After the cage was cleaned out last night, cardboard was placed throughout along with computer printing paper that I like to use because it has no ink and wont stain their feet. Then I sat down and was gonna watch a movie. Now mind you, the cage is to my left and mere 6 feet.
I swear, from the very nano second that the DVD started, and all the way to the last credit at the end, Frannie spent the entire time biting, chewing, thrashing, and shredding every piece of paper and cardboard in the damn cage. Then she hopped in the litterbox and ate about 12 pounds of hay all by herself, I guess so Thumper wouldn't have any when he went in it.
I had taken off my shoes and socks before the movie started, and after the movie ended, which I heard none of by the way, I leaned over to put my socks and shoes on. Well, now I have one sock, not two. Would you believe that Frannie dragged it under the couch with her. I was wondering what was being chewed and ripped while she was under there. I assumed she was eating the couch from the inside out like she always does, nope. My sock was history.
Then I go to give them a carrot each, and Frannie takes hers and eats it, then runs up and grabs Thumper's carrot and ran away with it under the cardboard mazes I have. I still don't know who won that incident, but someone did.
Then I come home from the store, and I hear a scratching sound coming from the towel linen closet. I opened it up and out hopped Frannie, she must have broke in there and then I closed the door by mistake. No danger or anything, it has lights and decent room. But it is definitely off limits so I was surprised to see her there.
Then I wanted to run the Shop Vac, so I had to pen them in with a playpen for a few minutes so they don't chew the wire. I took a bowl of some pellets and placed it down in the middle of the playpen, of course Thumper strolled right into the pen and I closed it off so I could keep them separate for the 5 minutes or so. I did the same food trick with Frannie, and she was giving me one of those looks that a dog gives you when he is uncertain of what he is hearing. You know, where they crook their head sideways to try and determine what it is you want.
Well, Fran sat still as a stone with that look towards me. She was telling me that there was no way in hell she was going in the pen. I ultimately snuck up on her ten minuites later and got her in the pen, but man what a hassle! Who knew one pumpernickel bunny could cause this much chaos, lol? I just marvel at how rabbits have the 411 on everything in their domain. They know every fiber, twig, corner, and crumb and where they should each be at any given time. Anything different, I mean anything, and they are immediately aware of it. I guess they are like that due to being at the bottom of the food chain.
The Bun Life - You Know the Economy is Bad When You See This..
Wow, I can't believe I finally have to go through with this sale, but we need the money for Sydney's dental work, he is getting two gold teeth implanted next week. Boy, this is what they call "Roughin it" right?
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The Bun Life - Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave
If you watch TV ever, then you will at some point see commercials advertising the website Ancestry.com and the things that people find out about their ancestors on there. They usually feature some people who talk about heroes they were related to, or their Uncle was born a slave and died a businessman. It was really touching at some parts; both I and Baby Fwan needed at least one Kleenex when it came on. Anyway, to get back to my pointless story, me and the buns (or the buns and I, or myself and thy group of buns, or more formal I could say Thy Buns and Thyself) decided to sign-up there and see what’s what. After all, they say that “you don’t need to know exactly what you are looking for; you just have to start looking.” Kinda like copping drugs in the city. Anyway, here is what we have learned about us so far:
Myself
I found out that my brother’s uncle’s adopted illegitimate son’s neighbor’s son actually cared for the dog who was once owned by the adopted son’s Great Great Uncle, who was related, through marriage, to the late Siamese twin sister of the owner of Pap’s Bakery, whose mother once prostituted herself to the famous Nostradamus, after his family died of the Black Plague of course. I can’t tell you how honored I feel that I am so closely related to a prophetic legend. Oh and I found out that my fifth removed Grandfather was Vito Corleone’s right-hand man. I mean that literally; when he knew him Vito Corleone didn’t have a right hand, so he needed my great granddad to do all of the tasks that he couldn’t then do with his own right-hand. I can only speak for myself, but I think $400.00 a month for the next twelve years on my Amex card is a miniscule amount in exchange for finding out your true roots.
