What am I gonna do about her? Unreal Fwannie, unreal.
The Bun Life - New Issue of "Playbun" Hits The Streets Today! Baby Fwan On Cover!
Fwan has gone and done it now, unreal. What am I gonna do with a famous bunny? I'll tell you what, nothing. She already has an arrogant attitude walking around the house now, like she is a star and I am a piece of junk. Well, actually, it has always been that way. Anyway, I scanned a copy of the mag for you guys, here it is:
The Bun Life - Baby Fwan Has Done it This Time!! (With Photo Evidence)
Okay, I leave for a few hours the other night, and on the way out I keep thinking about the bunny gossip going around around Thumper and Frannie. The word on the street (huh?) is that Thumper is the one actually chewing up my couch when I am gone, that he is just framing Baby Fwan to take the hit for his criminal clawing of my chewed up couch. Do I really believe that? Not a chance. I have caught Frannie on the couch grooming the armrest, burrowing into the corner, all kinds of weird shit. Not for a SECOND do I think Frannie is innocent.
Well, I come home the other night, and I was horrified by what my eyes were telling me. I kept a camera handy and ready to go in case I ever got a chance to take evidence photos (for the prosecution). Well, here it is, truth unfolded, undeniable proof that Frannie is a couch criminal:
Well, I come home the other night, and I was horrified by what my eyes were telling me. I kept a camera handy and ready to go in case I ever got a chance to take evidence photos (for the prosecution). Well, here it is, truth unfolded, undeniable proof that Frannie is a couch criminal:
Frannie is an evil bun, and I will see to it that prosecutors will be violated! Wait, I mean viacutors will be prosellated, oh whatever, you know what I mean!. Vote NO for Baby Fwan!
Franny's Vacation Photos
I can't believe it, I guess Franny gets around more than I ever knew. Turns out the whole time I think she is under the couch, she is really traveling the world without me, or even Thumper. I found a whole stash of Franny's world travels and vacation photos. I will be scanning them and uploading them as I go. Here are two of them:
Here is one of Franny on the street in London:
Amazing that she didn't get hit by a car!
And here is one that really shocked me when I saw it:
I can't believe he got that close to Frannie without her running away! Wait a minute, now that I think of it, how the hell did Frannie get so close to him?? So much for the secret service!
I will be scanning more as I go, she has a whole box of them here.
Here is one of Franny on the street in London:
And here is one that really shocked me when I saw it:
I will be scanning more as I go, she has a whole box of them here.
The Bun Life - What Has This Fran, I Mean World, Come To?
Poor Baby Fwan. I can only imagine how far down I am on Frannie's Christmas card list, even at this time of year. Me and Baby Fwan just don't see eye to eye, for real actually, bunnies have side mounted eyes and we have front mounted eyes, so eye to eye is damn near impossible!
Just how aloof is my Baby Fwan to me? Well, to give you an idea, I sit on the couch watching TV. Frannie will sit in the middle carpet between 2 escape routes: one goes directly into the puppy cage (where I can't get her), and the other goes right into the cardboard "Heartbreak Hotel" where I also can't get to her. She lies down with her legs stretched out behind her, cowlick and all, and just stares at me for hours on end.
Well, you might say that is so cute, she loves you! Nope, sorry. Frannie has a more sinister purpose for staring at me all night: conducting surveillance. If I so much as think about getting up off the couch, she immediately goes into "Holy Shit, He's Coming!" mode, and then jettisons her fluffy big butt into the puppy pen to escape the hellish nightmare of being picked up, petted, given a carrot, and have silly songs sung to her by her deranged owner! Oh the humanity!!
I can sometimes get to her when she nods off on watch and I get the element of surprise. Then she just sucks it up and goes into "survival" mode, where a bunny zones out and digs deep to get through a terribly traumatic situation, like being loved. I can then hug her for about 27 seconds, if I push the fact, then there are consequences. At 30 seconds, Fran starts to jostle, wiggle, squirm, and buck. Once we pass the 40 second mark, she starts using her Edward Scissorhands claws on me, if all else fails, then Fran will pee on me (I swear, she did it to me!). How dare Frannie be so dramatic!
