The Bun Life - $1000 Giveaway!!!

Yeah right, not a chance! How about a thousand fruit flies?? I can FedEx them to you if you want! Anyway, what are your bunnies like? For some reason I think my bunnies are defective. It is like a morgue or a nursing home in here for Pete's sake. The bunnies just veg out all day and night sleeping, rolling over, sleeping some more, eat some hay, sleep, carrots, back to sleeping. I watch tons of YouTube videos of people and their bunnies doing cartwheels, backflips, side kicks, house work, furniture moving, and more cool stuff. Then I look over at my bunnies, and I'm lucky if they so much as jiggle an eyebrow at me!!

Then I have to deal with the exact polar opposite when going into my office, Sydney NEVER sleeps, he "trains" all day. Naturally, your next question would be, "Trains for what?" That would be the big fight. What fight? The one he is gonna have with me the next time I go into the lion's den to change his water and hay. This bunny is the Anti-Christ, you have no clue. He doesn't sleep, he stays up all night drinking coffee and popping No-Doze. He sits on, or under, my bed, I mean HIS bed, and sharpens his claws with the ankle bones of past victims. He growls, no not grunts, growls. It sounds like 40 midgets with an upper respiratory infection, a foul growl from the depths of bunny hell. I swear, I feel like I am in a domestic violence situation over here. I can see it now, me going to meetings to get support for my bunny beating me. The group would tell me that, "If he has done it once, he will do it again" and then I will counter with , "Well, I do instigate most of the fights by going to change his water, he really loves me and he bought me flowers last time. He said he won't saw off my ankle again" Then everyone will help me get the kids (Thumps and Fwan) to a safe house while I deal with El Syd.

I never met a bunny that was willing to sacrifice his whole body to use a furry battering ram. What the hell is wrong with him? What a lunatic. I got the golden girls who sleep all day and then the psychotic nutcase who NEVER sleeps. I swear, he doesn't even have eye lids, he don't need them!! His breed of psychotic dwarfs have evolved so much that the eye lids were not needed, due to the fact he stays up FOREVER!! No matter what time, day or night, he is waiting for me by the gate, waiting for me to enter to change his water and hay and food, so he can surgically remove a chunk of my Achilles heel. Then you pick him up and he is a doll, what gives??

Thumps and Fwan, in between sleeping shifts, sit at the gate and watch as he shreds my feet to powder. They stand around like neighbors watching the SWAT team raid a nearby crack house. I can hear Baby Fwan now, "Oh my, look at that! Jim lost another toe, Think that he will still be able to pick me up without that toe?" then Thumps will roll his eyes, "Oh would you stop with the picking me up crap already?? Who Cares!!!"

EVIL BUNNIES!!!!

The Bun Life - Madlibs Update

Okay, here is the first madlib I wrote, I will post the blank copy so you can see what I am replacing, then I will write out whatever ones of people who commented, this is my first one so give me a break, it could be funnier but whatever, this ain't no cotton picking job now is it??

Since I am a database guy, I just had to get geeky and I created an Access database with all the entries and then created a Mail Merge doc in Word, then just told Word to spit out new copies of the doc with each person's entries, pretty cool huh?

Here is the madlib:

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and his name was --(1)-- . "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my --(2)-- in the cage to say hello, and --(1)-- freaked out, got scared and did a --(3)-- right there in front of us! Poor bunny, --(1)-- was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one --(4)--. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, --(1)-- still had his/her --(5)--. We decided to keep him/her, and we took him/her home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny --(6)-- but she was outvoted, we kept the name --(1)--.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with --(8)-- after he was bitten by a --(7)-- in the Amazon, poor guy. --(1)-- would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with --(1)-- in it, we walked in and saw --(1)-- running around the perimieter of the room at a speed of roughly --(9)-- miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his --(2)-- off and then stole his --(15)-- from the laundry basket. He has a --(10)-- in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and --(13)--. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with --(1)-- and picked him up, he was about to hit the bunny with a --(11)-- until I intervened and --(12)-- Uncle Books right in the --(2)--.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully --(1)-- is and is loving every minute of his new home. He/she is actually famous now and has been featured on the show --(14)-- with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Okay here are the different madlibs filled in:

