The Bun Life - Wabbits!!!

I wanted to vacuum my apartment yesterday. Sounds simple right? Ask any non-bunny person what they have to do to vacuum their apartment, they will just say, "Get out the vac, and go!" Yup, but not us, at least not me, not when you're life is controlled by a Pumpernickel Princess and her Evil White Knight. Anyway, they were under the couch when I got out the vac (huge shocker there), so I thought maybe I could just run the vac for a little bit before they came out. You see, Thumper is a certified electrician of the highest order, he likes to "fix" the vacuum wire (remember this?).

I had to vacuum no matter what, there was 12 inches of white and pumpernickel hair lining the entire apartment. If I was a weaver I would never have to leave the house for supplies, I could sell my own pumpernickel clothing line on Ebay. I could see it now, Pumpernickel Painter's Jeans by Baby Fwan of NY. Anyway, I start the vacuum up, and before i could even lift my foot to start vacuuming, the two fat wabbits came charging out from under the couch. Of course they run right to the vacuum, of which I have wound up the wire to by now. They chin the vacuum for 20 minutes, just in case any local intruding bunnies decide they want to claim the vacuum as their own, Thumper goes around back to make sure all the wiring is "fixed" but is quickly disappointed. Then they lay right in the middle of the room. Okay, uh uh, not happening. I am vacuuming, and this big fat Tumpie rabbits and Pumpernickel loaf are going to hang out in there cage while i do it.

I now have to somehow get these two into their crate, which is an extra large puppy pen, so it is not like a bunny burrito or anything. Thumper is the easy one, he has rocks in his head and can basically be convinced of anything at any time. I take a piece of carrot and lead him in there, he walks right in and I close the jail cell on him. If looks could kill I would be dead, he looked at me as if I was abandoning my only son in a foreign jail. "Come on! It's only for a minute Thumps!" Then he lived up to his name, a whole array of different thumps echoed throughout the apartment. I try to calm his thumping but he is pissed, oh well, tough rumpus. Then I had to get Baby Fwan into there too, this is a whole other matter, Baby Fwan is an ex-running back for the San Francisco Forty-Bunners, and she has not lost her moves I tell you. I finally, after 20 minutes, trap her and pick her up into my arms. I love holding my Baby Fwan, if only for 27 seconds. I put her in the cage with dopey, and close the door, then set off to vacuum. All is good right? I mean they are bonded tightly, right? I mean, it's not like there will be any problems, right? I wish.

I forgot to tell you what else Thumper is, a TOTAL bully. He pushes everyone around like he is the big fat kid on the playground. He even pushes me around! He stole my lunch money last Friday, I am really embarrassed about that, but that is another issue. When I go to feed them every morning, Thumper charges her while I am getting the food ready, he doesn't want her to have ANY, especially carrots. Anyway, in the cage I hear some ruckus, I see Thumper face humping poor Frannie. You know, I don't care what species you are, even human, face humping is an extremely intimate act that should be excised sparingly. Thumps doesn't get that part, that is his "handshake" with other bunnies, especially FEMALE bunnies. It's almost like he is this big fat pimp with a white mink coat on walking down 42nd street. Then he sees one of his ho's, I mean doe's, and "where my money (carrots)??" Then once she doesn't hand it over, on with the face humping. Not right Thumpus rumpus, not right.

So poor Fran starts running around the cage, in circles, to get away from the crazed Pimp Thumpus, and they start doing the circling thing, which all of us bunny people know is a prelude to biting and fur stripping, some people call it barbering but one time I saw Sydney snipping Frannie's bangs with a barber's scissor, so I kind of have a new meaning for the word barbering around here. BF and TR are going about 900 mph in circles, I almost was gonna put a little box of chocolate milk in the middle and see if the fat separates from the water like in the high-school biology centrifuge experiment, that's how fast they were going. So again I had to stop the vac, and release Frannie from the cage. I kept the pimp in the cage to cool his jets, and poor Fran ran under the couch, which really shocked me since she hardly ever goes under there.

Then I vacuumed, Frannie popped out a few times to make her position known to the vacuum. I couldn't help myself, I came towards her with the vacuum a few times :) She did her popcorn binkies to pop away from me, then went right back under the couch. What a day.