So other than that, Me and Frannie are very close, as long as I don't come within 400 feet of her, things are fine :))
Just how aloof is my Baby Fwan to me? Well, to give you an idea, I sit on the couch watching TV. Frannie will sit in the middle carpet between 2 escape routes: one goes directly into the puppy cage (where I can't get her), and the other goes right into the cardboard "Heartbreak Hotel" where I also can't get to her. She lies down with her legs stretched out behind her, cowlick and all, and just stares at me for hours on end.
Well, you might say that is so cute, she loves you! Nope, sorry. Frannie has a more sinister purpose for staring at me all night: conducting surveillance. If I so much as think about getting up off the couch, she immediately goes into "Holy Shit, He's Coming!" mode, and then jettisons her fluffy big butt into the puppy pen to escape the hellish nightmare of being picked up, petted, given a carrot, and have silly songs sung to her by her deranged owner! Oh the humanity!!
I can sometimes get to her when she nods off on watch and I get the element of surprise. Then she just sucks it up and goes into "survival" mode, where a bunny zones out and digs deep to get through a terribly traumatic situation, like being loved. I can then hug her for about 27 seconds, if I push the fact, then there are consequences. At 30 seconds, Fran starts to jostle, wiggle, squirm, and buck. Once we pass the 40 second mark, she starts using her Edward Scissorhands claws on me, if all else fails, then Fran will pee on me (I swear, she did it to me!). How dare Frannie be so dramatic!
So other than that, Me and Frannie are very close, as long as I don't come within 400 feet of her, things are fine :))
The Bun Life: 2012 - The End Of The World, What Would Frannie Do?
I saw the movie 2012 the other night, I brought my father with us cause I knew he would like the movie. John Cusack is a great actor, and the movie was really great. Not too far fetched, and I like that.
At the end they are trying to get this huge door closed to make their ship watertight, and this one lady had a little dog that wound up on the opposite side of a crevice (without giving the movie away), and the only way to save the dog was to convince it to jump. She urged the dog by telling it to jump to her and after a few times the dog did just that, and it was saved. The movie ended shortly after, end of story.
On the way home, the conversation inevitably turned into a "What would you do if the world ended" type group talk. Of course my first thoughts are...my family? No. My friends? No. My car? Nope. My neighbors? Not a chance. Innocent bystanders under the age of 6 that can't help themselves? Nope. My 4 fluffy bunny rabbits? Hell Yeah!!
Everyone laughed as I described the scenario of chasing the bunny rabbits around the house trying to convince them of the levity of the situation. I would be yelling, "The world is ending you idiots!" and they would be running under the couch. Then after about 15 minutes, I would be jetting to my car, 4 bunnies in tow.
Then I thought of the movie, and the part with the dog. Naturally, my thoughts replaced that very dog with guess what? Fran. The most indifferent living thing in the natural world to date. If all Frannie had to do was jump into my arms to save herself, you can count her out, not a chance in furry hell would Fran engage in any physical activity that even remotely resembled moving toward me in any plausible fashion. Not gonna happen. I can just picture it now, "Baby Fwann! Jump to me Frannie, come on Frannie, your gonna die, please jump!!!" Frannie would look, and she would think, "Hmm, I bet this is merely a ploy to pick me up and do my nails or some unpleasant crap. Hmmm, get picked up by Jim or die a fiery death. I'll take death. Nahhh. You go ahead Jim, I'll be fine."
Me convincing Frannie to do anything I want besides take a carrot or eat her food is a futile journey. Poor Fran, what the hell are we gonna do in 3 years Frannie??
At the end they are trying to get this huge door closed to make their ship watertight, and this one lady had a little dog that wound up on the opposite side of a crevice (without giving the movie away), and the only way to save the dog was to convince it to jump. She urged the dog by telling it to jump to her and after a few times the dog did just that, and it was saved. The movie ended shortly after, end of story.
On the way home, the conversation inevitably turned into a "What would you do if the world ended" type group talk. Of course my first thoughts are...my family? No. My friends? No. My car? Nope. My neighbors? Not a chance. Innocent bystanders under the age of 6 that can't help themselves? Nope. My 4 fluffy bunny rabbits? Hell Yeah!!
Everyone laughed as I described the scenario of chasing the bunny rabbits around the house trying to convince them of the levity of the situation. I would be yelling, "The world is ending you idiots!" and they would be running under the couch. Then after about 15 minutes, I would be jetting to my car, 4 bunnies in tow.