Foux du Faf‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Caleb. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my elbow in the cage to say hello, and Caleb freaked out, got scared and did a triple axel right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Caleb was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one ears. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Caleb still had its tail. We decided to keep Caleb, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Fuzzy Wuzzy but she was outvoted, we kept the name Caleb.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with sleeping sickness after he was bitten by a palmetto bug in the Amazon, poor guy. Caleb would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Caleb in it, we walked in and saw Caleb running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 59 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his elbow off and then stole his panties from the laundry basket. He had a time machine in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and drinking too much diet coke. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Caleb and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a chop until I intervened and jumped Uncle Books right in the head.
Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Caleb is and is loving every minute of the new home. Caleb is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Arthur with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Cathe‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Howard Carter. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my earlobe in the cage to say hello, and Howard Carter freaked out, got scared and did a figure eight right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Howard Carter was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one eyes. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Howard Carter still had its tongue. We decided to keep Howard Carter, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Jack but she was outvoted, we kept the name Howard Carter.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with chagas disease after he was bitten by a Triatoma Dimidiatas (Honduras bloodsucking insect) aka Kissing Bug in the Amazon, poor guy. Howard Carter would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Howard Carter in it, we walked in and saw Howard Carter running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 670616628.6 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his earlobe off and then stole his socks from the laundry basket. He had a tricorder in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and biting my nails. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Howard Carter and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a kick until I intervened and exonerated Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Howard Carter is and is loving every minute of the new home. Howard Carter is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dog Whisperer with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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d. moll, l.ac.‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was saturn. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my achilles tendon in the cage to say hello, and saturn freaked out, got scared and did a spin right there in front of us! Poor bunny, saturn was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one nostrils. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, saturn still had its brain. We decided to keep saturn, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Peter but she was outvoted, we kept the name saturn.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with tourettes after he was bitten by a soldier ant in the Amazon, poor guy. saturn would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with saturn in it, we walked in and saw saturn running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 768 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his achilles tendon off and then stole his towels from the laundry basket. He had a magic wand in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and slurping soup. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with saturn and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a round house kick until I intervened and giggled Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully saturn is and is loving every minute of the new home. saturn is actually famous now and has been featured on the show All Cratures Great and Small with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Clovie Boy‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Chew Chew. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my big toe in the cage to say hello, and Chew Chew freaked out, got scared and did a triple lutz right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Chew Chew was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one upper front teeth. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Chew Chew still had its tail. We decided to keep Chew Chew, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny bugs but she was outvoted, we kept the name Chew Chew.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with Leprechaunism after he was bitten by a Whirligig Beetle in the Amazon, poor guy. Chew Chew would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Chew Chew in it, we walked in and saw Chew Chew running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 3 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his big toe off and then stole his work shirt from the laundry basket. He had a automatic bathroom cleaner in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and spider solitaire. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Chew Chew and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a block until I intervened and raved Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Chew Chew is and is loving every minute of the new home. Chew Chew is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Animal Rescue with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Laura‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Boss. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my cheek in the cage to say hello, and Boss freaked out, got scared and did a quad right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Boss was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one chins. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Boss still had its rear end. We decided to keep Boss, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny Peter but she was outvoted, we kept the name Boss.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with fungus after he was bitten by a Rhinoceros Beetle in the Amazon, poor guy. Boss would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Boss in it, we walked in and saw Boss running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 85 miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his cheek off and then stole his jeans from the laundry basket. He had a self-cleaning house in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and indulging in chocolate. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Boss and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a kick until I intervened and rocketed Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Boss is and is loving every minute of the new home. Boss is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dr. Who with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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Jim‘s Madlib

The whole family decided that we wanted to get a pet, so being the dysfunction junction that we are, why not get a pet we know nothing about right? We chose a cuddly little bunny rabbit. We went to the animal shelter to look at all the buns, actually there was only one, and its name was Booby Rumpus. "Ohh how cute" I said, and leaned my jawbone in the cage to say hello, and Booby Rumpus freaked out, got scared and did a quadruple ass grab right there in front of us! Poor bunny, Booby Rumpus was a little crazy, we could tell, and only had one legs. Must have lost the other one in an accident. Thankfully, Booby Rumpus still had its rumpus. We decided to keep Booby Rumpus, and we took it home that night. My sister wanted to name the bunny His Royal Humpness but she was outvoted, we kept the name Booby Rumpus.