Thumper
Poor Thumps, we found out that his entire extended family (about 1200 people), going back almost 900 years, had a combined I.Q. of only 34. This had devastating effects on the confidence of Thumper’s relatives, one of them was stabbed in a drive by, one got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s, and one even got fired from the jigsaw puzzle factory for throwing out all the broken puzzles that were in pieces. Poor Thumps was born, but his mother didn’t realize she was supposed to keep the baby, so she just handed him over for adoption, along with his 43 other twins born that day. I hate to admit it, but anyone related to Thumper was doomed to spend an eternity of being stupid. Poor Thumps.
Baby Fwan
Following Baby Fwan’s lineage was one of the more interesting ones that I did. I found out that both of Frannie’s parents were Polish Yahtzee champions, who toured Poland during the 1950’s and ..uh..well..play Polish Yahtzee I guess. Incredibly, Frannie’s Great Great Great Grandmother Aunt Gertrude, was genetically altered, having her DNA spliced with the nucleus from a pumpernickel bagel, thus creating the interesting characteristics we see on Frannie today. Apparently, having steel wool for whiskers was a totally unexpected turn out. They felt she was worth the trouble, so they turned a blind eye to the mistakes. When Fran was young, her aunt and the cast of Different Strokes robbed a string of nursing homes at gun point, very troubling. Also, all of the women in Frannie’s side were fat just like Frannie is, and 60% of them also had detachable flying ears as well, so I thought that was pretty neat. One thing I realized from all this, is that I finally realized all of the realizations I had been putting off for a while, and now I finally realize it and I’m putting a stop to it.
Sydney aka “Public Bunny Enemy Number One” aka “Sydney the Bull” aka “The Great Dwarf Hope” aka “The Netherland Crusher” aka “Get ‘r Bun”
Last but certainly not least is the little guy, aka Dr. Freckles and Mr. Jive because of his two-face reputation. It turns out that Sydney is related, by blood, to a retarded African Chimpanzee named “Wee Wee”. I know I know, it is sounds crazy, but hear me out, it’s true. Wee Wee frequently charges at her gate head first and totally sacrifices his body for the ultimate prize, which is killing you :) The rest of Syd’s family tree got uprooted by Hurricane Muhammad, so my research ended there, a shame but what can I do right?
Boy, this sure is a small world when you have a gaggle of booby rabbits.
Myself
I found out that my brother’s uncle’s adopted illegitimate son’s neighbor’s son actually cared for the dog who was once owned by the adopted son’s Great Great Uncle, who was related, through marriage, to the late Siamese twin sister of the owner of Pap’s Bakery, whose mother once prostituted herself to the famous Nostradamus, after his family died of the Black Plague of course. I can’t tell you how honored I feel that I am so closely related to a prophetic legend. Oh and I found out that my fifth removed Grandfather was Vito Corleone’s right-hand man. I mean that literally; when he knew him Vito Corleone didn’t have a right hand, so he needed my great granddad to do all of the tasks that he couldn’t then do with his own right-hand. I can only speak for myself, but I think $400.00 a month for the next twelve years on my Amex card is a miniscule amount in exchange for finding out your true roots.
Thumper
Poor Thumps, we found out that his entire extended family (about 1200 people), going back almost 900 years, had a combined I.Q. of only 34. This had devastating effects on the confidence of Thumper’s relatives, one of them was stabbed in a drive by, one got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s, and one even got fired from the jigsaw puzzle factory for throwing out all the broken puzzles that were in pieces. Poor Thumps was born, but his mother didn’t realize she was supposed to keep the baby, so she just handed him over for adoption, along with his 43 other twins born that day. I hate to admit it, but anyone related to Thumper was doomed to spend an eternity of being stupid. Poor Thumps.
Baby Fwan
Following Baby Fwan’s lineage was one of the more interesting ones that I did. I found out that both of Frannie’s parents were Polish Yahtzee champions, who toured Poland during the 1950’s and ..uh..well..play Polish Yahtzee I guess. Incredibly, Frannie’s Great Great Great Grandmother Aunt Gertrude, was genetically altered, having her DNA spliced with the nucleus from a pumpernickel bagel, thus creating the interesting characteristics we see on Frannie today. Apparently, having steel wool for whiskers was a totally unexpected turn out. They felt she was worth the trouble, so they turned a blind eye to the mistakes. When Fran was young, her aunt and the cast of Different Strokes robbed a string of nursing homes at gun point, very troubling. Also, all of the women in Frannie’s side were fat just like Frannie is, and 60% of them also had detachable flying ears as well, so I thought that was pretty neat. One thing I realized from all this, is that I finally realized all of the realizations I had been putting off for a while, and now I finally realize it and I’m putting a stop to it.