Then I thought of the movie, and the part with the dog. Naturally, my thoughts replaced that very dog with guess what? Fran. The most indifferent living thing in the natural world to date. If all Frannie had to do was jump into my arms to save herself, you can count her out, not a chance in furry hell would Fran engage in any physical activity that even remotely resembled moving toward me in any plausible fashion. Not gonna happen. I can just picture it now, "Baby Fwann! Jump to me Frannie, come on Frannie, your gonna die, please jump!!!" Frannie would look, and she would think, "Hmm, I bet this is merely a ploy to pick me up and do my nails or some unpleasant crap. Hmmm, get picked up by Jim or die a fiery death. I'll take death. Nahhh. You go ahead Jim, I'll be fine."
Me convincing Frannie to do anything I want besides take a carrot or eat her food is a futile journey. Poor Fran, what the hell are we gonna do in 3 years Frannie??
The Bun Life - Bunnies on Strike??
I couldn't believe it, this letter from the bunnies was on my desk this morning. From what it says, they are now on strike I guess, how the hell is that even possible? Well, lets read the letter and see if we can find out what's going on.
| Dear Jim, Me and Thumper thought that we could settle things amicably with you, evidently that is not possible. Both of us (who cares about the other 2 bunnies) are fed up with the treatment we have received while remaining in your care, we have no choice but to go on strike until our demands are met, and if you don't comply within 72 hours we will be getting an official divorce from you. I am hoping the rescue will at least let us sleep on the couch for a few nights, or under the couch would be better :) You have violated our bunny rights and our personal space in the following horrendous ways, we demand that you cease and desist all of the following behavior:
This just scratches the surface, Thumper had a few things he wanted to add but who cares about his minor grievances. Like we said, you have 3 days to decide, I have the Bunderground Railroad on standby, so let me know. Regretfully Yours, Fran (and Thumps) |
Wow! Frannie sounds upset, I never knew that she could write English so well. I have a lot to think about over the next few days I guess.
The Bun Life - Frannie's Sneaky Surprise
I haven't posted in a bit, been feeling crappy due to my gallbladder, but will likely be having it out soon. Anyway, onto the bunny stuff, who cares about my health crap right? Okay, here is the situation:
I have a playpen that goes around my entire big screen TV and completely seals off the TV area so the bunnies can't get behind it and chew everything up and get electrocuted. The other night I wanted to watch a movie, and I wanted the screen to be unobstructed, so I removed the playpen from around the TV just for the duration of the movie. I have done this before with no issues. Well, during the movie, I fall asleep. When I wake up, I put the recliner down and see the TV is off due to the sleep timer I always set in case I fall asleep.
I go to the bathroom, then to the kitchen to get a drink, and then come to the couch and sit down, eager to watch more TV. I clicked the remote, nothing happens. I hold the remote at different angles in case the beam is hitting the furniture or something, nothing. Hmm. I get two new batteries out of the drawer of the coffee table and replace the ones in the remote control, and try it again. Nothing. What the hell?
As I am trying to figure out what the problem is, I just happen to glance over at the cable box and guess what I see? Frannie!!! Sprawled out, laying down stuffed in the shelf of the entertainment center with her front paw hanging over the remote sensor for the cable box. I was shocked and couldn't believe that she stuffed herself in there. She could have easily got behind the TV and chew every wire in sight. I scooped her up and she was looking at me the whole time as if to say, "What? Something wrong? What is the big deal, I was just laying down in the entertainment center!"
Unreal Fran, unreal. It was so shocking because it was the absolute last thing I expected to see when looking on the shelf at the cabe box. She is something else, I tell you.
I have a playpen that goes around my entire big screen TV and completely seals off the TV area so the bunnies can't get behind it and chew everything up and get electrocuted. The other night I wanted to watch a movie, and I wanted the screen to be unobstructed, so I removed the playpen from around the TV just for the duration of the movie. I have done this before with no issues. Well, during the movie, I fall asleep. When I wake up, I put the recliner down and see the TV is off due to the sleep timer I always set in case I fall asleep.
I go to the bathroom, then to the kitchen to get a drink, and then come to the couch and sit down, eager to watch more TV. I clicked the remote, nothing happens. I hold the remote at different angles in case the beam is hitting the furniture or something, nothing. Hmm. I get two new batteries out of the drawer of the coffee table and replace the ones in the remote control, and try it again. Nothing. What the hell?