At home things were a little tricky, because we had Uncle Booker T. staying with us for a few months. He came down with Ebola Virus after he was bitten by a Hissing Cockroach in the Amazon, poor guy. Booby Rumpus would have to stay in his room because it was the only spare room in the house. That first night, we all heard screaming coming from the room with Booby Rumpus in it, we walked in and saw Booby Rumpus running around the perimeter of the room at a speed of roughly 4 zillion miles per hour, with Booker T. in tow. He was screaming that the bunny bit his jawbone off and then stole his smelly socks from the laundry basket. He had a hand held lightning rod in his hand and was trying to hit the bunny with it. The whole time I just sat there watching and picking up Baby Fwan. After a couple minutes, Booker T. caught up with Booby Rumpus and picked it up, he was about to hit the bunny with a crane kick until I intervened and smashed Uncle Books right in the head.

Sadly, Uncle Booker T. is not with us any longer, but thankfully Booby Rumpus is and is loving every minute of the new home. Booby Rumpus is actually famous now and has been featured on the show Dr. Phil with Baby Fwan (The Oscar Biting Actress from NY). What a trip!

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That's it so far, pretty funny for the first one. I will try to do this again soon if you guys like it. If not, then TOUGH!!!

The Bun Life - Bunny Madlibs are Funny Madlibs

I want all of you to contribute on this one. In case you don't know what a madlib is, it is basically a funny fill-in-the-blank story where you fill in the blanks before you actually read the story. You are asked to provide a list of 10 kinds of things. Then you fill in the story with the corresponding items and read it, usually they are funny. I loved these when I was older, as I've gotten younger I find myself wanting to do them more (uh..what?)

As you might have guessed, the madlibs are going to be bunny related, who'd a thunk it right? Baby Fwan wanted to make it about Polish Yahtzee, but I just didn't see too much of an audience for that.

So here is the deal. I will give you all a list of items you need to pick, and you comment with your results. When enough are in, I will then post the madlib and fill it in with everyone's answers. I think it should be pretty funny, especially with me writing the madlib, being the unreal comical god that I am. Okay, enough B.S. (that stands for Bachelor of Science), here is the list I need. be sure to number them when providing your answers.

1. Name you would name your bunny if you had to change its name.
2. Human body part
3. Figure skating trick
4. Part of a bunny they have two of
5. Part of a bunny they have one of
6. Bunny name you aren't fond of
7. Weird Tropical bug
8. Some crazy rare virus or disease
9. speed (in miles per hour)
10. Futuristic gadget noone has invented yet
11. karate move
12. Verb that ends in "ed" such as chopped, climbed, etc.
13. A bad habit of yours
14. TV show with animals in it
15. Item of laundry

That's it! Give me those 15 things and number them in your comment, when we have a good amount I will post the madlib story. I am sure you will get a great laugh of it. If you don't, I am sure I won't care very much either LOL!!!

The Bun Life - Update on the Fly Situation

I found out the source of my fly problem. It turns out it was the big mound of horse shit in the middle of the living room that was causing all this. Who knew? I racked my brain thinking of everything it could possibly be, fruit, Fwan's big fat smelly rumpus, my breath, but none of that checked out. Then I just happened to glance over at the 4 foot high steaming pile of horse shit, and a light bulb went off in my head, ding!!

Well, been shoveling all day, and all is well and...oh enough already...it was definitely fruit flies, like I suspected. My dad asked me to post on here because he said it made it sound like I was a slob with flies all over my place, no worries Dad, I am sure everyone still thinks I am a slob anyway. LOL. I think there is only like one fly left and he is holding on for dear life, hiding out in all the right places. I will get him, or the paper will get him, soon enough.

Baby Fwan doesn't smell either by the way, she is actually spotless, just like the other 2 bunnies. The carpet and free ranging help that. Sorry Baby Fwan, didn't mean to insult your rumpus, your pretty, fat, pumpernickel rumpus.