Sydney aka “Public Bunny Enemy Number One” aka “Sydney the Bull” aka “The Great Dwarf Hope” aka “The Netherland Crusher” aka “Get ‘r Bun”
Last but certainly not least is the little guy, aka Dr. Freckles and Mr. Jive because of his two-face reputation. It turns out that Sydney is related, by blood, to a retarded African Chimpanzee named “Wee Wee”. I know I know, it is sounds crazy, but hear me out, it’s true. Wee Wee frequently charges at her gate head first and totally sacrifices his body for the ultimate prize, which is killing you :) The rest of Syd’s family tree got uprooted by Hurricane Muhammad, so my research ended there, a shame but what can I do right?
Boy, this sure is a small world when you have a gaggle of booby rabbits.
The Bun Life – Adventures of Bun Life Buns, Installment One
I am sure you always wondered what your bunnies would say if they could speak to you or one another in English, right? Well, either way, I have quite a few thoughts on how their conversations would flesh out, so without further a due, I present The Adventures of Bun Life Buns Installment One:
BF=Baby Fwan, TR= Thumper
BF: “Hey Thumps, over here you idiot! No, not over there, OVER HERE. I can’t believe this, how can you not find me when we are in the same room together?”
TR: “Duh, well, I am tracking your voice, not looking for you visually as much. Still can’t find you, let me try this – MARCO!”
BF: “Oh god, how stupid. …POLO!”
TR: “MARCO!”
BF: “POLO! For Pete’s sake! I see you, I am directly to your left!”
TR: “Where? I don’t see you at all. MARCO!!”
BF: “Your LEFT, not RIGHT! Your other side!”
TR: “Oh, hey, now I see you. MARCO!”
BF: “Stop saying MARCO, you found me already.”
TR: “Okay, gees, talk about grumpy. I swear, all you pumpernickel women have zero patience.”
BF: “Well, it is better than having zero of everything else, like you.”
TR: “Whatever, lets spoon over here in front of the TV, this way we can watch each other’s backs, in case Jim tries to pick us up or something.”
BF: “Okay.”
--------- 2 Hours Pass ----------
BF: “Thumps, wake up, let’s switch positions, the carpet is practically roasting my belly.”
TR: “Duhh, fine I guess. Hey you feel like chewing up anything of Jim’s? Maybe some computer or speaker wires maybe?”
BF: “No, you know I have my Picker Upper’s Anonymous meeting tonight, so why are you even asking? Wait, I take that back, you’re stupid so it makes perfect sense that you forgot already.”
TR: “Whatever. How is that going by the way? Get your 7-day chip tonight?”
BF: “Yeah, been a whole 7 days since I was last picked up, I am hesitant to celebrate, since this is my 60th 7-day chip. Oh well, I’ll make the most of it.”
TR: “Listen, you should be proud, you can’t help it if Jim or someone else picks you up really. Well, you can, but if they get to pick you up after a chase, then you’ve done your best and should leave it up to your higher power.”
BF: “Higher power? Who would that be, the House Rabbit Society, or the Bunny Buddha?”
TR: “Whoever you want to believe it is, it is imperative that you believe your own bullshit brainwashing, so that you can heal.”
BF: “Okay, enough already, can we talk about something else please? How is the renovation under the couch going, making good progress?”
TR: “Not a whole lot, we can only run the power tools when Jim is asleep or not home, so chances have been minimal. We did get 90% of the stuffing underneath removed.”
BF: “Now you know that was my doing, stop trying to take credit for it.”
TR: “We have agreed on a cease-fire with El Lunatico in the other room though, I am trying to create a good rapport with him, but it is slow going. He is such a psycho that I have trouble even having a civilized conversation with him. I swear, as soon as I walk up to the gate, he starts charging and showing his teeth. I tell you, even though he weighs only 3 ounces, he is a brave little SOB. He don’t scare me though, he has no idea I won three consecutive Golden Paws titles when I was in the service.”
