds of things. Then you fill in the story with the corresponding items and read it, usually they are funny. I loved these when I was older, as I've gotten younger I find myself wanting to do them more (uh..what?)

As you might have guessed, the madlibs are going to be bunny related, who'd a thunk it right? Baby Fwan wanted to make it about Polish Yahtzee, but I just didn't see too much of an audience for that.

So here is the deal. I will give you all a list of items you need to pick, and you comment with your results. When enough are in, I will then post the madlib and fill it in with everyone's answers. I think it should be pretty funny, especially with me writing the madlib, being the unreal comical god that I am. Okay, enough B.S. (that stands for Bachelor of Science), here is the list I need. be sure to number them when providing your answers.

  1. Name you would name your bunny if you had to change its name.
  2. Human body part
  3. Figure skating trick
  4. Part of a bunny they have two of
  5. Part of a bunny they have one of
  6. Bunny name you aren't fond of
  7. Weird Tropical bug
  8. Some crazy rare virus or disease
  9. speed (in miles per hour)
  10. Futuristic gadget noone has invented yet
  11. karate move
  12. Verb that ends in "ed" such as chopped, climbed, etc.
  13. A bad habit of yours
  14. TV show with animals in it
  15. Item of laundry

That's it! Give me those 15 things and number them in your comment, when we have a good amount I will post the madlib story. I am sure you will get a great laugh of it. If you don't, I am sure I won't care very much either LOL!!!

The Bun Life - Update on the Fly Situation

I found out the source of my fly problem. It turns out it was the big mound of horse shit in the middle of the living room that was causing all this. Who knew? I racked my brain thinking of everything it could possibly be, fruit, Fwan's big fat smelly rumpus, my breath, but none of that checked out. Then I just happened to glance over at the 4 foot high steaming pile of horse shit, and a light bulb went off in my head, ding!!

Well, been shoveling all day, and all is well and...oh enough already...it was definitely fruit flies, like I suspected. My dad asked me to post on here because he said it made it sound like I was a slob with flies all over my place, no worries Dad, I am sure everyone still thinks I am a slob anyway. LOL. I think there is only like one fly left and he is holding on for dear life, hiding out in all the right places. I will get him, or the paper will get him, soon enough.

Baby Fwan doesn't smell either by the way, she is actually spotless, just like the other 2 bunnies. The carpet and free ranging help that. Sorry Baby Fwan, didn't mean to insult your rumpus, your pretty, fat, pumpernickel rumpus.

The Bun Life - These Damn Flies are Driving Me Insane!!

I have flies in my apartment, I don't know where they are coming from, I had some fruit pulp left out for a few days but since cleaned it up, but there are still like 9000 flies in my apartment. I went out last night and bought TAT fly paper rolls. My apartment looks like an insect lab for Fran's sake. One of the rolls has like 20 flies on it, eewwwwww!! I am real squeamish about bugs and critters and things. I HATE bugs, you could tell me I had to fight Mike Tyson in a bare knuckle cage match or I could get out of it by just letting a spider sit in my hand, and I would be going toe to toe with Tyson, trust me.

I searched the apartment, blocked the drains, the windows are closed, so if they are still getting in then it must be through the air conditioners. Hopefully the fly paper gets them all and that will be that. I unrolled one of the fly paper rolls and put in under the couch just for fun, and when I pulled it out an hour later I found two fat wabbits stuck to it!! Go figure!

Anyway, in bunny news, Little Nutjob Sydney has taken over half of the room completely now. I no longer have a bed, it is just a real big loveseat for him. Changing his water or litterbox is an exercise in self-destruction. He is like the movie Paranormal Activity, you never actually see him, you just have the ankle wounds to let you know he was really there. The other night I was so busy running away from him that I accidentally left his cage closed up, with the litterbox and everything inside, oops. I came back in like 2 hours later, he is standing by the cage door doing the pee-pee dance, "ooohhh hurry hurry hurry, I can't hold it anymore" At first I felt guilty, but after remembering all the Kamikaze ankle attacks, I chuckled in sweet revenge, payback is a bitch, ain't it little squibbles??. Ha! Poor thing, he ran right into the box and peed, all the while chewing on a piece of hay giving me the dirtiest angriest look a cute little rabbit could ever manage.

The Bun Life - Wabbits!!!

I wanted to vacuum my apartment yesterday. Sounds simple right? Ask any non-bunny person what they have to do to vacuum their apartment, they will just say, "Get out the vac, and go!" Yup, but not us, at least not me, not when you're life is controlled by a Pumpernickel Princess and her Evil White Knight. Anyway, they were under the couch when I got out the vac (huge shocker there), so I thought maybe I could just run the vac for a little bit before they came out. You see, Thumper is a certified electrician of the highest order, he likes to "fix" the vacuum wire (remember this?).

I had to vacuum no matter what, there was 12 inches of white and pumpernickel hair lining the entire apartment. If I was a weaver I would never have to leave the house for supplies, I could sell my own pumpernickel clothing line on Ebay. I could see it now, Pumpernickel Painter's Jeans by Baby Fwan of NY. Anyway, I start the vacuum up, and before i could even lift my foot to start vacuuming, the two fat wabbits came charging out from under the couch. Of course they run right to the vacuum, of which I have wound up the wire to by now. They chin the vacuum for 20 minutes, just in case any local intruding bunnies decide they want to claim the vacuum as their own, Thumper goes around back to make sure all the wiring is "fixed" but is quickly disappointed. Then they lay right in the middle of the room. Okay, uh uh, not happening. I am vacuuming, and this big fat Tumpie rabbits and Pumpernickel loaf are going to hang out in there cage while i do it.