The Bun Life - These Damn Flies are Driving Me Insane!!

I have flies in my apartment, I don't know where they are coming from, I had some fruit pulp left out for a few days but since cleaned it up, but there are still like 9000 flies in my apartment. I went out last night and bought TAT fly paper rolls. My apartment looks like an insect lab for Fran's sake. One of the rolls has like 20 flies on it, eewwwwww!! I am real squeamish about bugs and critters and things. I HATE bugs, you could tell me I had to fight Mike Tyson in a bare knuckle cage match or I could get out of it by just letting a spider sit in my hand, and I would be going toe to toe with Tyson, trust me.

I searched the apartment, blocked the drains, the windows are closed, so if they are still getting in then it must be through the air conditioners. Hopefully the fly paper gets them all and that will be that. I unrolled one of the fly paper rolls and put in under the couch just for fun, and when I pulled it out an hour later I found two fat wabbits stuck to it!! Go figure!

Anyway, in bunny news, Little Nutjob Sydney has taken over half of the room completely now. I no longer have a bed, it is just a real big loveseat for him. Changing his water or litterbox is an exercise in self-destruction. He is like the movie Paranormal Activity, you never actually see him, you just have the ankle wounds to let you know he was really there. The other night I was so busy running away from him that I accidentally left his cage closed up, with the litterbox and everything inside, oops. I came back in like 2 hours later, he is standing by the cage door doing the pee-pee dance, "ooohhh hurry hurry hurry, I can't hold it anymore" At first I felt guilty, but after remembering all the Kamikaze ankle attacks, I chuckled in sweet revenge, payback is a bitch, ain't it little squibbles??. Ha! Poor thing, he ran right into the box and peed, all the while chewing on a piece of hay giving me the dirtiest angriest look a cute little rabbit could ever manage.

The Bun Life - Wabbits!!!

I wanted to vacuum my apartment yesterday. Sounds simple right? Ask any non-bunny person what they have to do to vacuum their apartment, they will just say, "Get out the vac, and go!" Yup, but not us, at least not me, not when you're life is controlled by a Pumpernickel Princess and her Evil White Knight. Anyway, they were under the couch when I got out the vac (huge shocker there), so I thought maybe I could just run the vac for a little bit before they came out. You see, Thumper is a certified electrician of the highest order, he likes to "fix" the vacuum wire (remember this?).

I had to vacuum no matter what, there was 12 inches of white and pumpernickel hair lining the entire apartment. If I was a weaver I would never have to leave the house for supplies, I could sell my own pumpernickel clothing line on Ebay. I could see it now, Pumpernickel Painter's Jeans by Baby Fwan of NY. Anyway, I start the vacuum up, and before i could even lift my foot to start vacuuming, the two fat wabbits came charging out from under the couch. Of course they run right to the vacuum, of which I have wound up the wire to by now. They chin the vacuum for 20 minutes, just in case any local intruding bunnies decide they want to claim the vacuum as their own, Thumper goes around back to make sure all the wiring is "fixed" but is quickly disappointed. Then they lay right in the middle of the room. Okay, uh uh, not happening. I am vacuuming, and this big fat Tumpie rabbits and Pumpernickel loaf are going to hang out in there cage while i do it.

I now have to somehow get these two into their crate, which is an extra large puppy pen, so it is not like a bunny burrito or anything. Thumper is the easy one, he has rocks in his head and can basically be convinced of anything at any time. I take a piece of carrot and lead him in there, he walks right in and I close the jail cell on him. If looks could kill I would be dead, he looked at me as if I was abandoning my only son in a foreign jail. "Come on! It's only for a minute Thumps!" Then he lived up to his name, a whole array of different thumps echoed throughout the apartment. I try to calm his thumping but he is pissed, oh well, tough rumpus. Then I had to get Baby Fwan into there too, this is a whole other matter, Baby Fwan is an ex-running back for the San Francisco Forty-Bunners, and she has not lost her moves I tell you. I finally, after 20 minutes, trap her and pick her up into my arms. I love holding my Baby Fwan, if only for 27 seconds. I put her in the cage with dopey, and close the door, then set off to vacuum. All is good right? I mean they are bonded tightly, right? I mean, it's not like there will be any problems, right? I wish.