BF: “Service?”
TR: “Yeah, I was a member of the Bunny Brigades back in ’73, but I don’t like to talk about it.”
BF: “God, you are such a numbskull, and now a pathological liar on top of it. Man, if Jim only knew how big of a contrast there is between your fluffy white coat and your horrible character. Sometimes I don’t know why we even got bonded.”
TR: “You have no idea how much that day meant to me though. What day was that again?”
…To Be Continued
The Bun Life - Happy New Year, & the Extras That Come WIth Living in an Apartment Complex
2011, wow, what a shock. It feels like only yesterday it was 2010, boy time flies when you could care less about anything. Anyway, I figured I would share this "situation" I have living in my apartment here. You see, I have neighbors of course, to my left, to my right, and above. The left and right ones are transparent like me, never make a sound beyond the normal daily living quirks. But the ones above, a couple in their 30's, are totally different. Just to note, they are actually really nice and friendly, and always have a smile and a friendly greeting when I see them. However, it is not seeing them that is the issue, it is hearing them. By the sounds of things, you would think they were taping the sequel to Boogie Nights up there. At least 5 or 6 times a week, they go at it, and go at it, and go at it. I don't know where they find time for anything else. I wouldn't even notice, had they not have their room right above my living room. Call me crazy, but I know for sure that they know I can hear them, because more than once I have tried to make it known such as saying in passing, "Up late last night huh?" or something to that effect. They just smile and nod or whatever, but that is as far as the conversation goes.
Talk about weird, I've almost grown accustomed to it, and have even started to schedule my nights around their prime time romping. I was thinking of inviting people over, charging them twenty bucks each, hire a bouncer, and even start a website, you know, make a night of it. Recently things have started to take a bizarre turn in the Playboy mansion upstairs though. Evidently there has been some role playing going on, I think so because a lot of the conversation makes no sense. For example, the wife couldn't have "just got home from cheerleading practice" because she graduated a long time ago. Damn pre-verts. I feel like yelling one night, "Come on, for Christ's sake, we have young bunnies down here!" I wonder sometimes who she is talking to, me or him, I find myself answering her questions, "you like that?" then from my apartment, "Yup! Just like that!" Okay, that is a lie, but it could happen! On the weekends there seems to be an overtime session as well, afterwards even I need a cigarette, and I don't smoke. Okay, back to work here, I sure hope none of this is added to my rent. :)
Talk about weird, I've almost grown accustomed to it, and have even started to schedule my nights around their prime time romping. I was thinking of inviting people over, charging them twenty bucks each, hire a bouncer, and even start a website, you know, make a night of it. Recently things have started to take a bizarre turn in the Playboy mansion upstairs though. Evidently there has been some role playing going on, I think so because a lot of the conversation makes no sense. For example, the wife couldn't have "just got home from cheerleading practice" because she graduated a long time ago. Damn pre-verts. I feel like yelling one night, "Come on, for Christ's sake, we have young bunnies down here!" I wonder sometimes who she is talking to, me or him, I find myself answering her questions, "you like that?" then from my apartment, "Yup! Just like that!" Okay, that is a lie, but it could happen! On the weekends there seems to be an overtime session as well, afterwards even I need a cigarette, and I don't smoke. Okay, back to work here, I sure hope none of this is added to my rent. :)
The Bun Life - Fran Responds To "Disaster Plan" Post
I just got this in my inbox from Baby Fwan. I always wonder how annoying it must be for her to type, I bet she constantly hits the CAPS LOCK key by accident with her dew claw. Hey maybe it is "do claw" and not "dew claw" because it is there for them to "do" something with, like press the CAPS LOCK key, on purpose I mean. Unlikely, yes, but possible. Anyway, oh yeah, Frannie's email:
Dear Jim (Is it spelled j-i-m or g-y-m?),
Read your post about the disaster plan. Honestly, I don't see what is so funny about it, you talk about us like we are the laughing stock of the whole neighborhood. Maybe Thumper is because he is so stupid, but don't group us together just because we sleep under the same couch together. The relationship is totally tectonic, or is it hooked on phonics? No, wait, I think it is platonic, right? Which one means 'I am attracted to this bun by negative 5000%'? I think it is platonic. Anyway, just out of curiosity, can you fill in a blank for me and tell me exactly what happens between you "getting the stun baton" and "picking me up unconscious"? You scare me, I hope those are empty threats.
