Hey all. I woke up this morning and Frannie and Thumps were running circles waiting for the pellets as usual, and they both ate. However, I walked by the enclosure a few hours later, and Frannie was doing the loaf of bread pose in the litterbox. Right away, I knew something was off, I know my girl and she never does that. I handed her a carrot, and she didn't want it. Then I really got worried. I called my friend Catherine, we decided I could give her a little simethicone, which I gave her 1cc of. I then massaged her belly for a good hour, all the while Frannie looking at me, "Can you please just leave me alone already?" She was moving around after that, a little inactive, so I gave her some time to rest, maybe she was just full or something. Could have been a little gas bubble or something. I walked by them again earlier, and they were bouncing around, begging for a carrot, which they both ate one, so that made me feel a whole lot better, naturally :). I am just grateful she is not sick.
Fan Mail Question: "Dear Baby Fwan, I am hoping you can help. You are so knowledgeable, courageous, and an inspiration to us women, I read your column all the time. My problem is my husbun. He is a typical man, sleeps all day, leaves the lid up on the litterbox, and is downright aggressive at dinner time. He is a control freak also, he won't even let me leave our enclosure, he even put a large fence up around the whole thing made of metal! Isn't that bunny-napping or something? I feel unloved, I know that is typical of English lops, but I am trying not to be racist or judgmental. I tried to get a restraining order against him, but the courts said we were "bonded" and the clerk said I was "S-O-L" but I don't know what that even means. What should I do Baby Fwan??" Love always, Precious in Seattle
Baby Fwan Responds
Sorry to hear about your whatever, must be tough. How could you read my column all the time if this is the first one? Something tells me you're blowing smoke up my 'tocks. Anyway, honey you need to get your own identity. Ever hear the old saying, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything?" Me neither. Anyway, men are always going to be fat, lazy slobs who think about one thing and one thing only: yup, CARROTS! Ever hear the old proverb about the stick and the carrot? Me neither, but I hear it is pretty cool, and basically says you can get anybun to do anything by using a combination of punches and carrots. Pretty cool right? You have to get out of this relationship, maybe you could fake being barbered? Does he have any life insurance? Without knowing every detail it is hard for me to give you specific answers. I encourage you to write back to me again and divulge some of this stuff to me. Who knows, maybe we can run away together, somewhere where we are free to roam without getting picked up. Ahhh, a girl can dream can't she?
Anyway, what drew me to this subject, aside from the Bigfoot toes Sogna has, (you wouldn't believe how bad Sogna's feet were when she was rescued, even one of her Tocks had to be amputated.) was how weird Frannie's feet were. Incredibly, Frannie has webbed feet! Seriously, she has no toes, I'll have to get a good pic of them so you can see. I spoke with the Genetics professor at our local St. Joseph's College, even sent him a sample of Baby Fwan's hair for advanced DNA genetic profiling (not just the run of the mill genetic profiling, ADVANCED genetic profiling, which is way better, in fact the regular genetic profiling totally sucks!) and the results were astounding.
Actually, first he sent the sample back saying that there must have been some mistake because all that was in the tube was a piece of wire from a Brillo Pad, with a piece of Pumpernickel bagel on the end of it. I assured him that it was Frannie's hair, and that what he got was just a Frannie feather, so I sent it back and he analyzed it for me. He says that Frannie is 35% Duck!!?? That totally explains the webbed feet, maybe even the cowlick she gets! He also said the other 65% is a mixture of nearly every species on the planet. I still don't know where she gets the detachable ears from, but that might never be known definitively anyway. So Fran doesn't have Tocks, kind of sad actually in a way, but I am over it already. Uh oh, Frannie climbing on the ceiling again, gotta go!
Best Friend's Animal Shelter website that chronicles a nice two-bunny adoption by an eleven-year old girl Kristen and her family. I know what you're thinking, girl adopts bunny, not exactly front-page news, right? However, a lot about the story made me feel good, which is rare for a news piece. It wasn't an impulse decision, the parents made their daughter do her homework (which she did, from my understanding), and they all took everything into consideration before adopting. As someone who has volunteered for rabbit rescue before, and has done multiple pre-adoption home visits, I can say that these type of adoptions are always the most successful. I mean for everyone, including the bunny. Don't get me wrong, it is fine if only one member wants the bunny, but the chances of a happy adoption go up if the whole family is on-board.
So two dew-claws up for Kristen and her family! I know this may seem out of place, but if you ever want another bunny I have a black and white Pumpernickel bunny that I am trying to get rid of. She is really a great rabbit, you can't approach her or pick her up, or come near her in any way, and she tears and chews up everything you own, but aside from that she is a real doll. If you're interested I can FedEx her to you overnight. Don't worry, I'll poke some holes in the box. She'll be fine, hopefully. Anyways, don't feel pressured, seriously, as long as you can give me an answer in the next 24 hours, but don't feel pressured by any means, okay? Good luck with your two though, I'm going to sew up my love seat, good night!