As I am trying to figure out what the problem is, I just happen to glance over at the cable box and guess what I see? Frannie!!! Sprawled out, laying down stuffed in the shelf of the entertainment center with her front paw hanging over the remote sensor for the cable box. I was shocked and couldn't believe that she stuffed herself in there. She could have easily got behind the TV and chew every wire in sight. I scooped her up and she was looking at me the whole time as if to say, "What? Something wrong? What is the big deal, I was just laying down in the entertainment center!"
Unreal Fran, unreal. It was so shocking because it was the absolute last thing I expected to see when looking on the shelf at the cabe box. She is something else, I tell you.
The Bun Life - Census Bureau Lady Person Researcher Woman Visit
About a month ago, I got a letter in the mail (where else do you get letters right?) that warned me, okay told me, about a visit I would be getting from a survey person. That person is from some group doing a study on some subject. If I am ultimately chosen, after answering a few basic questions, to participate in the hour long survey, that I would receive thirty bucks cash. Hey shit, who doesn't need thirty bucks cash right? After all, that's like 8 bags of spring mix for the kids (bunnies).
So, I sat in my apartment for a month, waiting with wings for this survey person. She finally made my millenium by knocking on the door and offering me the survey. Okay, I totally had forgotten about it the second I tossed the letter, but what the hell. I grilled her a little bit to make sure it wasn't some scam to get social security numbers for identity theft (yes, people do that) and when I was certain she was legit I let her in. Well, once she saw Frannie hanging out by the TV it was all over, "Ohhhh mmmyyyy, you have BUNNIES???" and then we talked about bunnies for an hour. After that she asked me the basic questions and then her computer told her I was selected to participate in the hour long survey. She was like, "Oh great, I get to come back and see the bunnies again!"
She came back the next day and we did the survey. Only took an hour, and she handed me thirty bucks and a receipt that said so. When she left I saw that the receipt had check boxes to either accept the money or decline the money. I was like YEAH RIGHT, decline free money while crackheads are up at Waldbaums asking me to let them charge my groceries on their welfare card so I can give them cash in return?? Helllll no! You know why they need cash right?? If you don't then you are the one who agreed to do it :) Crack dealers don't take produce in place of Jefferson's. I just thought it was funny how they had that option, even more funny was that the lady never told me about it. That just tells me that she felt the same way I did.
Deny Baby Fwan her 8 bags of spring mix so the crackheads can keep welfare in business?? I think not.
So, I sat in my apartment for a month, waiting with wings for this survey person. She finally made my millenium by knocking on the door and offering me the survey. Okay, I totally had forgotten about it the second I tossed the letter, but what the hell. I grilled her a little bit to make sure it wasn't some scam to get social security numbers for identity theft (yes, people do that) and when I was certain she was legit I let her in. Well, once she saw Frannie hanging out by the TV it was all over, "Ohhhh mmmyyyy, you have BUNNIES???" and then we talked about bunnies for an hour. After that she asked me the basic questions and then her computer told her I was selected to participate in the hour long survey. She was like, "Oh great, I get to come back and see the bunnies again!"
She came back the next day and we did the survey. Only took an hour, and she handed me thirty bucks and a receipt that said so. When she left I saw that the receipt had check boxes to either accept the money or decline the money. I was like YEAH RIGHT, decline free money while crackheads are up at Waldbaums asking me to let them charge my groceries on their welfare card so I can give them cash in return?? Helllll no! You know why they need cash right?? If you don't then you are the one who agreed to do it :) Crack dealers don't take produce in place of Jefferson's. I just thought it was funny how they had that option, even more funny was that the lady never told me about it. That just tells me that she felt the same way I did.
Deny Baby Fwan her 8 bags of spring mix so the crackheads can keep welfare in business?? I think not.
The Bun Life: New Product "Self Bunny Catching Carrier"
Okay, I know what you are saying, "What the hell is a self catching bunny carrier?", right? Well, if that isn't what you're saying then you should be! Thumper, my white giant albino fluffy lop bunny rabbit (how many adjectives?) needed to be brushed the other night. Frannie did too but I brushed her and was done with it. Thumper, on the other hand, was determined to not be picked up and brushed no matter what the cost.
After pointlessly chasing him around the living room for an hour, I decided to get the bunny carrier out. I would place it down on the ground, open the door, and try to herd him into it by chasing him that way. It didn't matter what I did, he wasn't going in the damn carrier. Then, I was paged by work (of course), and I went into the computer room to do some work. I just left the carrier laying on the ground where it was.