So yeah, we all basically think that, in the event of a disaster, we are totally screwed. Not only because you decided to adopt 9 trillion bunny rabbits, but your severely limited intelligence makes it virtually impossible. Not to mention El Dumbo over here, he would jump off a bridge if I told him to. But we can't give up Gym, if we do then the terrorists win, so lets keep our Terror Alert Level at yellow for now, and we can play it by year, or is it by ear? Oh whatever, this English language is a pain in the ass.
Best,
BF ::(
The Bun Life - Disaster! Are You Prepared? Do You Have a Disaster Plan??
Ads on TV and in magazines keep saying that it is absolutely imperative that you have a disaster plan all laid out, just in case of a ..well….disaster. I surfed around online and talked to some people here and there just to see if any of them had their disaster plan all set and ready to go, just in case, and quite a few of them said that they did and that it doesn’t have to be very complicated, it just needs to have everyone agreeing on what to do, where to go, etc. I decided that I needed one of ‘dem ‘dare plans, and asked for a copy of one of theirs to use as a reference. Here is the plan they gave me:
- If possible, find out where everyone is, and set a plan to reacquaint as soon as possible.
- Figure out what is going on, if need be, turn on TV or radio to see if there is a broadcast.
- Gather emergency kit (blankets, batteries, coats, medicine, food, etc.).
- Figure out where danger resides and head in the opposite direction if you can, bring reserve gas for car if operable.
- Travel until safe, temporarily at least, then decide on long term objective.
This sounds real straight forward, and I imagine that my plan would look just like this; of course, I mean if I didn’t have 3 bunnies that is. However, let’s face it, I do have 3 bunnies. So I drew up my own disaster plan, one which accommodates my exact situation.
- Find out where immediate family is.
- Wake up Fran and Thumps, will most likely need to turn the couch over to get them up.
- Chase Sydney around the bedroom for 15 minutes until I can grab him, move the Fort Knox of gates and pens I have in the bedroom so I can get Syd out.
- Get both carriers out from the different closets.
- While holding Syd, place fresh towels on the bottom of each carrier, dark color for Syd, light for the other two.
- Get some hay from the closet and place some on top of the towels in each carrier.
- Attach a water bottle to each carrier with clips, etc.
- Stuff Syd into his carrier and close it.
- Go into living room and place Frannie’s and Thumper’s carrier in the center of the room with the door open.
- Wait the 2 seconds until Thumper climbs in and lies down.
- Pretend that I am going in the bathroom and hide around the corner to see if Fran will fall for it and hop in carrier.
- Once she doesn’t go in, chase her around the apartment for 30 to 45 minutes.
- Get the Stun Baton from the closet, and approach Fran.
- Pick Frannie up while she is still unconscious, and stuff her pumpernickel ass into the carrier with Thumps.
- Gather some medicines for the rabbits, like Revo and Simethicone, etc.
- Pack up some bags of pellets, and a bag or two of fresh hay.
- Start washing different greens for the rabbits. Let them dry, then pack the greens.
- To avert boredom and endless chewing, be sure to pack up one of those Cottontail Cottages.
- Cut out a small section of the couch to calm Frannie if she should get homesick.
- Pull the car around.
- Put some antiseptic on all the claw wounds from the bunnies.
- Bandage up wounds.
- Pack Syd in the front seat.
- Strap and buckle in Syd’s carrier.
- Pack Frannie, Thumps, and the 43 bags of rabbit supplies into the back.
- Attach a trailer in order to store the gates, playpens, cardboard boxes, and cages for the buns.
- Load the trailer with all of the pens and stuff.
- Strap and buckle in Frannie’s and Thumper’s carrier.
- Attach sign to back bumper that reads, “Caution: We Brake for Buns at All Railroad Crossings”
- Pray to god that spending 31 hours packing the bunnies up doesn’t eat up any chance we had of surviving.
Alrighty then, not exactly the fast action, simple plan that I expected, you think it is a tad too long? Gee, I hope I never have to use it!
