The Bun Life - Couch Symantics

When Frannie wants to do something, and makes up her mind that she is gonna do it, you will have to physically restrain her to stop her from doing it, probably the most determined rabbit I ever saw. Thumper, being the ever so gullible bun he is, will do whatever Frannie tells him to do, if this means bashing his head into a brick wall, then so be it.

Determined? Okay, let's talk about HOW determined Fwan is. Okay, well, before my couch became the landfill it is now, Frannie and Thumps started going under the couch, under the middle part where there are no recliners. I didn't like this, mostly because Fwan and Thumps would start doing construction and demolition projects under there while I sat down. I swear I could hear hammers and electric saws going, don't ask me how but I did.

So I decided I would try to stop them from going under the couch. I first put a playpen around the backside, then they picked a corner and went to work on it. They worked in 12 hour shifts, one slept while the other wiggled and scratched at the corner until finally they got in. They bundled up and fell asleep. I came home and was like, "Where are the buns?" Well, so much for that.

Next I took cardboard and taped it to the bottom and sides of the couch, doubling it up and then putting the playpen around again. Once again, Fwan and Tumps tag teamed the couch, ripped and clawed a hole (which was a perfect circle by the way) just big enough to squeeze their fat rumpuses through, then bundled up and fell asleep. Again, I came home to find my couch had been burglarized.

After that I decided I would use the playpen, tie shoelaces from the playpen to the bottom pegs of the couch, so they couldn't wiggle the playpen free from the couch, then took a pair of old sneakers and jammed them into the small openings that were left by the playpen. I jammed them in there really hard too, I didn't even think a person could get them out of there let alone a 6 pound bunny. Thumps and Fwan pulled an all nighter and in the morning, I came out and found a sneaker (nearly torn to shreds) in the middle of the room, and a bundle of bubbly bunny rabbits under the couch, sleeping.

Determined not to let them under the couch. I went and got the cement cardboard tubes. You guys know the ones. The ones I got are really thick. I bought one and made it the exact length of the couch. Then I place it behind the couch on the floor, and then pushed the couch up against the wall as far as it would go. The idea here was that they could still go behind the couch, by using the tube, but not go UNDER the couch because the tube blocked entrance to it. Then to block all avenues of entry I took an old pair of steel toe work boots and jammed each one into the small leftover openings that the tube left. We were set, no more under the couch, right?

Well, over the next few days, I would see Frannie disappear behind the couch, here her enter the tunnel, and stop while still in it. Then I would hear, scratch scratch scratch. I thought that it didn't matter because this tube was about 4 inches thick and was completely round and narrow on the inside, how could she possibly get through it by scratching. Anyway, I came home about 2 nights later and realized that two buns were missing. I looked everywhere but under the couch because I just assumed it was safe from their wrath. Anyway, I look under the couch from far away and see a white cottonball and a pumpernickel cottonball sticking ever so slightly out from the bottom of the middle of the couch.

Unreal. I looked at the tube, and in the middle of the tube, right where the tube aligns with the middle of the couch, there is a perfect circle hole going right through to the center of the couch. Since then I have signed over the deed to the couch to them permanently :)

13 comments:

  1. KInda sorta like the Great Escape, except opposite.......well that's a bun for ya!

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  2. Jim - I wanted you to know, that Sogna has initiated couch destruction. Not a lot of damage yet, but definitely enough to notice. So I guess I owe my landlord a new couch.

    I think maybe BF and TR are in cohorts with Biff & Sogna. Have they been sneaking over to teach my rabbits their devious ways while I go to work? I don't like it. Your rabbits are a bad influence. Please make it stop.

    Anyway, I thought you might feel vindicated to know apparently you don't have the only delicious couch in New York.

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  3. Pumpernickel? I just had a sandwich with pumpernickel bread, not really relevant though. Where theres a bun theres a way.

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  4. Lisa, I moved in with my folks about 5 years ago to help take care of my Dad after surgery and help my Mom out. When I left a year or two later, my mother begged me to let her keep the 9 trillion dollar vacuum I bought while there. She offered up her new precious livingroom set (couch and loveseat) as extortion for the vacuum. Well, she saw the couch after Frannie really tore into it and almost had a heart attack! I offered to trade back the couch for the vacuum but for some odd reason she said no, oh and Fran told me she can't sleep in a vacuum anyway, but I wouldn't put anything past BF.

    I LOVE calling BF a Pumpernickel LOAF!

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  5. Oh, I know this is very stupid, and I am embarrassed (red faced) to ask, (sighs) Frannie wanted me to ask you if, because she influenced your buns to destroy the couch, do you plan to pick her up in the near future? I know, really stupid, she is petrified and obsessive about it but I have to ask or else I am punished.

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  6. there must be architectural plans of the great break in somewhere...just look for papers that have the edges eaten away!

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  7. LOL. I laugh every time you call her that. Your mom must have died when she saw what happened to her beautiful living room set. But I see BF's point. Vacuums are terrifying to begin with, I can't imagine sleeping in one. I, for one, have four different vacuum devices and I love each one in their own way.

    Frannie- I heard a rumor that you love being picked up, at least by strangers. That's not true? In any event, in answer to your question, talk to my buns again and you'll find out what happens. Just a warning. Although I could see being tempted. They could teach you a thing or two too. Like how to train Jim to almost never pick you up. Or how to punish him any time he goes out (by using his bed as a litter box, of course).

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  8. You don't understand, I HAVE to pick her up. How else do I hug her? If I so much as think of entering the same room she's in, BAM, she's gone. That is, of course, unless I have a carrot, then she goes through that whole drama. I dont pick her up often, hardly ever (starting to sweat), seriously not even once a month (blood pressure rising, showing signs of deception), okay maybe once a week. I swear! Once per....hmm...let me see...okay yeah, about once per 24 hours.

    Oh come on! How the hell do you live with a walking loaf of white bread, and a walking loaf of Pumpernickel Rye (with flying ears) and NOT pick her up??? Absolutely impossible.

    Plus, how do I pluck Frannie Feathers otherwise?? Not like she is gonna offer them to me, right? Of course there is the brushing and the nails, which she must be picked up for. SO other than those 14 times a day I pick her up, it hardly EVER happens.

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  9. nails...mr b has a nail that grows in like a cork screw...

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  10. I had been wondering who "c." was. Not much of a google profile. Very mysterious...

    A cork screw? That sounds attractive. hope you keep it nice and trim.

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  11. just when i thought i could finally trim mr. b's nails, he grows a deformed one and i had to take him to the vet. but dr. saver says it's a perfectly normal, be it deformed, nail. so i will attempt trimming his nails yet again when they grow out, corkscrew and all (or take him to the vet). don't ask how much that nail cost me.

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  12. I can't imagine. I think you need to learn to trim it, or at least file it or something. You can't go to Dr. Saver every time you need to trim his snaggle-nail. That'll cost you more money than I'll probably earn in my lifetime!

    PS. I'll be at Petco this Saturday and the 15th and 16th (with you, right?). Sorry I never answered your email.

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