The Bun Life - Fwan: A Linguistics Perspective

Believe it or not (probably not), the word Fwan has many, many meanings. It can also be used in many, many ways. I thought I would educate you on this so very vital topic, and explore all the ins and outs of the word Fwan.

Just a little history lesson, the word Fwan is originally derived from the Latin expression Couchus Rippus Stuffus Inhalus, meaning "Baaad Bunny Wabbit" You can also use it to classify a bunny rabbit as being a member of a stereotypical class of bad bunny rabbits in general by saying, "You're a bad Fwan!!" Or you could use it as an expletive when yelling at your bunnies in anger, for example, by saying something like, "Get the fwan out of my face!"

It can also be used as a unit of currency when trading amongst the townspeople, "Okay, give me a pack of gum and a coke please." "Okay, the total comes to 4 fwans and eighty cents." It can be used to classify an imjury, "I have a hairline fwan in my left arm!" It can be used to describe the passing of unpleasant gas, "This fat guy on the elevator let out the most disgusting fwan I have ever smelled!" It can also be used as a non-offending way to state the use of the rest room , "Be right back, I gotta take a fwan!"

It can also be used as a substitute word in favorite children's limericks, for instance, using it instead of the word "wood" in this famous rhyme, "How much fwan could a fwanchuck fwan if a fwanchuck could chuck fwan?" Okay, that was really stupid I know, but these are the kinds of things I say when around Baby Fwan. I can't help it, she brings out the complete foolish childish moron in me.

The Bun Life - Oh No! Fwan's In Trouble Again!

I was in the post office this morning, and I look up for a second and I see this poster, and Frannie was on the poster! Obviously, what she did to my couch was a felony, and now she skipped bail. I hope I don't have those Dog, the Bounty Hunter fags bashing down my door now, looking for Baby Fwan.

What the hell is going on with that bunny? I don't need all this drama, I have cable for god's sake. The other 3 bunnies are very upset, it took 4 or 5 carrots just to settle Thumper down about all this. He can't believe what Frannie is doing to my upholstery, or what used to be my upholstery. Wonder when she'll stop running from her problems.

The Bun Life - New Issue of "Playbun" Hits The Streets Today! Baby Fwan On Cover!

Fwan has gone and done it now, unreal. What am I gonna do with a famous bunny? I'll tell you what, nothing. She already has an arrogant attitude walking around the house now, like she is a star and I am a piece of junk. Well, actually, it has always been that way. Anyway, I scanned a copy of the mag for you guys, here it is:

What am I gonna do about her? Unreal Fwannie, unreal.

The Bun Life - Baby Fwan Has Done it This Time!! (With Photo Evidence)

Okay, I leave for a few hours the other night, and on the way out I keep thinking about the bunny gossip going around around Thumper and Frannie. The word on the street (huh?) is that Thumper is the one actually chewing up my couch when I am gone, that he is just framing Baby Fwan to take the hit for his criminal clawing of my chewed up couch. Do I really believe that? Not a chance. I have caught Frannie on the couch grooming the armrest, burrowing into the corner, all kinds of weird shit. Not for a SECOND do I think Frannie is innocent.

Well, I come home the other night, and I was horrified by what my eyes were telling me. I kept a camera handy and ready to go in case I ever got a chance to take evidence photos (for the prosecution). Well, here it is, truth unfolded, undeniable proof that Frannie is a couch criminal:

Frannie is an evil bun, and I will see to it that prosecutors will be violated! Wait, I mean viacutors will be prosellated, oh whatever, you know what I mean!. Vote NO for Baby Fwan!

Franny's Vacation Photos

I can't believe it, I guess Franny gets around more than I ever knew. Turns out the whole time I think she is under the couch, she is really traveling the world without me, or even Thumper. I found a whole stash of Franny's world travels and vacation photos. I will be scanning them and uploading them as I go. Here are two of them:

Here is one of Franny on the street in London:

Amazing that she didn't get hit by a car!

And here is one that really shocked me when I saw it:

I can't believe he got that close to Frannie without her running away! Wait a minute, now that I think of it, how the hell did Frannie get so close to him??  So much for the secret service!

I will be scanning more as I go, she has a whole box of them here.

The Bun Life - What Has This Fran, I Mean World, Come To?

Poor Baby Fwan. I can only imagine how far down I am on Frannie's Christmas card list, even at this time of year. Me and Baby Fwan just don't see eye to eye, for real actually, bunnies have side mounted eyes and we have front mounted eyes, so eye to eye is damn near impossible!

Just how aloof is my Baby Fwan to me? Well, to give you an idea, I sit on the couch watching TV. Frannie will sit in the middle carpet between 2 escape routes: one goes directly into the puppy cage (where I can't get her), and the other goes right into the cardboard "Heartbreak Hotel" where I also can't get to her. She lies down with her legs stretched out behind her, cowlick and all, and just stares at me for hours on end.

Well, you might say that is so cute, she loves you! Nope, sorry. Frannie has a more sinister purpose for staring at me all night: conducting surveillance. If I so much as think about getting up off the couch, she immediately goes into "Holy Shit, He's Coming!" mode, and then jettisons her fluffy big butt into the puppy pen to escape the hellish nightmare of being picked up, petted, given a carrot, and have silly songs sung to her by her deranged owner! Oh the humanity!!

I can sometimes get to her when she nods off on watch and I get the element of surprise. Then she just sucks it up and goes into "survival" mode, where a bunny zones out and digs deep to get through a terribly traumatic situation, like being loved. I can then hug her for about 27 seconds, if I push the fact, then there are consequences. At 30 seconds, Fran starts to jostle, wiggle, squirm, and buck. Once we pass the 40 second mark, she starts using her Edward Scissorhands claws on me, if all else fails, then Fran will pee on me (I swear, she did it to me!). How dare Frannie be so dramatic!

So other than that, Me and Frannie are very close, as long as I don't come within 400 feet of her, things are fine :))