The Bun Life - MSNBC's New Show "To Catch a Predator" Remix Idea
On occasion I find myself watching the "To Catch a Predator" series with MSNBC's Chris Hanson, you know, the one where they pose as 13 year old kids and see who is willing to come over their house to have sex with them. Yeah, that one. The fact that these guys want to have sex with young teenage girls doesn't surprise me a whole lot. After all, most of us have our first sexual experiences when we are that age, so it is natural to want to recapture that moment, notice how I said "want" to recapture it, and not "willing to show up at a 13 year old kid's house intent on having sex with her. Memories and fantasy, and reality, in this type of situation are far different. A percentage of these guys are ill and don't posses the restraint normal healthy people have, that fine line between reality and fantasy is blurred for them. Then you have the percentage of them that are all around scumbags and predators, which is a large percentage unfortunately. To be honest, I was shocked at how many of these guys actually can convince themselves to go through with this. Society's exploitation of young people I feel contributes to the aberration of these guys, everywhere you look you see underwear ads with 14 and 15 year old girls/boys posing in provocative poses. Why would the companies do that? There is only one reason that makes any sense, they know that sex sells and they are pushing their brand with the sex vehicle, anything else is pure bullshit.
The sheer volume of willing participants that show up at these places is mind boggling. These guys are willing to risk EVERYTHING, family, friends, money, jobs, freedom, and anything else just to have that outside chance of a face to face encounter and real experience. That saddens me, I do admit I love watching their face change when the camera crew comes out, uh-oh, life's about to change drastically huh?
NOTE ADDED: I browsed the archives for a couple hours about all the different guys they have caught, man a lot of these guys are downright scary, amazing how after all the individual stings that there is a growing interest and willingness to chance a meeting by these pervs. Thank god I have no children.
2ND NOTE ADDED: Holy shit, just saw the one where the Indian guy stripped and walked in naked asking to watch the teen have sex with the cat with Cool Whip. Its a good thing this guy isn't crazy, otherwise who knows what other shit he woulda brought to the house. I think that guy owns an Amoco by me, or 7-Eleven, or some other terrorist franchise that keep cropping up. Now I wonder what kind of job prospects that guy will have in the US after all this. I imagine he might find some resistance in the job market. Maybe he could include some clips of him chasing down the cat with his willy hanging out on MSNBC. I am sure some terrorist cell or Amoco/Mobil/7-Eleven would be eager to hire a go getter like that, just don't let him bunny sit.
So obviously most of you reading this will understand perfectly why this segment belongs in a rabbit blog, right? Of course. Rabbits and Cho-Mo's go together like biscuits and gravy, wait the biscuit girl told me she was 31, that cake I bought her in my car is for her "31st" Birthday, not her 13th Birthday like you think, I got the 3 and the 1 mixed up, I am Dis Lexus I think, or bass ackwards, I forgot which.
So, the point of my post, I got to thinking how I could work the rabbit angle into this. I got the idea of Baby Fwan starting her own show and sting operation, she would call it "To Catch a Picker Upper". Bare with me here, be brave. Baby Fwan and I would troll (new word I learned in Serial Killer class, it is short for "patrolling", Christ, I am sharp ain't I?) the web and we would try to lure men/women over to my apartment by promising them a face to face meeting with Baby Fwan, and here is where the felony part comes in, we would promise them a chance to pick up Baby Fwan AT WILL. Scandalous I know, but extreme measures require extreme ..uhh...bunnies..I guess?? Anyway, I would portray Baby Fwan, be the decoy kinda, and tell them how fat and fluffy I am with a "sensuous pumpernickel coat" and all. Who could resist at that point? I might even throw up some pics of BF when she wasn't so fat. Then when the chumps get here, I would tape them picking up Baby Fwan, then confront them with the rest of the troops. Then call all their friends back home and show them how they have the brass pair to come to a strange bunny's house and just pick her up without at least wining and dining her first. Bastards!! I am gonna write the pilot tomorrow, right after I get my Prozac adjusted, and NO, this has NOTHING to do with it!!
The sheer volume of willing participants that show up at these places is mind boggling. These guys are willing to risk EVERYTHING, family, friends, money, jobs, freedom, and anything else just to have that outside chance of a face to face encounter and real experience. That saddens me, I do admit I love watching their face change when the camera crew comes out, uh-oh, life's about to change drastically huh?