I forgot to tell you what else Thumper is, a TOTAL bully. He pushes everyone around like he is the big fat kid on the playground. He even pushes me around! He stole my lunch money last Friday, I am really embarrassed about that, but that is another issue. When I go to feed them every morning, Thumper charges her while I am getting the food ready, he doesn't want her to have ANY, especially carrots. Anyway, in the cage I hear some ruckus, I see Thumper face humping poor Frannie. You know, I don't care what species you are, even human, face humping is an extremely intimate act that should be excised sparingly. Thumps doesn't get that part, that is his "handshake" with other bunnies, especially FEMALE bunnies. It's almost like he is this big fat pimp with a white mink coat on walking down 42nd street. Then he sees one of his ho's, I mean doe's, and "where my money (carrots)??" Then once she doesn't hand it over, on with the face humping. Not right Thumpus rumpus, not right.

So poor Fran starts running around the cage, in circles, to get away from the crazed Pimp Thumpus, and they start doing the circling thing, which all of us bunny people know is a prelude to biting and fur stripping, some people call it barbering but one time I saw Sydney snipping Frannie's bangs with a barber's scissor, so I kind of have a new meaning for the word barbering around here. BF and TR are going about 900 mph in circles, I almost was gonna put a little box of chocolate milk in the middle and see if the fat separates from the water like in the high-school biology centrifuge experiment, that's how fast they were going. So again I had to stop the vac, and release Frannie from the cage. I kept the pimp in the cage to cool his jets, and poor Fran ran under the couch, which really shocked me since she hardly ever goes under there.

Then I vacuumed, Frannie popped out a few times to make her position known to the vacuum. I couldn't help myself, I came towards her with the vacuum a few times :) She did her popcorn binkies to pop away from me, then went right back under the couch. What a day.

The Bun Life - Rosetta Bun, and other Goings On

Been about a week since I last posted, sorry, I have been real busy doing absolutely nothing. Actually, I have been busy really, I have been power juicing, after a good friend of mine recommended it, and I have really noticed the differences. I see the guy Jack Lalanne (spelling?) on TV juicing everything but the kitchen sink, and he is like 275 years old last time I checked, got me convinced. Anyway, it comes with a book of all kinds of different juice recipes, it lists the fruits and veggies you need to put in.

Strange thing happened the other day though, I went to grab the book and it was GONE, I couldn't find it anywhere. Then a day later the book suddenly reappeared back on the counter. It had a bite mark, of two buck teeth, on the top right corner, and it appears a page had been added. It was real obvious that it was added recently, it was all taped in. Anyway it had a new recipe in it, the drink was called, "Pumpernickel Passion" and the ingredients were as follows:

6 barrels of fresh carrots (the kind Bambi eats)
2 Bananas
6 more barrels of carrots
A few more carrots
Oh, did I mention carrots??
3 "sprigs" of couch stuffing


Gee, my first thought, obviously, was, "What the hell is a sprig?" Anyway, I have no idea who could have put this recipe in there, do you?? Pumpernickel Passion, jesus Baby Fwan, could you make it anymore obvious? Anyway. I am not making that stupid drink anyway. I have something more incredible (and just as meaningless) to tell you.

Ever see that commercial on TV for Rosetta Stone? Software that teaches you any language you want to learn from home? Well, I found out that Baby Fwan has learned Spanish in her spare time! I know, like you, the first thing I thought was, "How do you say Pumpernickel in Spanish?" I really don't know. Maybe, El Pumpernickel, or Los Pumpernickelos, or La Pumpernickela? Anyway, so Baby Fwan speaks Spanish now. I am jealous because now she is the only one that can communicate with the landscapers now. She is probably telling them to stuff her in a leaf bucket on the down low.

Well, the good thing is that Frannie knows how to tell me, in Spanish, that she is going to the Library, that the teacher is very nice, the car is very big, and her perm was $200.00. That info might save her life one day.