After about an hour of working, I walked out to get Thumper a carrot. Only problem was, I couldn't find him. I tipped the couch over and only found Baby Fwan, no Tumps. I started thinking about that game show, "Where In The World Is Carmen Tumpie Rabbits?" Then after about 5 minutes of looking all over, I turned to glance at the carrier and guess who was sitting in the carrier all peaceful with the door closed? Thumper! Okay, I lied about the door being closed part. Lassie he definitely ain't, but caught he definitely was.
I couldn't believe that he didn't run out of the carrier even after seeing me come in the room. I was laughing my tail off. Okay, that was yet another lie, I don't have a tail, but a girl I once dated did. Her prom dress was a nightmare to tailor. Anyway, back to the important thing, the self bunny catching carrier. I am now selling them for $275.00 plus luxury tax (so Fran can live in the lap of luxury), hey they are a great buy, all you have to do to catch the bunny is place it down and walk away for an hour. When you return your bunny will be chilling out in the carrier waiting to be caught (if he has rocks in his head like one white rabbit I know).
After pointlessly chasing him around the living room for an hour, I decided to get the bunny carrier out. I would place it down on the ground, open the door, and try to herd him into it by chasing him that way. It didn't matter what I did, he wasn't going in the damn carrier. Then, I was paged by work (of course), and I went into the computer room to do some work. I just left the carrier laying on the ground where it was.
After about an hour of working, I walked out to get Thumper a carrot. Only problem was, I couldn't find him. I tipped the couch over and only found Baby Fwan, no Tumps. I started thinking about that game show, "Where In The World Is Carmen Tumpie Rabbits?" Then after about 5 minutes of looking all over, I turned to glance at the carrier and guess who was sitting in the carrier all peaceful with the door closed? Thumper! Okay, I lied about the door being closed part. Lassie he definitely ain't, but caught he definitely was.
I couldn't believe that he didn't run out of the carrier even after seeing me come in the room. I was laughing my tail off. Okay, that was yet another lie, I don't have a tail, but a girl I once dated did. Her prom dress was a nightmare to tailor. Anyway, back to the important thing, the self bunny catching carrier. I am now selling them for $275.00 plus luxury tax (so Fran can live in the lap of luxury), hey they are a great buy, all you have to do to catch the bunny is place it down and walk away for an hour. When you return your bunny will be chilling out in the carrier waiting to be caught (if he has rocks in his head like one white rabbit I know).
The Bun Life - Bunnies and m&m's???
'Twas the night before absolutely nothing and all through the house (apartment), not a creature was stirring (except 2 my two free range bunnies) not even a mouse. The bag of m&m's dangled from my hand with care, not knowing that Thumper would soon be right there. I was scratching and snoring when, from the other side of the living room, arose a clatter. I jumped up from my slumber to see what the hell was the matter. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but my stupid fluffy white bunny rabbit eating a bag of m&m's!!
I was horrified to see Thumper chewing on my bag of regular m&m's. I jumped up and immediately took it away from him. Thankfully there wasn't that many left, I think he ate five or six, maybe even less. I watched both him and Fran closely for the rest of the night, thankfully they are fine. Would you believe it, that little white devil spends his time sniffing the carpet and licking the carpet looking for more m&m's!!
I looked up a bunch of stuff on the web, some good and some bad, mostly I watched him and Fran. Fran was doing wheelies all night while Thumper chased her around the apartment trying to face hump her, business as usual to me. These crazy bunnies, thank god my mistake didn't cost poor Thumps his life. No more candy in that room that's for sure.
I was horrified to see Thumper chewing on my bag of regular m&m's. I jumped up and immediately took it away from him. Thankfully there wasn't that many left, I think he ate five or six, maybe even less. I watched both him and Fran closely for the rest of the night, thankfully they are fine. Would you believe it, that little white devil spends his time sniffing the carpet and licking the carpet looking for more m&m's!!
I looked up a bunch of stuff on the web, some good and some bad, mostly I watched him and Fran. Fran was doing wheelies all night while Thumper chased her around the apartment trying to face hump her, business as usual to me. These crazy bunnies, thank god my mistake didn't cost poor Thumps his life. No more candy in that room that's for sure.
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