NOTE ADDED: I browsed the archives for a couple hours about all the different guys they have caught, man a lot of these guys are downright scary, amazing how after all the individual stings that there is a growing interest and willingness to chance a meeting by these pervs. Thank god I have no children.
2ND NOTE ADDED: Holy shit, just saw the one where the Indian guy stripped and walked in naked asking to watch the teen have sex with the cat with Cool Whip. Its a good thing this guy isn't crazy, otherwise who knows what other shit he woulda brought to the house. I think that guy owns an Amoco by me, or 7-Eleven, or some other terrorist franchise that keep cropping up. Now I wonder what kind of job prospects that guy will have in the US after all this. I imagine he might find some resistance in the job market. Maybe he could include some clips of him chasing down the cat with his willy hanging out on MSNBC. I am sure some terrorist cell or Amoco/Mobil/7-Eleven would be eager to hire a go getter like that, just don't let him bunny sit.
So obviously most of you reading this will understand perfectly why this segment belongs in a rabbit blog, right? Of course. Rabbits and Cho-Mo's go together like biscuits and gravy, wait the biscuit girl told me she was 31, that cake I bought her in my car is for her "31st" Birthday, not her 13th Birthday like you think, I got the 3 and the 1 mixed up, I am Dis Lexus I think, or bass ackwards, I forgot which.
So, the point of my post, I got to thinking how I could work the rabbit angle into this. I got the idea of Baby Fwan starting her own show and sting operation, she would call it "To Catch a Picker Upper". Bare with me here, be brave. Baby Fwan and I would troll (new word I learned in Serial Killer class, it is short for "patrolling", Christ, I am sharp ain't I?) the web and we would try to lure men/women over to my apartment by promising them a face to face meeting with Baby Fwan, and here is where the felony part comes in, we would promise them a chance to pick up Baby Fwan AT WILL. Scandalous I know, but extreme measures require extreme ..uhh...bunnies..I guess?? Anyway, I would portray Baby Fwan, be the decoy kinda, and tell them how fat and fluffy I am with a "sensuous pumpernickel coat" and all. Who could resist at that point? I might even throw up some pics of BF when she wasn't so fat. Then when the chumps get here, I would tape them picking up Baby Fwan, then confront them with the rest of the troops. Then call all their friends back home and show them how they have the brass pair to come to a strange bunny's house and just pick her up without at least wining and dining her first. Bastards!! I am gonna write the pilot tomorrow, right after I get my Prozac adjusted, and NO, this has NOTHING to do with it!!
The Bun Life - Poor Thumps is a Paranoid Schiz
Been awhile since I posted last, but I do that for a reason. I hate reading someone’s blog who writes just to throw anything up to make the blog feel like a daily active blog. If I don’t have anything funny to write, or am just not feeling the groove, I will wait until I do. Anyway, that is my two cents. Now, let’s get down to business and talk about what really is important in life: wabbits. Well, not just any rabbit, but the white pillow that disguises itself as bunny named Thumps. I swear, if you pet his fur, he is pure albino white lop and has the softest plush coat I have ever seen (well, there was that European chick I dated a while back, but that is irrelevant).
Anyway, being an albino, Thumps scans the room all day long, and reacts to all of the things he thinks he sees. In humans this is called “friggin delusional psycho”. Thumper does have one other strike against him and that’s a horrible illness called “Stupidity”. Poor Rumpus, I love him to death, but it seems we caught the illness in the farthest most advanced stage. It could be terminal, which means that Thumps would suffer from chronic dumbness for the remainder of his life. This has been causing me great pains in my stomach, oh wait that was only gas.
So, to make a real short story long and drawn out, my power went out last night for like 20 minutes, I thought it might be a blown fuse, but I had Frannie check the fuse box and to test every switch for continuity with her Radio Shack electronics tool set. She did, wasn’t the fuse box, at least I think that is what she said, it is tough to understand her sometimes with that heavy Italian accent. So here I am with my bunnies in the pitch black. I go out to my car and get my heavy duty MAG lite flashlight so I can see what I am doing until my eyes can adjust fully.
