I figured I would come clean with all 2 of you and tell you about an experience I had with Baby Fwan a few years ago. After she chewed up my couch the first time, I decided to send her away to a house rabbit wilderness treatment camp. In case you don't know what these are, here is an example of one of them that treats troubled teens. The one I sent Baby Fwan away to was called Aloof Bun Bun Treatment Camp. Yeah I know, pretty stupid name but what the hell right?
Anyway, the day came that she was to report to the camp, Frannie was not excited about going, obviously. It took me 3 hours to stuff her into the carrier. We talked about how the place would benefit her and that it was for her own good, but Fwan doesn't speak English so the conversation was pretty one-sided. I dropped her off at the camp, after only 3 days there was a knock at my door and sitting there, right outside my door, was a DHL package. I opened it up and it was Baby Fwan! There was a letter from the camp in the box also, it read:
"Dear Jim, inside this box is Fwannie, Fran, or whatever the hell stupid name you call her. You will also find a check for the full refund amount (less shipping). Fran doesn't fit our requirements here at the camp, she is absolutely the biggest pain in the rumpus we have ever met. First off, we put her on a strict diet because she was too fat, and on the second night of her stay we found 27 "Couchocolate" bars in her suitcase. It is a candy bar which is basically couch stuffing coated with chocolate. Where did she ever get such a ridiculous habit from? Anyway, we try to do group activities with all the buns, but Fran zips right under the nearest piece of furniture and won't come out for NOTHING! We try to lure her out with the candy bars but she was having none of it. Not only that, but the first night she slept here she lost one of her "detachable" ears. Since when are bunnies ears detachable? Fran said that her ears have a mind of their own and do what they want, when they want. Also, we have reports of Frannie demanding that the other rabbits give her a manicure??? She said that you do her nails almost every week, is that true?? Jim, don't you have any sort of a life?? Do your bun a favor, and leave her the hell alone for a minute, she needs to grow and meet other buns her own age. Frannie also wouldn't eat anything besides Oxbow pellets. Well, you must be rich, but we ain't, so she had to eat whatever we gave her. Oh, and that reminds me, every single time we opened the refrigerator, Fran would run right up to us and sit down like a puppy, waiting for a carrot I guess. This is unacceptable, she made the other buns feel less worthy. So here, you can have your Fran back, by the way she looks like a loaf of pumpernickel bread."
So, as all 4 of you can see, it is no wonder why Baby Fwan hates me. All I wanted was for her to learn some important life lessons, but now I am stuck with an angry and vengeance filled bun. I feel so guilty!