Now that we are on the topic of the military (we are?), I saw a show on TV called War Dogs, not the same one as before, but one from World War II. They talk about how the dogs had helped weed out the Japanese dug into the island tunnels and stuff, very brave stuff. I wonder how bunnies would have fit into that whole "service for the country" thing? I can see Baby Fwan, the night before being shipped out to Okinawa, asking everyone else "Do Japanese people like to pick up bunnies?" She won't care about the tanks and bullets, or even the War Dogs, just wants to know if anyone is gonna pick her up.

Bunnies, what would we do without them?

The Bun Life - Officially Warned

I received an email from someone in one of the rabbit groups in NY. She told me that the pictures of Frannie on the couch were not funny, she could die from eating couch stuffing, and my captions are not funny, and that I should consider that an "Official Warning". Okay, after about 35 minutes of straight laughing my @$$ off, my mind started to wander.

Since the warning came in an "official" capacity, I assume there is some kind of elite special forces unit on call that can be anywhere in the world with 24 hours notice. Kind of like the Delta Force, but for rabbit law enforcement. I could see them getting a page from their commander, who might be stationed at Fort Petco or some stupid thing. The page would read something like this:

"Emergency Warrant Issued. Suspect has fat pumpernickel bunny ingesting couch stuffing at a phenomenal rate. Mission is to rescue fat pumpernickel bunny, couch, and if there is time, the white bunny (so that fat pumpernickel bunny doesn't get "lonely"). Use of deadly force is authorized, only on suspect though, not on fat pumpernickel bunny. God speed gentlemen."

I could just see it now. 3 AM and all is asleep here. Then the bunny special forces crash through my door. Tearing the place up looking for the bunnies. Little do they know that they are under the couch though. Maybe I pull a weapon and start to put up a fight, then they have to retreat, form a perimeter, and start negotiations. I will keep my buns as hostages. The negotiator will say after a while, "Is there anything you guys need in there" as a way to start negotiations. Yeah, we need 50 pound bag of hay, 6 pound bag of pellets, 3 bags of care fresh, 100 mini carrots, 14 bags of couch stuffing from Bed Bath and Beyond, 27 heads of romaine lettuce, 4 bushels (is that a word?) of Basil, 2 gaggles of geese, and 4 apples. The negotiator would be like, "Okay, give us about a week, we just have to rent an 18 wheeler to get all this crap. They likely would just bomb the place to save themselves the hassle. LOL. I can just see them talking to each other, "Man, who knew you had to buy that much crap to take care of a few bunnies??"

Too funny, just for the record though, Franny can't get on my couch anymore, and when she did she never ate any stuffing, she just pulls it out. Not that it is anyone's business what my bunnies do anyway, but just in case anyone is curious.

The Bun Life - Gymnist Bunny

Well instead of writing any more depressing crap, I figured I would tell you what I did with Syd. Now that Fuzzy's side of the room is vacant, I decided that I could fence off the computer area and let Syd be free range where he can go on the bed, around the room, and stuff like that. Well, I set it up and let him out, then sat at my desk to work. The whole time I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye doing leaps, somersalts onto the bed, triple flips (okay thats a lie), and he even went onto the uneven parallel bars for a minute, great landing too. He is now ultra psycho crazy bunny. What a nutjob! I almost pee my pants watching him enjoying the heck out of running around again. I wanted something positive to come out of this, and now with Syd being free it has. BTW, he is perfectly litter trained, he NEVER pees or poops anywhere but the box, pretty amazing actually.

The Bun Life - R.I.P. Fuzzby

My poor Fuzz was put to sleep tonight at Catnip and Carrots. I got home last night and saw that she looked worse than usual. I brought her to the vet and the Doc said she has some kind of cancer, then she euthanized her with me right there holding her head. I have never lost a bun or put an animal to sleep before. It is absolutely horrible and extremely painful. I practically had a stroke in the vet's office I was so upset, now I am numb.

I just want to tell Fuzzby that I love you and hope you are in heaven running around with no more pain. I am sorry humanity is 95% worthless and only care about houses, money, and cars, and neglect and abuse animals that need them. The other 5% do what we can to make up for it, but we can't be everywhere all the time, and I hope that you are going to a much better place.

Thanks Fuzzby for being in my life, even though your stay with me was full of medical crap. If I knew all this back then I would still have taken you in. Rest in peace Fuzzles.

Jim