I now have to somehow get these two into their crate, which is an extra large puppy pen, so it is not like a bunny burrito or anything. Thumper is the easy one, he has rocks in his head and can basically be convinced of anything at any time. I take a piece of carrot and lead him in there, he walks right in and I close the jail cell on him. If looks could kill I would be dead, he looked at me as if I was abandoning my only son in a foreign jail. "Come on! It's only for a minute Thumps!" Then he lived up to his name, a whole array of different thumps echoed throughout the apartment. I try to calm his thumping but he is pissed, oh well, tough rumpus. Then I had to get Baby Fwan into there too, this is a whole other matter, Baby Fwan is an ex-running back for the San Francisco Forty-Bunners, and she has not lost her moves I tell you. I finally, after 20 minutes, trap her and pick her up into my arms. I love holding my Baby Fwan, if only for 27 seconds. I put her in the cage with dopey, and close the door, then set off to vacuum. All is good right? I mean they are bonded tightly, right? I mean, it's not like there will be any problems, right? I wish.

I forgot to tell you what else Thumper is, a TOTAL bully. He pushes everyone around like he is the big fat kid on the playground. He even pushes me around! He stole my lunch money last Friday, I am really embarrassed about that, but that is another issue. When I go to feed them every morning, Thumper charges her while I am getting the food ready, he doesn't want her to have ANY, especially carrots. Anyway, in the cage I hear some ruckus, I see Thumper face humping poor Frannie. You know, I don't care what species you are, even human, face humping is an extremely intimate act that should be excised sparingly. Thumps doesn't get that part, that is his "handshake" with other bunnies, especially FEMALE bunnies. It's almost like he is this big fat pimp with a white mink coat on walking down 42nd street. Then he sees one of his ho's, I mean doe's, and "where my money (carrots)??" Then once she doesn't hand it over, on with the face humping. Not right Thumpus rumpus, not right.

So poor Fran starts running around the cage, in circles, to get away from the crazed Pimp Thumpus, and they start doing the circling thing, which all of us bunny people know is a prelude to biting and fur stripping, some people call it barbering but one time I saw Sydney snipping Frannie's bangs with a barber's scissor, so I kind of have a new meaning for the word barbering around here. BF and TR are going about 900 mph in circles, I almost was gonna put a little box of chocolate milk in the middle and see if the fat separates from the water like in the high-school biology centrifuge experiment, that's how fast they were going. So again I had to stop the vac, and release Frannie from the cage. I kept the pimp in the cage to cool his jets, and poor Fran ran under the couch, which really shocked me since she hardly ever goes under there.

Then I vacuumed, Frannie popped out a few times to make her position known to the vacuum. I couldn't help myself, I came towards her with the vacuum a few times :) She did her popcorn binkies to pop away from me, then went right back under the couch. What a day.

The Bun Life - Rosetta Bun, and other Goings On

Been about a week since I last posted, sorry, I have been real busy doing absolutely nothing. Actually, I have been busy really, I have been power juicing, after a good friend of mine recommended it, and I have really noticed the differences. I see the guy Jack Lalanne (spelling?) on TV juicing everything but the kitchen sink, and he is like 275 years old last time I checked, got me convinced. Anyway, it comes with a book of all kinds of different juice recipes, it lists the fruits and veggies you need to put in.

Strange thing happened the other day though, I went to grab the book and it was GONE, I couldn't find it anywhere. Then a day later the book suddenly reappeared back on the counter. It had a bite mark, of two buck teeth, on the top right corner, and it appears a page had been added. It was real obvious that it was added recently, it was all taped in. Anyway it had a new recipe in it, the drink was called, "Pumpernickel Passion" and the ingredients were as follows:

6 barrels of fresh carrots (the kind Bambi eats)
2 Bananas
6 more barrels of carrots
A few more carrots
Oh, did I mention carrots??
3 "sprigs" of couch stuffing


Gee, my first thought, obviously, was, "What the hell is a sprig?" Anyway, I have no idea who could have put this recipe in there, do you?? Pumpernickel Passion, jesus Baby Fwan, could you make it anymore obvious? Anyway. I am not making that stupid drink anyway. I have something more incredible (and just as meaningless) to tell you.

Ever see that commercial on TV for Rosetta Stone? Software that teaches you any language you want to learn from home? Well, I found out that Baby Fwan has learned Spanish in her spare time! I know, like you, the first thing I thought was, "How do you say Pumpernickel in Spanish?" I really don't know. Maybe, El Pumpernickel, or Los Pumpernickelos, or La Pumpernickela? Anyway, so Baby Fwan speaks Spanish now. I am jealous because now she is the only one that can communicate with the landscapers now. She is probably telling them to stuff her in a leaf bucket on the down low.

Well, the good thing is that Frannie knows how to tell me, in Spanish, that she is going to the Library, that the teacher is very nice, the car is very big, and her perm was $200.00. That info might save her life one day.

Now that we are on the topic of the military (we are?), I saw a show on TV called War Dogs, not the same one as before, but one from World War II. They talk about how the dogs had helped weed out the Japanese dug into the island tunnels and stuff, very brave stuff. I wonder how bunnies would have fit into that whole "service for the country" thing? I can see Baby Fwan, the night before being shipped out to Okinawa, asking everyone else "Do Japanese people like to pick up bunnies?" She won't care about the tanks and bullets, or even the War Dogs, just wants to know if anyone is gonna pick her up.

Bunnies, what would we do without them?
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