It didn’t take me long to realize the strange behavior Thumps was exhibiting. He was chasing the target areas which I shined the flashlight on all over the room. He was running laps around the room, and every time he chased it he would do a half-assed binky, kind of like a practice type binky. I immediately shutoff the flashlight when I saw the impact it was having on Thumps……….NOT! Yeah Right, I decided to squeeze this rare moment for all it was worth, I had poor Thumps doing cartwheels, backflips, and he even “Walked Like an Egyptian” for a while. Then when he tired down I shut the flashlight off, would you believe that the second I shut the flashlight off the power came back on? Talk about ironic huh?
The whole time this was happening, Baby Fwan watched in amusement. Those two are like 2 peas in a pod, 2 musketeers, 2 ships passing in the night (one ship would be handsome, but dumber than dirt; and the other ship would have an ugly paint job, different colored parts from different types of ships, the whole crew would be scared of getting picked up, etc. lol.
The Bun Life - A Fwan in the Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush...err...Under the Couch I Mean
Baby Fwan is incredible I tell you. She is absolutely brilliant as far as rabbits go. She knows exactly what she can do, what she can't, what she should get Thumper to do first, when I am in "pick her up" mode, and when I am doing something else. Like tonight for example, she and Thumps were laying by the TV, pretty much welded to one another. I was cleaning up around them, at times I was even picking up stuff right near them. Walking by, the whole nine yards, and I tell you Frannie didn't so much as move a muscle, or even an earlobe. I scratched her ears and pet her head. Then I thought that now would be a good time to brush Frannie. So, doing nothing different, I walked into the kitchen and got out my towel, which the buns are at least 20 feet from me by now and blocked by the wall. I waltz out into the living room and what do I see? Now there is only ONE bunny..yup..Tumps. Frannie all but packed up and took a flight to Brazil by now.
So I commit a cardinal sin. I lift the couch up. Once that happens, it is game on. I don't care who you are, you ain't catching her, it is absolutely impossible. If I am really determined, I might be able to pen her in after about 30 minutes. Not only does she know EVERY inch of my apartment, but she knows exactly what my weaknesses are. She knows what I am willing to do, and what I am not willing to do. Perfect example, I have her cornered into a hallway area that has one of those Cottontail Cottages there. She is under the cottage, staring at me. Once I get too close, she will dart out, right at me! Why? Because she knows that yes, I will try and snatch her, but I will not force the issue. If she starts to scramble while I am holding her, I am not gonna risk her getting hurt or anything, so I let go. She knows this, and uses this against me, BAD FWAN!! The more you insist on doing something, the more she insists that she ain't doing it. Now Tumps, to get him all you have to do is draw an X on the floor and say, "stand there please" and he'll be like, "Durr, okay, here??" Now why can't Baby Fwan be like that?
In all honesty, I wouldn't change a thing about her, she is an amazing animal. Well, I would get rid of her couch fetish if I could, but that's it. You would never know just by meeting her a few times, but if you watch the things she does, extremely intelligent. If there was a Navy Seals for bunnies, Fran would be like their Black Ops agent or something.
So I commit a cardinal sin. I lift the couch up. Once that happens, it is game on. I don't care who you are, you ain't catching her, it is absolutely impossible. If I am really determined, I might be able to pen her in after about 30 minutes. Not only does she know EVERY inch of my apartment, but she knows exactly what my weaknesses are. She knows what I am willing to do, and what I am not willing to do. Perfect example, I have her cornered into a hallway area that has one of those Cottontail Cottages there. She is under the cottage, staring at me. Once I get too close, she will dart out, right at me! Why? Because she knows that yes, I will try and snatch her, but I will not force the issue. If she starts to scramble while I am holding her, I am not gonna risk her getting hurt or anything, so I let go. She knows this, and uses this against me, BAD FWAN!! The more you insist on doing something, the more she insists that she ain't doing it. Now Tumps, to get him all you have to do is draw an X on the floor and say, "stand there please" and he'll be like, "Durr, okay, here??" Now why can't Baby Fwan be like that?
In all honesty, I wouldn't change a thing about her, she is an amazing animal. Well, I would get rid of her couch fetish if I could, but that's it. You would never know just by meeting her a few times, but if you watch the things she does, extremely intelligent. If there was a Navy Seals for bunnies, Fran would be like their Black Ops agent or something.
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