The Bun Life - If it Walks Like a Bunny, Talks Like a Bunny, Then it's a Human????

I know all 3.5 of you are going to laugh at me for this, but this is a serious matter and is not to be thought of in a light hearted manner. The thing is, me and Baby Fwan have been having some relationship problems lately (since the minute she got here), of course we constantly argue about her obsession with the couch, and I have been getting depressed lately because Frannie's ears don't purk up and fly away like they used to when I come in the room, or lift the couch up.

I spoke to Frannie about this, and she told me, in Portuguese, that when it comes down to it, me and her are just too different. This upset me greatly, especially since right after she said that, she hopped by me and splashed one of her hocks in the water bowl, thus squirting me with a shot of water right up my pant leg! Anyway, I went to a private bun counselor who specializes in mitigating bunny/couch/human relationships, and she said that if I wanted to get back in Baby Fwan's good graces, I would have to bridge the gap of differences between us, in theory, be more like her, be more like a bunny rabbit, do what she does. Then she will see me as an intellectual equal, thus further developing and sustaining the complex diabolical relationship that has manifested itself under my couch. That's the theory anyway, but as you may well know, theory rarely proves to be fact, especially with bunnies.

I set out to be more like Fwan this past week. What a nightmare it turned out to be. The first day, I tried sleeping under the couch with Thumps and Fwan during the day, but my job called and said I had to work and would have to hold off on sleeping under the couch until tomorrow, so much for that. Plus, I hit my head 15 times and got a furniture staple driven right into my toenail. Then, when I had to use the potty, I setup a hay box in the cage on the top shelf, with some hay and newspaper in it to make me more comfortable, you should have seen me trying to squeeze myself into that tight cage, but then when I finished, I realized that both Thumps and Fwan were looking at me like I was nuts. This certainly wasn't having the desired affect. Baby Fwan was going out of her way to avoid me now. 3 days ago, Frannie ran across the living room carpet and jumped in the air and did a binky where she threw her back legs out and twisted her whole body. Wanting to make an impression, I decided to try a binky of my own. I lined up in the corner of the room and ran as fast as I could towards the middle in a diagonal pattern, just when I got to the coffee table, I jumped up and threw my back legs out, but instead of doing a binky, my legs slammed into the vacuum cleaner, fracturing my pinky toe, and spun around, fell backwards and broke my ass on the coffee table. The whole table shattered and a splinter stabbed me right in the kidney. I had to go to the hospital, and while I was in the hospital bed a nurse came over to me and was asking me how I was doing. Still wanting to be like Fwan, I jumped off the bed and ducked under one of the surgical tables, and wouldn't come out for a half hour. To show my distrust of the nurse, I thumped my right foot, but fractured another toe doing so, and had to be recast.

Fwan hasn't said a word to me since, she just sits there eating hay and shaking her head, like, "What an idiot!"

5 comments:

  1. You really need to stop doing these things. Splinter in the kidney? Next time you binky please please please video that. I would pay loots and loots of money to see it. If you want to get on Fran's good side, just take her to Panera Bread.

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  2. Doesn't your counselor speak 'rabbit'? It's all in the ear movements, you need to 'speak' to Frannie not act like Frannie, with your ears! Get your money back from that counselor.

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  3. I've tried acting like a rabbit. It's tough work, and at least it helps us appreciate how hard rabbitry can be!

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog, I've just been having difficulty commenting.

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  4. Why do I always get persecuted for trying to get on Frannie's good side? Oh and by the way, I would NEVER take Frannie to Panera's. I love her way more than that!

    One thing that has been rough, is getting the hay down, even with a jug of water, so dry!

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