The Bun Life - Breakdown of Frannie's Brain Physiology and Other Pointless Crap

Okay, as both of you very well know, all I have to do to get Frannie to run away is simply exist. So when I go to the fridge to get her and Tumps a carrot, I have to call out "FWANNN!!" and then the entire Baby Fwan decision weighing process begins. Several thoughts run through in precise succession, it is basically like a "Choose Your Own Adventure Book" when you really think about it. Here is what Frannie is thinking EXACTLY, I know because I had an affair with her therapist. Ever wonder why therapist is spelled The Rapist??? Now you know why. Anyway, getting back to the completely meaningless conversation we were having, here you go, the Frannie thought process in detail:

It all begins when I call out FWAAANNNN!!

1. Frannie picks up the call on one of her flying ears, that are in orbit around the living room. The ears relay the call back to Frannie's brain.

2. Frannie then tried to distinguish the call and see if it is human or not.

3. She realizes that it is human, so that immediately means the paranoia defenses are jacked up to 89% capacity by default, now she has to determine which human it is.

4. Frannie realizes that Jim has no life, save for the bun life, and figures out that Jim is the only person it possibly COULD be. So yes, it is Jim, that immediately gives Fwan the following options:

  • Option A: Run like hell so he can't pick me up. (Turn to page 53)
  • Option B: Delay running like hell for just a tad longer, just in case the remote possiblity of getting something other than a pick up. (Stay on this page)

5. Frannie will often choose option A immediately, then stay under the couch for a second and then change her mind and come back. Once she decides to hold her ground and see what happens next, the process continues.

6. Evaluate Tumpie Rabbit's reaction and see if he is his normal jackass self, or if he is absolutely petrified like I always am.

  • Option A: If Tumps is normal, hang out just a little longer for possible food reward. (Stay on this page)
  • Option B: If Tumps is scared, run like hell under the couch, NOTE: remember to follow the white fluffy tail. (Turn to page 53)

7. Now if Fwan chooses Option A, I call them once again, but this time I provide official evidence that I am not a lying S.O.B. and really have a carrot for them, the evidence is obviously the carrot itself. Once I show the carrot, this sets further things in motion: Fwan then is faced with new options:

  • Option A: Run right up to Jim and beg for carrot. (Turn to page 117) NOTE: Not good choice, could be tricked into being picked up, check memory for BAD experiences related to this fact.
  • Option B: Run like hell under the couch. (Turn to page 53)
  • Option C: Coerce stupid Tumpie Rabbits to be the "Bait" and go first for a carrot. This way if he gets tricked and picked up then we will NEVER trust Jim again. (Turn to page 210) NOTE: Check memory for funny experiences watching Thumper get "tricked and picked".

8: Fwan will choose Option C 9.9 times out of 10. When she does, I always have to give Thumps the carrot first. He then runs to get away from Fwan, because BF loves to finish hers quickly and then hunt him down for the rest of his :) Once I go to give Frannie her carrot, she leans over JUST enough to commit to getting the carrot, yet keeps her backleg momentum facing towards the couch in case I try to pick her up anyway. Once she has the carrot, she is faced with the last of her options:

  • Option A: Run like hell and eat carrot under the couch. (Turn to page 53) NOTE: This eliminates post option of eating Thumper's carrot too.
  • Option B: Run to the nearest safe zone where I can keep an eye on Jim, eat carrot, and keep tabs on Dimwit so I know where to go for his carrot when done with mine. (Turn to page 300) NOTE: be prepared to tussle with tumpie Rabbits! He gets really pissed when I steal his carrot.

There you have it, believe it or not this saga plays itself out in the head of Baby Fwan every time I go to the fridge to get them a carrot. Amazing huh??

7 comments:

  1. this is brilliant, I recognise those bunny thought processes

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  2. It is indeed amazing. Sogna has a similar process, although she is the one who actually likes getting pet, she watches Biffy beg madly for about 10 minutes before she will exit the safe zone to come and receive her treat.

    They both love stealing out of each other's mouths, although Biff tends to be a lot worse with this. Sogna just isn't that vigilant over her treats and doesn't inhale them as quickly as he does, so he says she's just asking for it.

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  3. I am not familiar with these concepts or thought processeseseses. My buns are all too chubby to even contemplate running away when there's food involed. When they hear the sound of anything that sounds like food I am swarmed.

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  4. I wonder if the problem isn't that her name isn't Fwan or even Fran.....otherwise I have to agree it's all about options......

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  5. Yeah Fwan uses Thumper as a test subject for all dangerous things, she doesn't hesitate to toss him under the bus.

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  6. What happens when you go to the kitchen to get them a banana?

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